Foolish.

Re-read your post...he IS letting you know what's going on and what the whole situation is. His dismissive behavior towards you is a form of devaluing...silent treatment and making you wait and stonewalling are favorite tactics of a N. Confronting him about another woman only feeds his ego and reinforces his dominance bond. How much supply they get from making you aware of the Ow and watching you put yourself into "competition" with her! That's called triangulation, and its a way of him not outting his eggs into one basket...no matter what happens, he has back-up supply. Your situation and position has nothing to do with her, she is irrelevant to you. Wanting to talk things out with him is you giving him attention...you trying to control the situation by fixing it. Men know that women do this, and N-men exploit the heck out of this! His denial of having N traits would be typical N behavior. The N I was with, when I suggested he may have the disorder (I say suggested because I was being gentle in that moment, the reality is I had already seen 6 years of textbook behavior that utterly confirmed and validated my acceptance of who he is and what he is), the N I was with said he was "a bit too humble" to have NPD...he admitted to knowing that something was really wrong with him, yet he was not willing to accept that I had already made my mind up...he insists he has depression brought about by work-related stress. Whatever. I sincerely hope that you will stop and take a deep breath and realize that you are not going to change who he is or mend what has broken. The only thing you have control over is yourself and how you behave. What you are doing right now, in trying to convince him to conform to your version of events, is pointless. This guy has already indicated his position through his actions towards you, and you are "negotiating", which is not healthy for you. You are also "negotiating" from the weaker position, which is only going to cause you more hurt. You have already placed way too much of your own power in the Ns hands, and you are too caught up in your version of "the story" to see it objectively. Please trust in the wisdom of the people on this forum, because it is wisdom that comes from experience. Do whatever it takes to go NC and stay NC ...this is what it takes for the fog to lift and for your objectivity to come back. Doing this will protect your dignity and your integrity and you will thank yourself for it later, even if you are not understanding why you would, at this moment. Please go NC and trust in your inner wisdom that this man is abusing you and will not change. It will not "get better" between you and he, it will only get worse. So stop playing the game and go NC.

This is all very typical for an N. They do something wrong, they get caught, and they flip the blame on you so that you feel badly. So now YOU think you're the N, you feel badly about yourself, you want to prove him wrong, and just so that you're back in his good graces. He's trying to "punish" you for looking for the truth. While you are sitting around wondering what you did wrong, he can ignore you playing it off like you wronged him while he goes out and pursues "Linda" and his ex and God knows who else! He's planned this perfectly. I spent MONTHS on this forum posting stories and anecdotes about what the psycho would do and say, but at the end of the day of COURSE he is doing all of these things, he is an N! I remember once I told my therapist about all of the things my N at the time (there have been many) was doing and after I finished an elaborate story she paused, looked at me, and said "Gravity I have 2 words for you: WELL YEAH!" As in.. of course he is acting this way! He doesn't want you to ask questions so he's going to flip the blame. Not fair, and you don't deserve this.

You are searching for the wrong answers., You will get nothing from him .. If you like to play this game .. Then keep going back for more.. If you want answers start looking by seeing a therapist, reading and staying NC.. The answer is right in front of your nose.. Hunter

it will always be with this guy. It will not change. You must face the truth of this. If you like this kind of treatment and like how you feel now, keep in contact with this person. If you want better, no contact is the key. No contact, period. "Giving in" is an open invitation to him to abuse you and treat you poorly. Don't give him the invitation! Please consider this. He is treating you like shit. Don't allow it! No contact is your armour. No contact is the key to freedom from pain and confusion, self-doubt and abuse. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. BECAUSE I AM NO CONTACT!!