My letter to exN
My letter to exN
Encouraged by the lecture of another letter, I finally decided to write mine. It's very long, sorry but I had to write all these things. I want to post it here to remember.
Dear exN,
I’ve never thought I’m gonna write this letter especially that I’m writing it in English but it’s only one of the surprising things that happened in my life.
It’s been 13 months since I saw you last time but only one month since you contacted me. Do you remember your message that you wrote to me after you left me one more time on my own. I’m sure you don’t. You were writting the same lies and when I was reading it I was wondering if you really think that I’m such an idiot not to remember that you’re just repeating the same old phrases.
To your information: I’m not an idiot and I’m not naïve or stupid. I just loved you. That’s why I wanted so much to believe that your intentions were good. Do you know what love is? I’m sure you don’t.
In the same letter you wrote me that you will never contact me again. You promised but for you what does the promise mean? Nothing. So you broke it. You promised to delete my number. You didn’t. You promised to leave me alone. You didn’t. And I know you won’t leave me alone. Not because you love me. Not because you want me. You just want to have control over me. You know that I can be happy, that I can have a wonderful life without you and you cannot stand it.
You were right. I’m not perfect. I don’t look like a model. Sometimes I have my bad, bad days(remember: that days when I wanted to cry and just need you to hug me and you were telling: Sweetie I see you’re not in a mood so I’ll go now).I can be mad, I can scream but I didn’t deserve all the things you did to me. I was always there for you. When your father was sick, when you couldn’t stand your own family, when you were moving, when you were changing job and I spent two days in a car just to go with you on an interview because you asked me to. I was there when your father died, I was on a commentary, in Church. Always. For me it wasn’t a sacrifice. Nothing I did for you wasn’t a sacrifice. When you love someone, you do everything to make another person happy. You did everything to hurt me. I tried to explain you how it is to love really but your answer was: I’m just like that. I will never change. This time you were right. This one time you were telling the truth.
I remember many things from our past. I remember you being good and I wonder if for a moment it was true. I remember your angry eyes when I just wanted you to be there for me, when I wanted something for me. I remember your mad eyes when I didn’t want to give something you wanted. Your silent treatment. Your cruelty. Your coldness. You threatening to leave me. I felt like a small puppy that wanted some love and care but you kicked me out of the house.
I still remember your promises: about having children, house, wedding, about eternal love. I remember you saying: I’ve changed, I grew up, I will repair everything. A child can grew up not an adult. You should grow up many years ago.
I still remember when you left me, blaming me for destroying everything and happily went on a trip just to come back three months later like never happened and show me your pictures telling: I look so great, don’t you think. That time I thought I was pregnant. I was so scared because I didn’t even now how to contact you.
I remember every time when you were coming back to me. I had to give you so much trust, I had to open my heart one more time to let you in. I was terrified but I believed you, loved you and you couldn’t even respect it. You were breaking my heart and my trust one more time You never were there for me when I needed you. Never.
I could write here many things. What a story. Just for a movie script, don’t you think?
I loved you. It’s true and I cannot change it. I can’t change my past. I loved a bad guy. I made a mistake. A very big mistake but I’m never gonna do that again. I loved someone who think is the best in the world and is a real blessing for every woman in the world and in fact is a liar, a coward, the most pathetic guy I have ever known. I feel sorry for every girl that will fall in love with you.
I know in some time you will write to me again. You’ll not show. As I wrote: you’re a coward. I feel sorry for you. I’ll never respond you. I never knew your name. I don’t hate you. Really but I’ll never forget what you did to me and I’ll never forgive you. I don’t have to. I just don’t want to have someone like you in my life. My life is too precious, too beautiful and full of fantastic people. I don’t want you to be in my beautiful life. Never.
You had your chances. Too many chances and you screw it. Now I want you to disappear. Can you promise me that? Of course you can’t. But I can promise you, I won’t let you in. You know I always keep my promises. I’ll be fine and very happy but you’ll never know it. I won’t let you know nothing about you.
Not anymore Yours,
Alma25
Letter
Wow!!
this is such a great letter,
Alma
Alma, Ewa...
Alma, that is a very
I am happy you posted it