daughter
daughter
I know my daughter is a narcissist. I'm hopeful that at some point she will get more than a glimpse of the needs and feelings of those in her family but I know I cannot count on it. I know at least one of my mistakes in raising her was that I rescued her from herself too many times. Now she is married again and I have a second grandchild, almost one. I have another who is eight. Her husband is a nice enough man and she treats him pretty well, but she is very negligent with my grandchildren. They (parents) stay up very late every night drinking after putting both children in bed at 7:00 PM. Then they sleep in all morning until 10-12. They have hired a nanny to come and deal with the morning care, look after the baby all day, and pick my other grandchild up at school. On the weekend while she isn't there, if I am visiting, I do all the morning care. One night she aired her grievances (the main one being that she always feels criticized which I was totally understanding about. I wouldn't like to feel under constant scrutiny either.) I pointed out my concerns regarding the harsh way she speaks to my 8-yr-old granddaughter or ignores her and the total lack of attention in the morning routine. She and her husband were both in denial about it. ("we're not that way when you're not here, stress, etc.) I asked the nanny if it was like that every day and she said "Yes....I wouldn't want to be in your shoes." Then she left with the baby because (of course) she is in the employ of my daughter and her husband. I hadn't even realized she had left. When my daughter and her husband rolled out of bed around 10:30-11:00, I asked where they went and my daughter said they must have gone to the beach or something. Anyway, I was leaving that day (I live in a different state) after four days because I know things will get too tense if I stay longer and they were going to pay $50 for a cab to take me to the airport because they couldn't be troubled. They both work from home. I lost it and claimed that they thought they could just throw money at anything and that they were not parenting the children they have and questioned why they were talking about having another soon. I am very close to the 8-yr-old as I helped raise her until she was 6. I told them I did not want to worry about another grandchild. I was told to get out of the house right then. They left, called a cab for me, and told me I was not welcome to come back again (by text.) This has been her pattern since she was 14. She will do outrageous things (in this case it's a matter of not doing) and then deny first and then make me the bad guy. She has always had a guy or man behind her to stand behind making me wrong. At least this guy is decent. Any parenting that gets done gets done by him. I know it is out of my hands. I just have to trust that life will take care of all of them and be available for my grandkids. I just needed to vent. I talked with my former minister about it and he said it was something that I needed to say and that in their heart of hearts, they both know it. I wish I had not blown up, but I have a very hard time seeing the grandkids being neglected and I also know I have no rights. I got divorced from her father (another narcissist) when she was a baby and though he sent child support until she was 18, he never wanted anything to do with her so they have zero relationship. I reported the situation to her MIL who doesn't want to believe it (believe me...I wish it was me and I was just crazy) which I understand. SIL parents' live on the opposite coast and they have accepted my 8-yr-old as their grandchild entirely which I am very grateful for. Her birth father is a criminal and has no contact. Believe me, I know I have my own issues. I am in AA and sober. I was never a "drunk" but I did often drink myself to sleep at night. I never neglected her in the morning though. I don't mean to assign or unassign blame. I really did my best and even if I made a boatload of mistakes, here we are. Thanks for listening.
Wow, did your story hit home
It's rough I KNOW
Sad but true
Thanks
I am so sorry to read your
True
There is not much you can do