Finally, I did it!
Finally, I did it!
It has been over a month since my XNBF moved on. I've written a letter every day to him, expressing my feelings. I have been avoiding posting my goodbye because it makes it final for me. I am ready now. Here goes...and thank you friends for taking the time to read this.
Dear XNBF,
The first time I saw you, I was so impressed with your stance and pride. In the crowded dance, I walked up next to you and said “I felt safe standing by you”. You told me about your woes, I sympathized. Told me about all the LTR you had and why they failed. I had been 4 years separated and dated a few losers before I met you. There was something so mysterious & fascinating about you. You were & still are extremely handsome & sexy. We began to date a month later and love was slowly falling upon me. I was so very guarded with my heart due to my past hurt & shame. I felt that you really respected me because it took you 3 months to kiss me. How sweet it is!
We went everywhere together. You took me to places I had no idea even existed. You asked me to update my passport so we could travel abroad. I in turn took you to every family event. After a year, you moved into my home. You bought a winter haven that I picked out. You filled my head with a wonderful life together…..forever. “I will never leave you, I will always love you, I would never cheat on you”. It was as if I was hooked up to IV and being infused with love, beauty & magic. My friends & family were so happy for me that I finally found a good guy. I told everyone how happy I was. After 30 years in a marriage full of sickness, I had finally found “The One.” You were so kind to my mom and took her with us many times. My kids liked you. I liked yours.
Do you remember how I used to say I was waiting for the other shoe to drop? Well, 1 month ago, both shoes dropped. You had gone to our winter haven ahead of me because you didn’t want to wait until I could go. I had rearranged my priorities with much effort to be able to be with you. Within a few weeks of us being apart, I noticed you called less, said less and seemed annoyed with me. It seemed such an inconvenience to speak to me. A week before my mom & I were to fly down, I confronted you. I practiced this exchange in my head for days. I was torn between needing the truth and needing the fantasy. When I asked if you missed me, you said “not really”. You said you were dating on line.
My world fell apart at that moment. I was in shock and awe. How could you just toss me away and move on without skipping a beat. You were the love of my life and now you are saying that things had changed. You think you might have loved me but no more. I have a box of mementos that says otherwise. You have e mailed me several times with the “I’m sorry” speech. I know the only reason you say this is because you left all of your valuables at my house & need them back.
I stumbled upon a wonderful healing place that told me to stop all contact with you. I am so glad I did. Now I can see all the crazy behaviors you exhibit. Angry outbursts over trivial events like me wanting to take a picture or having to use a restroom. You say something one week then contradict yourself the next week. Your sharp tongue and critical eyes, expecting royal treatment from everyone, your impatience, and the strangest one.....having sex without passion. I gave you a beautiful home to live in, cooked great meals for you, washed your clothes and treated you with so much loving kindness. This means nothing to you.
You are truly a man of steel. You are a coward for not telling me the relationship was over for you. You dragged me along taking advantage of my love. But guess what? I win. I am patching all my holes. I am patching the holes you made as well as the ones made by others very long ago. I will go on to love and feel and be joyous again. You won’t. You will continue on, finding new supply to suck the life from. Never feeling anything, you will miss out on the best that life has to offer. How sad for you.
Great letter
TU Phoenix
You're doing fine
Very good!
O you are so dead on
Well done!
Magster