I tthink I will look bad if I keep ignoring narc at dance society
I tthink I will look bad if I keep ignoring narc at dance society
Hi folks, this is my problem. I was devalued by narc "friend" in May of 2011. The problem is we are both in a dance society as that's where I met her.
There were some red flags towards the end of the friendship that I saw (and also during the friendship), as i got to know her better and I suppose she began to show her true self to me. For example, she thought that some female members in the dance society were jealous of her. She even thought the female dance teacher was jealous of her as dance teacher's husband (who was also teaching us) would dance with her. He used to dance with some other female dancers too. The Narc said once that the teacher had said something mean to her and she put it down to jealousy on the female teacher's part. She also thought that the last teacher we had didn't like her because of jealousy also. Narc is quite attractive, there's no doubt about it.
Now, looking back at our "friendship", i can see that the narc saw her as a superior dancer to me (she had been dancing for longer than me). It is a difficult dance and I put in a lot of work to gain expertise in it. Towards the demise of our frienship, my dance had really improved and I was being asked out more and more at the dances. We had a festival in April last year and I had a great time and got asked out to dance loads. I'm quite friendly and I am not full of myself (quite the opposite - I never had loads of confidence). I remember it was over that weekend that she became cold towards me and I found it strange.
The devalue was horrendous for me and I was so shocked that she treated me badly and she was so cold and callous (she called me cold and callous in a text but I know now that was projection).
Basically, she set me up to make it look like I cancelled on her, eventhough she had made other arrangements and I went home for the day instead. She then punished me the following weekend by pulling another stunt on me. I won't go into it as it's a bit tedious.
But my problem now is this; I think that I will look like the villain, to the people in the society, if I keep ignoring her as she's quite popular in the dance circle and she comes across as oh so sweet, you would not believe. She tried to talk to me at the Christmas party but I could not bring myself to talk to her. No doubt, she will make me pay for this.
There's a part of me that feels bad for not chatting to her but i just couldn't as I'm still quite nervous around her and I guess I still was feeling afraid of her.
I feel so, so stuck! Everywhere it says to stick with no contact but I wonder is this the best course of action for me in my situation? Would it be better if we could at least be able to have a superficial chat and be able to say hello to each other? I don't want to rekindle the friendship with her, defintely not.
I just think that I look like the mean, petty person by not talking to her. I know she will have spun a whole web of lies to some in the society (she's very friendly with two in particular).
I don't know what to do. I feel also that it might be healthier for me to be able to say hello to her her as I will have to see her at the dance functions and classes.
I have felt ok with ignoring her up to this point but I think that continuing to ignore her will make me look bad to everyone.
Any advice?
My opinion, honestly, is to
Here's my opinion about those
I had a friend who narced me
Thanks guys. Yes, treating