crying

13 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Dec 5 - 4PM
nh22
nh22's picture

crying

I sit here crying my eyes out wondering why this man is so hurtful to me. I spent all weekend trying to make it good for him and his son. He has not said more than 10 words to me all weekend and when I ask what I did he ignores me and tells me he is doesn't want to talk to me. I ask him why he is treating me like I don't exist. I tell him I feel ugly and don't understand why he won't talk to me or acknowledge me and he says im doing nothing to you. I feel dead inside. I want so badly to be loved and feel special and it continues to get worse. The more I try the worse he is getting. I feel sick inside and have totally lost the person I am. I am miserable and still want to be with him--that is what makes it so very sick!

Dec 6 - 8AM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

nh22

I'm sorry :( Your right this is "VERY SICK". It's very hard to understand when your a NORMAL person. My husband did exactly what this man is doing to you. Moving in, taking over the house, not paying ect..... I hope this link will help you as it did me when I was feeling EXACTLY like you feel: http://singlemumsal.blogspot.com/2010/08/impact-of-cluster-b-idiots-guide.html
Dec 6 - 6AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

NH22

you want to know what will make you fell better right now and raise your self esteem, which from the sounds of it is taking a HUGE hit, GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE, with the cops around to make sure nothing of yours gets destroyed. That action alone, and worry about everything else at a later date, will take you out of the" woe is me mode " and set you up for being a stronger person who can stand on her own two feet just fine. you can deal with the pain and anguish from the evil man later.LISTEN to what we all are saying......Like Scoop and everyone here knows WE have all been where you are...............
Dec 6 - 6AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

where you are at is so

where you are at is so painful and we have all been there , it feels like you need to pinch youre self to see if you still exsist , it has been likened to a slow death of the soul . The real terrible part is that they dont seem to leave , they keep you in a holding position so they can abuse you , the painful reality is the only way to stop it and regain whats left of you is to leave youreself (or in youre case ask him to leave), this is hard to do when youre self esteem is at rock bottom but the good news is you have recognized his behaviour and you have found the board here and that is the first hurdle done with , the next is to gather up all youre strength and ask him to go , call it a break if you are more comfortable and if that will get him out of the house . The person you love isnt there anymore , he has gone and in its place is an abuser , and it is abuse to ingnore someone , it is one of the most underhanded , incidious form of abuse there is . Google "silent treatment as abuse" and there are some very good articals that pin point why it is a terrible manipulation and then get angry... see its the anger that WILL come that will be youre best friend in the comming weeks , as you read more and more and get empowered anger will be youre motivation , see anger is just under thoses bucket load of tears bubbleing away .... Keep strong xx
Dec 6 - 2AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

nh22

It appears to me you see the writing on the wall, but are having a very hard time cutting the chord. The narc in my life was not overtly abusive so I didn't see it until something happen then the narcissism erupted like a hornet's next. Being on the outside, looking in - this relationship is not healthy. See, they take advantage of your empathy and generosity. You give and give and give and they take and take and take...and in the end, you will feel like crap because you will have invested tons, and they will walk off and skip into the sunset and it will be as if the relationship never existed. That will be the biggest mind *blank* (is this okay Betty?...LOL) I think every woman here will stand behind me when I say - that when you wait around for the D&D and we're already letting you know it's coming - you think you're crying now?...HA!...the pain is so bad because they leave you so utterly depleted - and honey no you don't know what depleted means...it is a bad bad bad feeling a pain you've never felt before - I'm pretty certain of that. BECAUSE what they do without you even noticing it until it's done is attack your psyche...Oh, you can think you're strong, smart, all these things - looking around, I don't think I'm surrounded by dopes...look at every one of us here...do we sound like weak women? It can happen to everyone yes, EVEN YOU... So, and I really wish someone knew about this and could slap me senseFULL, but they didn't, so here's what I'm gonna say, and I ain't tip toeing. YOU HAVE A CHOICE IN THE KIND OF PAIN YOU WANT TO FEEL. PAIN IS COMING HONEY... If it were me...this whole thing is about control. If you say to yourself...oh, I'm going to wait for...fill in the blank, sometimes we get wishy washy and have a problem callin it quits - BUT if you wait, your mind, your soul, your ability to reason EVERYTHING will be undermined. He will drive you temporarily insane...his campaign began a while back - you just don't know it yet...I know hard to swallow...but trust me on this one. So, now that we know you are going to be hearbroken...would you like to have the upper hand, or do you think it would be better to feel heartbroken then the sensation that you were wiped off his shoes like feces? For me, I rather just deal with heartbreak - it's not pleasant, but I could avoid the insanity that is incured when you're narcked... I don't know if I can make anything any clearer. Oh, and by the way, he knows exactly how to wheedle himself into a secure situation again - might even be a little side kick waiting for him on the other side... So if it were me, and I so wish I had this tactical advantage, I'd kick his hiney out tomorrow - but before I did that, I'd have the cops accompany me for the eviction...just in case... But that's me... Anyone else here think I'm crazy in what I'm saying? Right now you have the tactical advantage you haven't been totally destroyed yet...ain't a darn thing to plan...kick his gluteus maximus out PRONTO!
Dec 6 - 6AM (Reply to #9)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Sidekick

Michelle115 is correct, he's gonna find a new sidekick or replacement in a snap. And she's right about the cops. You have no idea how BRUTAL these men can be when they no longer have any use for you, that is, there is nothing left for them to extract from you. When they no longer control you, these guys flip out. Because, in essence, abuse is all about control. Control by intimidation. Mine -- he did things I could have hardly imagined. Mine is highly educated & a tenured university professor. He stole my property, broke my possessions. Did the same thing to the woman who replaced me. Michelle115 is correct. You really have control here -- you can throw him out. You are not dependent on him. You do not have children with him, not married, and do not own property with him. You are ceding to control to him in an effort to placate him. Hoping if you are nice he's gonna be nice back. nope. You're just making it easier for him to take & take & take. And she's right, he could leave you when he finds a new woman who thrills him the way you did in the beginning when his fantasies about your perfection were generated. But, on the other hand, this could last for years. How many women would give him shelter & help him with his son? Not many. So, maybe he'll just stay on with you because it's convenient for him & do what he wants on the side. About the silent treatment. In my marriage 33% of the time. It had to stop at some point because if he was NOT TALKING & FURIOUS well there were somethings he needed to ask for. Such as sex. So had to be nice part of the time to extract from me what he wanted. Also, a bully has to know when to stop the abuse. If he pushs the victim too far, she will escape. So a successful bully has to know hpow to push the victim to the edge, then pull back, & massage her for awhile. Then, just when she's trusting enough, stopped shaking, start with the bullying again. Always keep her de-stabilized & never secure. Also, it's the "cycle of abuse." 1. Build up to the abusive epidode, tensions mounting, he's overy sensitive, moody; 2. Abusive episode (fight about nothing (verbal abuse), silent treatment (psychological abuse); 3. Reconcilation (honeymoon period & time for the victim to recover & prepare for the next abusive episode). This could go on for decades if you allow it. And abuse only escalates. And the honeymoon periods get shorter until almost non-existent. Life will be phase 1 & 2. Have you ever wondered why is he divorced? If he was such a great man of the family, why would a woman with a small child divorce him? I bet she's crazy according to him. A real b*tch. I bet a conversation with her would be very interesting. After I left mine, I found his ex-wife. Wow! Mine had lied shamelessly. And the woman who replaced me also contacted me. Wow! The lies he told about me to her. Unbelievable.
Dec 5 - 8PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is psychological abuse. Mine used to do that. While he was silent he still accepted essential services like laundry, ironing, check writing, cooking & baking. Never a thanks. Just take the food into his home office, or tell me not to eat with him. Entitled. The silent treatment is supposed to be the most awful of the methods of abuse. Somehow being beaten up is less painful. Why? Because the woman has a bruise, wound, broken bone. She has objective truth of the abuse. Whereas the "I'm doing nothing to you" also = abuse. That's denying your perception of reality. Of course he's doing something to you, he's deliberately hurting you giving you the silent treatment. The silent treatment is a negation of your being. It is contempt. You are not worth noticing. (He'll notice if you put him out of your place.) Of course you're crying. You're hurt. Look. The man is an abuser. And he's a predator. Go read the responses to 'your story.' He's preying on you & your niceness & you're financially subsidizing his lifestyle. He's the predator & you're the prey. So in the animal kindom when the lion is preying on the antelope . . . if the antelope becomes passive, nice & subservient hoping that the lion is going to be grateful & kind, what's gonna happen? Antelope is slaughtered. And makes herself easy pickings for the lion who is just laughing so hard at first that it's difficult to get the antelope meat down. Don't make yourself easy pickings. An abuser only has contempt for the victim who is more & more conciliatory and kind in the face of abuse. He has no respect for a person who obviously does not respect herself enough so as to tolerate his abuse. When I left my husband, I told him a few things that he was always telling me. "I am leaving. I have no time for your tears. Leave me alone. No I don't have time. I want a divorce. And I am ignoring your weeping as you ignored mine." He said to me: "You're being abusive. Nobody talks to a dog the way you are talking to me!" And he ran out of the house to stay at a friend's house & told them I was abusing him! That was an eye-opener! For 2 1/2 years I took that treatment & when the tables turned & I said & did what he had been doing, he labled it as abuse immediately. And published that I was the abuser. This is your place & he lives there & his son visits. If nothing you do pleases him, and he critizes you, then it's time for him to find another woman who can make him happy. And it's definitely time for you to find a man who makes you happy. It's 18 months since I left my abusive husband, and I never cry any more. Mine was into the silent treatment. I kept a calendar of all the days in each month he was not talking to me. The days amounted to 33% of every month. When I left him he was DEVASTATED. He did not want me to leave. When I said, hey you were VERY UNHAPPY, told me all the time, and demanded a divorce every 3-4 weeks. And you were so unhappy that 33% of the marriage you did not talk to me. He denied that. I told him I kept count in a diary. He said, "You're so negative." My only regret is that I didn't leave 10 months after I married him. I stayed 'working on the marriage' for 2 1/2 years. Lost a lot of money. Precious time. And my self-respect. I suffered from PTSD. And I am still trying to put my life back together after having been sucked dry by an emotional vampire. He's in your house, get rid of him ASAP.
Dec 6 - 6AM (Reply to #7)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

oh my goodness , the silent

oh my goodness , the silent treatment mine would do was when we went to bed he would turn his back on my and compleatly shut off for no reason , the one time i did this to him ... THE ONE TIME.... he cryed .... YES my narc cryed .. anyway in the morning i said "you do that to me countless times and now you know what it feels like " and do you know what he said ?he said "well you have lost the moral high ground now ".... i just laughed at him and i think it was only a couple of days after i went nc for good ...
Dec 5 - 7PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Oh gosh..

I really feel bad for you sweets. Here's the thing He WILL NOT CHANGE. I know this for a fact becauase I did not see the Narc for 15 years and he is still the same if not worse. So what eventually will happen is that you will hate being with him more than you love being with him. He'll only throw you a bone every once in a while to keep you around but you will spend 80% of your time being emotionally abused and miserable. For many not all it has to get to a point where you just cant take it anymore you need relief from the abuse. They are a terrible terrible addiction. So if you can get out of that relationship before he does anymore damage to you but I know its way easier said than done. The longer you stay the worse the addiction.
Dec 6 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
Scotchy71
Scotchy71's picture

yes yes yes

Get out while you have a little of your sanity left!!!!!! They do not change and he will drain the very life out of you and when he's had enough, see you later babe. Hard to hear I know but it really is the truth - we HAVE all been there and it never changes, doesn't matter what you do, you've seen the mask fall and who he really is, so sooner or later, he will move on regardless of what you do now - he really will, it's all about him remember? You don't come into it, right now you're bending over backwards trying to please him and for what? Living without him is painful, but not nearly as painful as being WITH him....the sooner you get out, the sooner you heal and yes, it's hell, but you will come through it - he will not change, you have to remember that and believe it. All of us women here are smart, intelligent beings and you are too, that's why he wanted you...the minute you challenge him or have a difference of opinion (which is healthy in a normal relationship), you're not the perfect partner he perceived you to be and that won't do. We are all here for you and understand completely what this man is doing to you, ultimately you have to decide what to do, we have hindsight...you now have the advantage of seeing it before if happens - get rid of him babe xxx
Dec 6 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Everyone is right,

Everyone here is right. He's on his way out, he just doesn't have anywhere to go right now. He will continue to berate you and abuse you until there is nothing left of you but an empty shell. I know it sounds wrong to think this way, but he is all about control, so you need to take some. You have the upper hand here. You own the house, and you obviously can afford it on your own since he is living there free. You should not be made to feel like a guest in your own house. You should not be the one trying to fit into his family. He has no interest in your being part of his family. Sorry, but this is the cold hard truth. And you know it deep down too. Get the cops involved, get him out, and while you will feel sad, very very sad, you will also immediately feel a sense of peace and calm. If you wait for him to do it to you, you will feel even worse. Because then you will also have your guilt of letting him use you until he didn't need you anymore. Do this for yourself. Save yourself. We are all sending you big hugs and we'll be here to help you as you need it.
Dec 6 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
nh22
nh22's picture

Thank you

Thank you all for your comments and words of wisdom. Each time I write and read responses it makes me that much stronger. I am getting to the point to make some changes. Thank you so much. I feel better knowing I have a support system.
Dec 6 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

we are here for you , there

we are here for you , there is always someone on the board , if its the middle of the night in the States the uk girls are here and the Euros .. and if its late in the uk you guys are all still around , this is an amazing place where you are never alone ...Youre plite really moved me today , you put it so well what it is like in the end days with a narc , it is truly horrific and my heart goes out to you tonight xx