Is this "normal"

My relationship was brief 5 months, I found myself looking for answers because I really thought I was losing my mind. This man changed right before my eyes. I guess what I'm asking in reading the posts and blogs that as soon as I am convinced that he is a Narc I mean text book but then I read something that maybe doesnt fit or I read something and hear his words telling me all the things I did wrong it's like he was trying to peg me as a Narc and that I was so scared of. Do you think this is normal? I've evaluated the whole relationship and wow looking back now I see ALL the red flags but even my last contact from him was berating he called and left a v/m to apologize for being "mean" but justified by using reasons on why he behaved that way how I always blamed him, I know this isnt true no matter what I said he always got the wrong message and I'd sit there in shock on what the heck did he just hear. Honestly It wasnt the first time it was just the first time I really heard it and decided to not allow it or respond. This man devalued me and attacked my character over and over. I havent responded to his voicemail and my concern is for me I don't want to be one of these people, is this apart of what they try to do? I have many family and friends that say there is NO way I am but I guess I'm just asking if this is a normal feeling or concern

January 29, 2012 - 4:18pm

Yes, those with personality disorders

Tend in most cases to blame their targets. Placing blame towards people, places, and things is a common trait in a PD.

As for whether or not your X has a personality disorder.

First of all Psychology, the human mind, emotions, and that which we cannot see has NEVER been and NEVER will be an exact science.

The notion that we can fit ALL people with a PD into an EXACT COOKIE CUTTER diagnosis
is not possible. What you are reading on here is what many, some, most, are like, and how they have demonstrated their behaviors.

There are always going to be variables to any disorder and with any person.

I have heard some on here say: Mine did not hoover so I guess he is not a PD. OR mine cried, or mine did not cheat, steal, or lie.

To diagnois a PD they need to have most of the components and features of a PD, NOT every last one on the list.

And some may have a combination of disorders. Some may also be drug addicts, sex addicts, Psychopaths, ect....

Some may actually have Aspergers, or DID, or brain damage as well.

Some are physical abusers; some are not.

Some may have LD some may not, some may be financially challenged, some have plenty of money.


I often go over all of this in my one on one's if a proper diagnosis is important to you.

Some of us are so sick and tired of their bad behaviors and abuse that we do not even care anymore WHAT they are, we just know that WE do not want them in our lives any longer.

Changing your mind everytime you read something new is another way our mind plays tricks on us and keeps us thinking that:

It was all our fault, not true a LIE the PD tells us and we tell ourselves.

They are not a PD, so therefore they can change; I can cure them.

They were not that bad, they were just going through a rough patch; not likely.

God bless,

April 27, 2012 - 2:53am (Reply to #1)

Great reply - this does resonate

Psychology is not an exact science. In the end, we are here at TPF due to evidence in their behaviour which has got us this far.

I believe my PDI had brain damage at birth, in the right hemisphere, as there are physical irregularities to suggest this.

Although this was not her fault, the PD 28 years later is simply obvious and pronounced.

To what extent she realizes this, I now don't really care as its been too much for too long. No doubt here's a special case. However I am only just starting to see the NPD behaviour as abuse, and cannot take it any longer.

Those last 3 points resonate strongly in my struggling with this, Goldie.

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