I feel like a complete lunatic!!

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#1 Nov 6 - 9PM

Gaia

I feel like a complete lunatic!!

I swing back and forth with everything, its so annoying. I hate him, I love him. Do I get rid of his stuff, yea F him! Throw it all away, burn it..or no I dont want to be cruel and throw peoples belongings away, he may come for them one day. Do I lock away his pics, or keep them in a scrapbook of memories because he was a part of my life.
Holy crap, why is everything such a pony ride. Seriously.
Maybe its just me, but I feel like I dont know my head from my arse lately.
I dont think he is even giving two shits what i am thinking or doing, but here I am picking up all the pieces.
Where is the damn karma in this, they just get to go on with their lives. RGGGGGGGG!!!
And I cant even decide if I want to be a bitter lesbian, or hope one day cupid doesnt hit me with another poison arrow..and try again.
I never honestly felt this confused in my life.

in regards to his "stuff", most of it isnt even his stuff- he left a bed here that is his sisters, she wants it back, or he left a box of things here that are his aunts..its pissing me off to look at these objects in my home, I want to just throw it all away, as he did me...but i feel like a damn jerk if I throw other peoples stuff away.

So annoyed.

SG XX

#2 Nov 7 - 7PM

dulcinea441

If it helps, it's totally

If it helps, it's totally normal to feel the way you do. Your whole life was a roller-coaster ride with the narc and you learned to live your life on edge. It takes a while to find your center again after what you've been through. I find it oddly reassuring to remind myself just how NORMAL these feelings truly are. At least I'm human. I'd rather be a basket case for a little while than an empty machine with no conscience.

#3 Nov 7 - 7AM

Hunter

They never clean up a mess..

They never clean up a mess.. thats for you to do.. That stuff is there because closing the door closes and opportunity for supply.. Put the stuff aside for the moment.. you're not ready to deal with it.. Do you like how you feel? Narcs Mission accomplished.. SOB!!! No he's not thinking of you at all.. Nice EH? Give him a dose of his own medicine .. Heal and move on.. Hunter

#4 Nov 7 - 6PM (Reply to #35)

Gaia

No hunter

You totally RIGHT! He never cleaned up his messes, even with other people he discarded right in front of me. He just left them in the dust. Guess its beneath him to clean house. UGGGH SOB! I will give him back his own medicine, since he likes mirrors so much, Ill MIRROR to him, that he is NOTHING and MOVE ON! Thanks love :) SG XX

#5 Nov 7 - 1AM

rosedewittbukater

Another news flash

bitter lesbians get narc'd too. I'm living proof. Though I wasn't bitter until after I got narked :( I was just a garden variety happy-go-lucky kind of lesbian, if such a thing exists (I'm beginning to wonder...). Rethink the lesbian thing. I'm living proof they can be just a vicious and abusive than any guy out there. Apparenly I got the one that thinks she's a man and hates (other) women. Just sayin'

#6 Nov 7 - 8PM (Reply to #33)

Susan32

From the mental RSS feed...

Gays and lesbians are as vulnerable to being Narced as straights. Ns/Ps are of any persuasion. It was a lesbian therapist (and professor, a colleague of the ex-Psych prof) who helped me regain my sense of self-worth during the final D&D. She got the focus back on ME. She validated my feelings of betrayal, helped me regain my sanity. It was a gay professor, an ex-boyfriend of the ex-Psych, who warned me against getting romantically&sexually involved with the ex-P. I don't know how I managed to follow his advice (I was IN LOVE, after all!), but somehow I did. This prof (now a lawyer) brought up issues of listening, respect... the qualities of HEALTHY relationships, and how I should think for myself. The ex-P was definitely a closet gay (he had a huge crush on then-governor Gary Johnson, now a Republican presidential candidate)... yet vilely homophobic. A misogynist, yes... but he treated other men just as horribly. You're right. NPD doesn't discriminate.

#7 Nov 7 - 7PM (Reply to #32)

dulcinea441

LOL. I used to get so

LOL. I used to get so frustrated with men that I'd wish I could somehow turn lesbian. But my gay friend assured me that two women together can be a whole bucket of crazy in their own right -- if not more so!

#8 Nov 7 - 3AM (Reply to #31)

empath

Rose

Love your sense of humor. :-) I am so leery of men that i jokingly considered trying to convert to being a vagitarian...you are so right though, Ns aren't limited to men. My bff is a gay male and he is still reeling from the N that blew through his life over a decade ago...even though he's had two successful long-term relationships since then. Cruel and disordered is cruel and disordered. We should start a dating service for Ns, so they can feed off their own kind.

#9 Nov 7 - 1AM (Reply to #30)

Gaia

rosedewittbukater

Aww sweetheart, I am very sorry..guess these narcs come in all shapes, color, sizes, varieties. Abuse is not bias. She was wrong for treating you that way, and I hope you go back to happy-go-lucky ;) HUGS to you! SG

#10 Nov 6 - 10PM

Syren66 (not verified)

LMAO @ Bitter Lesbian!

I got a newsflash for you...the xNs already think we are! :D

#11 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #27)

Gaia

got a newsflash for you...the xNs already think we are!

LOL!! You know what! He once told me that his X, the girl right before me.. shaved her head and became a lesbian. He even showed me pics of her with a shaved head. I should of ran, right then and there!! Lesbians rock. Besides they are WAY better than a bitter dried up, chewed up, spit out piece of narc crap they are. ;)

#12 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #28)

Syren66 (not verified)

Guys like them are the reason

Guys like them are the reason women switch teams.

#13 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #24)

Susan32

The OW who replaced me..

And became his wife. Well, that's what the rumor was. And considering how the ex-Psych treated me, I think he WANTED a lesbian as his partner (don't ask, don't tell, it doesn't matter anyhow) He was the one who had the gay rumors... and an ex-BOYFRIEND warning me about him... instead of the typical ex-wife/ex-girlfriend. I read here of women warning other women... but I was warned by A MAN. Maybe the ex-P just didn't want to be fighting over the same GUYS with me. He did fantasize about Gary Johnson (he's running for President, GOP) He liked men. I like men. Of course there were going to be problems.

#14 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #25)

Gaia

Susan32

LMMAO! You were too much competition for that "in the closet" gay boy( your XN). I am thinking they may all have closet gay syndrome, mine chatted up a dude online, and had sex with him constant..although he swore he thought that dude was a girl. Oh like thats any better, but he didnt like to call that cheating, cuz it was only with his mind...as he put it. WHAT. EVER.

#15 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #26)

Susan32

"Keep it in the closet"

The ex-Psych fantasized about Gary Johnson... back in the day when he was the Ironman Governor of New Mexico. Quite awhile ago. I was in New Mexico at the time;Johnson was constantly competing in athletic events,he made "Terminator" Schwarzenegger actually look accomplished. (And yes, the ex-P liked the Terminator series as well) My classmates would joke about setting him up on a date with Gary Johnson... just so he'd shut up about it. We were quite ready to pass the hat. Take up "love gifts." That's why I think some Ns/Ps PREFER having women fight over them... so they don't have to compete with other males. I don't mind if a guy is open&honest about being gay;my former Narc boss was like that. He didn't toy with women, romantically string them along or triangulate. It was "just friends" and he was CLEAR about that. Plus, he had an older boyfriend. If a guy is open about being bisexual, fine. It's his choice. However, I have low tolerance for "closet gay" syndrome. Especially when it leads to manipulation, dishonesty, and people getting hurt. It causes too much pain. Unnecessary pain.

#16 Nov 6 - 9PM

ally2375

Bitter lesbian?

Maybe we can call that "Plan B" ;) Gaia, this sounds like par for the course to me. It's the unfair reality that usually when we get off of the N roller coaster, we trade it in for an emotional roller coaster for awhile. The good news is, THIS coaster will slow down day by day. Make a plan to get rid of the stuff; I don't know your specific circumstances, but these guys tend to use stuff as a wedge to keep the door open. It's just stuff - trust me, if it was important to him, he would have taken it with him. It gets better; just trust in the process and give it time. For the short term, post-its are extremely useful when keeping straight your head and arse.

#17 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #22)

Gaia

ally ;)

With my luck, i will probably end up with a bitter narc lesbian partner. LOL! Shaking my head. You know, its funny you mention post its, when narky D&D me back 7 years ago, I had post its all over the place , for encouragement and self-love. I was torn apart. Time to get those post it notes out again! My co-workers at the time were wondering what the hell were all the lil notes in my space..hahahah..it really does work. XXOO SG

#18 Nov 6 - 9PM

Amiee

I agree with Syreen66, he

I agree with Syreen66, he left it there therefore you can do what you want with it. You probably left stuff at his place and it is gone. It isn't worth contact to swap stuff out. Call the local homeless shelter or thrift store and they will pick it up and haul it off. Delete the pictures to prevent the tempation to look at them, eliminate him as he did you and move on. Hell if you could pawn some of it, that would be good to and do something for your self with the money. Elminating his things make it easier to elminate him and move on. I understand the roller coaster and it has been a hell of a ride this weekend (in my head) but not having anything of his helps. HUGS! and you aren't a lunatic...he is!!!

#19 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #14)

Gaia

((HUGS)) AMIEE

Thanks love :)) Yes, I am wondering if he left this shit here on purpose, or he really has no care for anyone BUT HIS DAMN SELF. Not even his family, so sad. He does have lots of my things there, and I am sure he already tossed it all. By no means do I want to keep contact for stuff exchange, its so immature. I recall all his ex supply, be it friends or lovers..he always just left them in the dust WITH his stuff at their houses. I once got a call from one of his guy friends.. he D&D his best friend of 10 years! And his friend called me about all his "stuff" he left there, he was living with..err I mean living OFF his best friend. He never went and retrieved his stuff, NOR called his friend. His friend even said he would of forgave him if he had simply called him. HE NEVER DID. I even told the putz to call his friend, he is SUCH A DAMN COWARD!! They are all so pathetic excuses of humans. SEIOUSLY who does shit like this??? Love, SG

#20 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #15)

Amiee

Did you ever see the Seinfeld

Did you ever see the Seinfeld where George left the sable hat a the woman's place so he would have a reason to go back and have another contact? Unoriginal but George did get a second chance...she dumped him for sure then. Mine is such bastard I am sure he will give my things to new supply as gifts, as I am sure the things I received from him was from previous. I always thought it was odd very few things were from the store. He always excused them as having them when he lived overseas... They are cowards, especially fearful they will be discovered...

#21 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #20)

Gaia

Seinfeld and stuff

Oh I did see that episode, I nearly forgot! that is a classic move and hell he isnt even a narc..george. SO FUNNY! YES! that is a GOOD point, when you said he is probably giving stuff to his new OW/supply. I had the very same thought tonight! He would come over with random things, (not from a store) like a used CD tower, and said that his old roommate left it behind. i bet that it belonged to an EX. EWWW makes me sick! Now I want rid of everything he gave me, that gave me the creeps. They are not even original with gifts, like seriously.

#22 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #16)

Syren66 (not verified)

Oh, I didn't leave that house

Oh, I didn't leave that house until every last item that belonged to me was packed. I went through each room with a fine toothed comb...made him nuts watching it...but nothing was left behind.... OH, I almost forgot...I also made him destroy the sex tapes before I moved...told him I wasn't going anywhere until they were produced and destroyed. He kept saying he didn't know where they were and then the weekend before I moved out, he brought them up from the basement and said "here they are, I'm going to destroy them now...it was the only control I had left"....if that doesn't tell you everything about who and what he was, nothing will....and the real pisser is I never wanted the things made to begin with...because I never TRUSTED him.

#23 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #17)

Gaia

sex tapes and lies

I never trusted this imbecile either!! i just kept trying to trust him, but he kept proving me RIGHT..that he is an untrustworthy maggot!! Funny, that is how it ended..he said I had to give him FULL trust or he wouldnt take me back. HAHHAH, guess what asshole..I wont ever trust you, so I WALK! He really thought he had me on that blackmail. After he kept cheating and absuing me, lying about everything, he had the NERVE to ask for full trust. SICKO! Damn, he has some sex tapes on me too, some on his phone. I hope he gets rid of them, I forgot all about that. Just the thought of having sex with him now, makes my stomach churn. YUCK!

#24 Nov 6 - 11PM (Reply to #18)

Syren66 (not verified)

Yeah, he really didn't want

Yeah, he really didn't want to get rid of those things...and he was pretty upset that I couldn't have them destroyed fast enough. It's like he was in denial about the finality of what my leaving meant to the very end. I wanted a clean break...he wanted to linger...I had no doubt in my mind then that he would use those damn things as a method of control especially after I moved...He even made the suggestion that I take two of them with me and he'd hang on to two of them...I asked him if I should play them during movie night for a new guy that comes along in the future...he wasn't amused. I just didn't want to see them on You Tube...I wanted to envision him watching them alone after I had dumped him even less.

#25 Nov 8 - 12AM (Reply to #19)

Amiee

Oddly insane and

Oddly insane and creepy...while we were together he talked several times about how he had cautioned his daughter about making sex tapes, blah blah. While he was in VT with JoAnne, he texted me telling he how much he missed my breasts and asked me to send him pictures....WHILE HE WAS ON VACAY WITH ANOTHER WOMAN!!! RAT BASTARD

#26 Nov 6 - 9PM

Syren66 (not verified)

Well he obviously threw it

Well he obviously threw it away through the simple act of leaving it there. Forget what he wants...forget what his family wants...chuck the shit. As for the pictures and memorabilia....I get rid of everything...and I do mean everything (remember the bag of dog food in exchange for the police medallion?)...there isn't a single picture, card or gift from him in my home...nothing. I LOVE not having the constant temptation to look or even the anxiety of thinking about it being available...to me, it's a form of contact. This isn't the end of a normal relationship whereby you might handle it differently...this is the severance of ties to an abuser...toss that bitch out of your life on his ear! :D

#27 Nov 6 - 9PM (Reply to #2)

Gaia

Hell yea! Thats my girl!

LOL! Syren, seriously that totally IS my first gut reaction, burning it may feel even better. Some of the shit, I might sell , make some money too. Why not? I feel like a total bitch, and am sure one day (unless he resorts to his noraml cowardly acts) he may call me a bitch to his whole family cuz I threw away "their" stuff, but how unfair, he hasnt even contacted me to ask for any of it. But at this point, I can put money on it, he has already smeared my character to anyone that will listen to his pity party. I just try to be the nice one always, well I am SO tired of being nice. People just shit on it, and step on me. Big loving hugs to you Syren66! XXOO SG

#28 Nov 6 - 9PM (Reply to #7)

Syren66 (not verified)

Gut Reaction

And the last time we ignored our gut reactions? Well, we're here...nuff said. Yah, burn it...place a pox on his house...whatever you gotta do (within the confines of State/Federal/Voodoo laws) to make you feel better and exorcise that bastard from your day to day life. If you're asked about the family's crap, simply bat your eyelashes and state that you have no idea what they are talking about. That is your home...their shit is taking up space...what would happen to their precious stuff if they threw it in a storage locker and didn't pay rent? It would be thrown out or sold...so there...no brainer, isn't it? If they care so much about it they'd have claimed it by now. He just states it's important to them b/c it's his Pass Go card with you whenever he wants to play it and have an excuse to hoover. It's not the act of getting rid of the stuff, it's the symbolism of you retaking control and power for yourself...that is what matters here. Screw them all.

#29 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #8)

Gaia

Syren is ringing!

I like the voodoo ideas ;) , seriously I am 100 percent sure he is telling them some sob story that I am keeping the stuff from him not getting it. He did say in one last pathetic text over 20 days ago, that he would bring me my stuff with a cop to "keep peace"..cuz I am a lunatic that will attack him and he is a good guy. UGGH! he even was so kind to speak to me like a "business transaction"..what else is new. Or he said he would mail it all to me 3 weekends ago. Well, I still dont see it in the mail. F HIM and HIS damn games! I dont even want him near me, or IN my house. I swore he was stealing shit from me, I have so many missing things, and I think he was trying to make me feel crazy, like I was losing things. He really disgust me. XX

#30 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #11)

Amiee

Ya made me laugh! When we

Ya made me laugh! When we went to court for the civil protection order, the f'er stood up, without the judge's permission, to tell the judge what a stellar citizen he was, never even had a parking ticket, blah blah blah. Then went off about how I was a crazy bitch. NOTE: I have no weapons and I am 80 pounds and 6 inches shorter than him. This was all a lie because I was in the car when he got two speeding tickets and shot out his neighbors porch light. He has an entitled attitude and played the odds that the judge wouldn't check NCIC and look at this records in NY, AL, MI, WY. They are bold when they are playing the game. He sucked me in with his pity party about how his ex ( whom he is still married and never filed for divorce) had "abused him".Think of it like this, you will give him a good pity story for his next supply. Sorry to rant but I am just really annoyed with him tonight!

#31 Nov 6 - 10PM (Reply to #12)

Gaia

Amiee , rant away sister!

I am with you, just highly pissed and annoyed with his sorry ass. This f*cker has felony records w/ weapons, I wish I could casually mention that to his current boss, who failed to do a background check on him. And the nerve of his stupid therapist, which he seduced into believing he is a victim..she told me, that I was trying to ruin his career, when I called him at work once. I never tried to ruin anything, I even apologized for calling. He told me I could call his job anytime ..! This is the spell he cast on everyone , therapist too, to make himself look SO GOOD, and INNOCENT. This man hasnt a innocent bone in his body!! I am so sorry Amiee, I know how that feels- its shitty and you feel alone, like no one believes you. I am alone with this too. Everyone thinks I am the crazy one, and the abuser. but, let him have his pity party, I have faith he will fall on his ass one day. Love, SG

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