Foolish.

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#1 Nov 8 - 3PM
Emma
Emma's picture

Foolish.

So, there was a week no contact, the longest NC between us the time we were together. He has his kids for the week and I had a feeling I'd hear from him as soon as the kids had gone. I did.

Even tho I know what he is and how-basically everything he says is shit, I still gave in, foolishly.

We had a conversation about how things were, he how was. How I thought he had narcissistic tendencies...he looked thru a list of traits and denied every one of them! Which didn't surprise me.
Infact, he said it was me who was the narcissist.

So, I was at his house Saturday night and his phone beeps. It's a text. His 'friend' Linda has been added to his list of contacts. When I asked him who she was, he denied knowing her..and still does. I know he's lying..he's not man enough to admit he had some kind of contact with her.

Today, his ex and children were in his car, he refused to ring me, text me..answer my calls. He goes quiet for hours not letting me know what's happening or what the whole situation is. He finally texts me after all day with no contact when he's home telling me he's going to lay down!!

Because I was still pissed at the whole Linda thing, he's refusing to talk to me or have anything to do with me until 'i' acknowledge what I did wrong!!! WTF!!

Amazing...I didn't do anything.. Yet I get the blame!!

Nov 8 - 5PM
empath
empath's picture

Emma

Re-read your post...he IS letting you know what's going on and what the whole situation is. His dismissive behavior towards you is a form of devaluing...silent treatment and making you wait and stonewalling are favorite tactics of a N. Confronting him about another woman only feeds his ego and reinforces his dominance bond. How much supply they get from making you aware of the Ow and watching you put yourself into "competition" with her! That's called triangulation, and its a way of him not outting his eggs into one basket...no matter what happens, he has back-up supply. Your situation and position has nothing to do with her, she is irrelevant to you. Wanting to talk things out with him is you giving him attention...you trying to control the situation by fixing it. Men know that women do this, and N-men exploit the heck out of this! His denial of having N traits would be typical N behavior. The N I was with, when I suggested he may have the disorder (I say suggested because I was being gentle in that moment, the reality is I had already seen 6 years of textbook behavior that utterly confirmed and validated my acceptance of who he is and what he is), the N I was with said he was "a bit too humble" to have NPD...he admitted to knowing that something was really wrong with him, yet he was not willing to accept that I had already made my mind up...he insists he has depression brought about by work-related stress. Whatever. I sincerely hope that you will stop and take a deep breath and realize that you are not going to change who he is or mend what has broken. The only thing you have control over is yourself and how you behave. What you are doing right now, in trying to convince him to conform to your version of events, is pointless. This guy has already indicated his position through his actions towards you, and you are "negotiating", which is not healthy for you. You are also "negotiating" from the weaker position, which is only going to cause you more hurt. You have already placed way too much of your own power in the Ns hands, and you are too caught up in your version of "the story" to see it objectively. Please trust in the wisdom of the people on this forum, because it is wisdom that comes from experience. Do whatever it takes to go NC and stay NC ...this is what it takes for the fog to lift and for your objectivity to come back. Doing this will protect your dignity and your integrity and you will thank yourself for it later, even if you are not understanding why you would, at this moment. Please go NC and trust in your inner wisdom that this man is abusing you and will not change. It will not "get better" between you and he, it will only get worse. So stop playing the game and go NC.
Nov 8 - 3PM
Gravity
Gravity's picture

Emma

This is all very typical for an N. They do something wrong, they get caught, and they flip the blame on you so that you feel badly. So now YOU think you're the N, you feel badly about yourself, you want to prove him wrong, and just so that you're back in his good graces. He's trying to "punish" you for looking for the truth. While you are sitting around wondering what you did wrong, he can ignore you playing it off like you wronged him while he goes out and pursues "Linda" and his ex and God knows who else! He's planned this perfectly. I spent MONTHS on this forum posting stories and anecdotes about what the psycho would do and say, but at the end of the day of COURSE he is doing all of these things, he is an N! I remember once I told my therapist about all of the things my N at the time (there have been many) was doing and after I finished an elaborate story she paused, looked at me, and said "Gravity I have 2 words for you: WELL YEAH!" As in.. of course he is acting this way! He doesn't want you to ask questions so he's going to flip the blame. Not fair, and you don't deserve this.
Nov 8 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You are searching for the

You are searching for the wrong answers., You will get nothing from him .. If you like to play this game .. Then keep going back for more.. If you want answers start looking by seeing a therapist, reading and staying NC.. The answer is right in front of your nose.. Hunter
Nov 8 - 3PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Emma, you know that this is how

it will always be with this guy. It will not change. You must face the truth of this. If you like this kind of treatment and like how you feel now, keep in contact with this person. If you want better, no contact is the key. No contact, period. "Giving in" is an open invitation to him to abuse you and treat you poorly. Don't give him the invitation! Please consider this. He is treating you like shit. Don't allow it! No contact is your armour. No contact is the key to freedom from pain and confusion, self-doubt and abuse. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. BECAUSE I AM NO CONTACT!!

spinning

Nov 8 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
Emma
Emma's picture

I know nothing will change

I know nothing will change now. Oddly, I think it's what I needed to give me that extra push to let go..I needed to try again to see if I thought It could work if we/I tried again and I know it wont. He wont change. It's definately time to put him in the past!
Nov 8 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
spinning
spinning's picture

Awesome, Emma, and we will

help you do it! You will feel so good about yourself you won't believe it. Come here and post and share with us when he hoovers you (which he will). No contact and this forum is your armour. It's a rough ride but you can do it! The outcome is so very worth it you can't imagine it right now. I'm 12 months NC and could not be happier. I found out he is in the area a few weeks ago and the thought of any interaction whatsoever absolutely terrifies me because my life is so good now and I wouldn't go back to the chaos, confusion and pain of that crazy so-called "relationship" (six year ride into hell) for anything! Emma, I am so happy you are choosing yourself! You are at the right place! Most sincerely (not) spinning. BECAUSE I'M NO CONTACT!!!

spinning

Nov 8 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
Emma
Emma's picture

To be honest I don't think il

To be honest I don't think il hear from him again. He finished it! He seemed adamant. I sent him an email telling him not to contact me now or in the future. If he gets intouch.. NC baby!!! I fell for his shit once I won't do it again! He made this choice and I'm sticking to it. I'm so glad you're in a good place spinning, hopefully I'm not far behind you!
Nov 8 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
Gravity
Gravity's picture

be prepared. He'll contact

be prepared. He'll contact you again. He may just trying to pursue "Linda" or someone else now. trust me, be ready, he'll be back. N's and P's RARELY let go of their dominance bonds. It takes a long time to hook someone and they don't let go once they do. Mine D&D'd me and he still follows me in the parking lot at our university every single day.
Nov 8 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
Emma
Emma's picture

In the nicest way Gravity, I

In the nicest way Gravity, I hope you're wrong. I have absolutely nothing to say to that piece of shit. One thing that did baffle me. We were chatting last week and he said I was unintelligent... Once he'd realised he'd upset and offended me, he started crying...I was abit taken back and didn't quite understand why he'd just break down like that...
Nov 8 - 4PM (Reply to #8)
Winter
Winter's picture

Emma, I agree with Gravity

Please, be ready. He will wait a bit, just to make sure your anger has gone and when you will start missing him, he "will be there". How many times I thought the narc I was involved with was proud enough for not contacting me after all the ignorance I gave him! He came across as so cool, indifferent and detached, such an alfa male. Big BS! And he still pops up from time to time with his hover attempt. Before I "took it for cash" and I believed in his love. Not anymore thanks to this forum. It is not a proof of anything like love or care. They just want to use us for their supply. Be ready and don't give in to him. Big Hugs, Winter
Nov 8 - 6PM (Reply to #12)
Emma
Emma's picture

He replied to my email. No

He replied to my email. No idea what it said I deleted it.. Just wasn't interested to see what he had to say, something nasty no doubt. Hopefully that will be it. I don't expect to hear from him anymore. I found this quote: 'When I stop responding it means that you aren't worth any more of my time, it doesn't mean you win.'
Nov 8 - 7PM (Reply to #13)
Winter
Winter's picture

Wow! Kudos! Take five!

You are an inspiration in your determination. I do admire you for having deleted his email before reading. I don't have this strength yet, even after 5 months of the NC. I don't do any contact, but still not able to delete his sms and emails before reading them. You really are a model to follow! Keep this determination forever. And of course you will find a true Love. Love Winter
Nov 8 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
Emma
Emma's picture

That man has absolutely

That man has absolutely nothing I want. I'm tired of him making me feel like I'm beneath him, making me feel guilty for his fuck ups. When I looked at him last week, there was nothing there that I used to like..empty eyes, dead heart. I'm done.
Nov 8 - 4PM (Reply to #10)
Winter
Winter's picture

Great Emma!

The only thing is that we tend to forget that we are done, when we start missing them and feeling pain, and wondering what they are etc... So, please, put in written everything you are feeling now, so you can re-read it when he will attempt to hover you or you will be tempted to contact him. You could also print this thread and read it as much as you can, especially when you feel low. To feel the urge to contact them or to answer to them is unfortunately beyond our free will. This is why it is called addiction. Be ready to feel tempted and make a plan NOW of what you will do when you will be tempted LATER. Lot of courage and strength to you! Winter
Nov 8 - 4PM (Reply to #11)
Emma
Emma's picture

Thank you Winter

Before, when he ended it, I felt empty, I ached, even just to hear his voice or to recieve a text would have made the ache go away. But there's nothing there now. I don't have the want to contact him. He's dumped me for the last time, as I see it there's nothing more to say. He wanted it this way, he got it. He can get his supply elsewhere, i have none to give. I don't feel as I did before when he did this. This time, I honestly never want to hear from him again. I'm more than happy to move on and put him in the past, and find someone who can give me what he can't. Love.
Nov 8 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
Gravity
Gravity's picture

Emma

I hope for yoru sake that I'm wrong too. It's a lot easier to move on when they don't contact you. Just be ready to ignore him if he does. I actually found a lot of article's that say that N's can make themselves cry very easily. My friends God-daughter is 2, and often times we will see her in front of the mirror making herself cry and making all of these "upset faces". She then will make herself cry or make an "upset face" when she wants something. N's are like 2 year olds, they have practiced this stuff again and again to get what they want. Stay strong, you ARE worth it and YOU CAN DO THIS :)