He Tries to Change?!
He Tries to Change?!
I can't wrap my head around all the work my N has done to change. A birthday present, some chores around the house, contributing to groceries, admitting he is a jerk and has treated me horribly, going to Sex Addicts Anonymous, deleting his ex from his phone (but keeping her on facebook, where I'm blocked), and generally trying to be more considerate. In general, the sort of things a normal man would not resent.
Why is he doing all this work? Is it because I stopped providing my time and money? Stopped doing his laundry? Took back my keys? No longer filled my cupboards just to watch him eat all my food? Put printed information about the narcissist/codependent relationship on the wall? Asked him to leave when the verbal abuse was too obvious to ignore?
We were together off and on for one and a half years, then I had my first successful attempt at NC -- and he came crawling back and for the past six months he's admitted to a lot of his wrongs, and worked on being nicer to me. He resents not having total control, and he still goes off about how flawed I am on a regular basis.
Yesterday he insisted on coming over because "we're in a relationship and I need you." Then when I was cold, he ranted and called me names and put me down for not being committed to the relationship, and not emotionally here. He was right...I have made efforts to disconnect myself a little at a time...less sex, less time together, not returning calls, less support, no presents, no favors, less approval, less shutting my mouth to keep the peace.
He seems pretty uncomfortable with the way I've changed, and how I'm going back to school instead of planning to follow him when he has to move to a different city in a month. Not that he invited me, but he was offended I didn't rearrange my life and beg to join him.
I'm thinking he knew he didn't have enough time to find someone new, brainwash her, and then drain her financially -- because he's got some money deadlines coming up soon. I have tightened my wallet and told him I won't do for him what he can do for himself, so maybe he just thought it was a temporary boundary?
There was definitely some desperation going on yesterday when I told him I didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore. He ended up knocking over my computer and pushing me to the ground. That was the third physical attack in two years, and it seems to happen when I am unmistakably standing up for myself.
Is it possible for a Narc to honestly attempt change? I suspect he hasn't really changed one bit -- just hides his ugliness better to keep me around. But why all the effort?
Cog/Dis
they do as little as possible
I think the truth is
I agree with Ruby
Too lazy to find new supply sounds about right
Effort, How much effort to
Done sourcing
Every single time we broke
Maybe he just feels he's
"Then when I was cold, he
He can try, but I believe
Birdie, dearheart, fly away
spinning
spinning
birdie, love your thoughtful
spinning
(not) spinning...you are brilliant!
all talk
BadaBing
Their "attempt to change" can be confusing...
uncovering all the affairs...Joy2me you're so right
THE DESPERATION HE SHOWED WAS
HE PUSHED YOU TO THE
then why all the effort?
birdie
so true Jen70
yes, time to focus on my own health!
birdie