Hello, everyone. Dated a girl for 8 months, "broke up" in January. I'll tell the whole story in the other forum. Got "All About Her" today. Read the first chapter. It's amazing how much it is exactly like her and how someone has figured this all out. She made me think I was the crazy one. I started seeing a therapist and got on Zoloft.
It's been so many months since my discard... just a few months away from becoming a year when my past relationship started which is frustrating because here I am still trying to overcome it. Confusion even after true No Contact it consumes me every single day from the moment I wake up, frustration starts right afterwards because even after allowing time, seeking professional help, getting my life back.
I just wanted to try and gain some clarity as to whether or not I was dating a narcissist and/or an emotional abuser and how to overcome this as I am really finding my days difficult at the moment.
One thing that I have learned is that for the Narc it's all about power and control. They have such a dread for their true self. They believe if they have power and control over you it gives them false validation. Think about it. They hate themselves and think they are worthless. I have actually heard my narc say this out loud. She said "I feel like I have nothing to offer". Maybe that was bait to make me give her a compliment but really I think she feels that way underneath.
I was watching a talk by Warren Buffet and Bill Gates one time on TV to some graduate students at the Wharton School of Business. During the Q&A one student raised his hand and asked what they thought he could do to really get a jump start on his career and get started down the right path from the very beginning. Warren Buffet didn't even hesitate...He said "Marry the right person". Everybody laughed including Bill Gates but Warren didn't even smile. He said "No, I'm serious".
So back in the middle of February around my birthday she pulls out all stops after I had blocked her. She has a former roommate text me and ask to call her. She has her brother in law call me. She calls from blocked numbers over and over. I never picked up but I listened to the messages. They became more and more desperate. Finally she just shows up at my house. I opened the door (big mistake). She shows me a tattoo on her back of my initials. I think to my self - wow this is for real - she really means it this time. We end up back in each others arms in no time flat.
This all started 3 years ago. I was unhappy in my marriage, and my beautiful co- worker and I became friends. We talked about our background, our work ethics, our likes and dislikes. I found that my marriage was to a woman who was emotionally unavailable and unwilling to talk about subjects I was interested in. Pretty soon me and my co-worker were working closer together, more projects, more time spent together- the perfect storm. She would text me in the morning, we wold have lunch 3-4 times a week, she would call me at night 1-2 times a week.
Please forgive me if my thoughts are somewhat disjointed. I'm not using any prepared notes, just an old fashioned "stream of consciousness". My nightmare began in November of 2015. I'm in my early 60s, single, recently retired, had not dated in years and was feeling somewhat lonely. The perfect victim. She was 47, divorced, with 4 children, 3 in college. She was absolutely beautiful to me. She had a magnetic and energetic personality, was highly intelligent and educated, and I became instantly lost in her beautiful eyes.
What Made Me Susceptible To Being Addicted her and being a narcissist sycophant?
Narcs are drawn to ''nice'' people but they are also drawn to good looking people or rich people. So I understand people who are overcoming addictions (like me) and have an addictive personality. Truly for me, this was the hardest thing about my self-development until I really understood the truth about her.
I had always had incredibly addictive tendencies. Alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and being a workaholic and now addicted to my narcissistic partner.
I’m trying to go no contact with my Narc. However, I’ve become paranoid, because my Narc’s best friend called me. I told her I didn’t feel like talking to her and she understood. In all honesty I’m paranoid that she might get me to talk to my Narc again. They have the same mentality. I don't usually talk to her much, unless it was about my Narc. Do I have the right to be paranoid?