crying

I'm sorry :( Your right this is "VERY SICK". It's very hard to understand when your a NORMAL person. My husband did exactly what this man is doing to you. Moving in, taking over the house, not paying ect..... I hope this link will help you as it did me when I was feeling EXACTLY like you feel: http://singlemumsal.blogspot.com/2010/08/impact-of-cluster-b-idiots-guide.html

you want to know what will make you fell better right now and raise your self esteem, which from the sounds of it is taking a HUGE hit, GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE, with the cops around to make sure nothing of yours gets destroyed. That action alone, and worry about everything else at a later date, will take you out of the" woe is me mode " and set you up for being a stronger person who can stand on her own two feet just fine. you can deal with the pain and anguish from the evil man later.LISTEN to what we all are saying......Like Scoop and everyone here knows WE have all been where you are...............

where you are at is so painful and we have all been there , it feels like you need to pinch youre self to see if you still exsist , it has been likened to a slow death of the soul . The real terrible part is that they dont seem to leave , they keep you in a holding position so they can abuse you , the painful reality is the only way to stop it and regain whats left of you is to leave youreself (or in youre case ask him to leave), this is hard to do when youre self esteem is at rock bottom but the good news is you have recognized his behaviour and you have found the board here and that is the first hurdle done with , the next is to gather up all youre strength and ask him to go , call it a break if you are more comfortable and if that will get him out of the house . The person you love isnt there anymore , he has gone and in its place is an abuser , and it is abuse to ingnore someone , it is one of the most underhanded , incidious form of abuse there is . Google "silent treatment as abuse" and there are some very good articals that pin point why it is a terrible manipulation and then get angry... see its the anger that WILL come that will be youre best friend in the comming weeks , as you read more and more and get empowered anger will be youre motivation , see anger is just under thoses bucket load of tears bubbleing away .... Keep strong xx

It appears to me you see the writing on the wall, but are having a very hard time cutting the chord. The narc in my life was not overtly abusive so I didn't see it until something happen then the narcissism erupted like a hornet's next. Being on the outside, looking in - this relationship is not healthy. See, they take advantage of your empathy and generosity. You give and give and give and they take and take and take...and in the end, you will feel like crap because you will have invested tons, and they will walk off and skip into the sunset and it will be as if the relationship never existed. That will be the biggest mind *blank* (is this okay Betty?...LOL) I think every woman here will stand behind me when I say - that when you wait around for the D&D and we're already letting you know it's coming - you think you're crying now?...HA!...the pain is so bad because they leave you so utterly depleted - and honey no you don't know what depleted means...it is a bad bad bad feeling a pain you've never felt before - I'm pretty certain of that. BECAUSE what they do without you even noticing it until it's done is attack your psyche...Oh, you can think you're strong, smart, all these things - looking around, I don't think I'm surrounded by dopes...look at every one of us here...do we sound like weak women? It can happen to everyone yes, EVEN YOU... So, and I really wish someone knew about this and could slap me senseFULL, but they didn't, so here's what I'm gonna say, and I ain't tip toeing. YOU HAVE A CHOICE IN THE KIND OF PAIN YOU WANT TO FEEL. PAIN IS COMING HONEY... If it were me...this whole thing is about control. If you say to yourself...oh, I'm going to wait for...fill in the blank, sometimes we get wishy washy and have a problem callin it quits - BUT if you wait, your mind, your soul, your ability to reason EVERYTHING will be undermined. He will drive you temporarily insane...his campaign began a while back - you just don't know it yet...I know hard to swallow...but trust me on this one. So, now that we know you are going to be hearbroken...would you like to have the upper hand, or do you think it would be better to feel heartbroken then the sensation that you were wiped off his shoes like feces? For me, I rather just deal with heartbreak - it's not pleasant, but I could avoid the insanity that is incured when you're narcked... I don't know if I can make anything any clearer. Oh, and by the way, he knows exactly how to wheedle himself into a secure situation again - might even be a little side kick waiting for him on the other side... So if it were me, and I so wish I had this tactical advantage, I'd kick his hiney out tomorrow - but before I did that, I'd have the cops accompany me for the eviction...just in case... But that's me... Anyone else here think I'm crazy in what I'm saying? Right now you have the tactical advantage you haven't been totally destroyed yet...ain't a darn thing to plan...kick his gluteus maximus out PRONTO!

The silent treatment is psychological abuse. Mine used to do that. While he was silent he still accepted essential services like laundry, ironing, check writing, cooking & baking. Never a thanks. Just take the food into his home office, or tell me not to eat with him. Entitled. The silent treatment is supposed to be the most awful of the methods of abuse. Somehow being beaten up is less painful. Why? Because the woman has a bruise, wound, broken bone. She has objective truth of the abuse. Whereas the "I'm doing nothing to you" also = abuse. That's denying your perception of reality. Of course he's doing something to you, he's deliberately hurting you giving you the silent treatment. The silent treatment is a negation of your being. It is contempt. You are not worth noticing. (He'll notice if you put him out of your place.) Of course you're crying. You're hurt. Look. The man is an abuser. And he's a predator. Go read the responses to 'your story.' He's preying on you & your niceness & you're financially subsidizing his lifestyle. He's the predator & you're the prey. So in the animal kindom when the lion is preying on the antelope . . . if the antelope becomes passive, nice & subservient hoping that the lion is going to be grateful & kind, what's gonna happen? Antelope is slaughtered. And makes herself easy pickings for the lion who is just laughing so hard at first that it's difficult to get the antelope meat down. Don't make yourself easy pickings. An abuser only has contempt for the victim who is more & more conciliatory and kind in the face of abuse. He has no respect for a person who obviously does not respect herself enough so as to tolerate his abuse. When I left my husband, I told him a few things that he was always telling me. "I am leaving. I have no time for your tears. Leave me alone. No I don't have time. I want a divorce. And I am ignoring your weeping as you ignored mine." He said to me: "You're being abusive. Nobody talks to a dog the way you are talking to me!" And he ran out of the house to stay at a friend's house & told them I was abusing him! That was an eye-opener! For 2 1/2 years I took that treatment & when the tables turned & I said & did what he had been doing, he labled it as abuse immediately. And published that I was the abuser. This is your place & he lives there & his son visits. If nothing you do pleases him, and he critizes you, then it's time for him to find another woman who can make him happy. And it's definitely time for you to find a man who makes you happy. It's 18 months since I left my abusive husband, and I never cry any more. Mine was into the silent treatment. I kept a calendar of all the days in each month he was not talking to me. The days amounted to 33% of every month. When I left him he was DEVASTATED. He did not want me to leave. When I said, hey you were VERY UNHAPPY, told me all the time, and demanded a divorce every 3-4 weeks. And you were so unhappy that 33% of the marriage you did not talk to me. He denied that. I told him I kept count in a diary. He said, "You're so negative." My only regret is that I didn't leave 10 months after I married him. I stayed 'working on the marriage' for 2 1/2 years. Lost a lot of money. Precious time. And my self-respect. I suffered from PTSD. And I am still trying to put my life back together after having been sucked dry by an emotional vampire. He's in your house, get rid of him ASAP.

I really feel bad for you sweets. Here's the thing He WILL NOT CHANGE. I know this for a fact becauase I did not see the Narc for 15 years and he is still the same if not worse. So what eventually will happen is that you will hate being with him more than you love being with him. He'll only throw you a bone every once in a while to keep you around but you will spend 80% of your time being emotionally abused and miserable. For many not all it has to get to a point where you just cant take it anymore you need relief from the abuse. They are a terrible terrible addiction. So if you can get out of that relationship before he does anymore damage to you but I know its way easier said than done. The longer you stay the worse the addiction.