Your Dating Style?

Many of us are in (or keep getting in) crummy relationships because of our own feelings of unworthiness, or simply due to a fear of being alone or unloved. As such, we often ignore the Red Flags that our potential partners are waving right at us, and yet we continue to charge ahead anyway. Might you have made that mistake before?

To find out if you are currently a Desperate Dater (or maybe were one in the past) this eye-opening quiz can help you look at your own behaviors as you examine how you got into the relationships you’ve been in. If you’re uncertain about your answers, perhaps a close friend can better help you choose your answers as you begin your journey to better understanding what makes you tick in all your relationships.

(While this is worded from the women’s perspective, men can ask themselves the same questions about the women in their lives.)

1. Do others consider you the caretaker type?

2. Does it feel like you’re always putting your partner’s needs first?

3. Are you willing to invest more than a couple of months in a relationship where you feel increasingly less connected, than more connected to your mate?”

4. Do you make excuses for your partner’s behaviors? (Not calling when he says he will? Being chronically late? Drunkenness? Harsh words?)

5. Do you do whatever you can not to “rock the boat” in your relationships?

6. Do you compromise more than your mate in decision making?

7. Do you feel less smart, less able, or less important than your mate?

8. Do you ever wonder if your partner is lying to you about other women in his life, his whereabouts, his job, or responsibilities?

9. Do you choose your mate based on their financial status?

10. Do you ever distrust your partner?

11. Has it been so long since you’ve been in a relationship that you’ll do almost anything to get one?

12. Do you ever fear that if your partner leaves you may not find another one?

13. Have you given up things that are important in your life as they simply don’t fit with your mate? (i.e. dancing, sports, social events, time with your friends, etc.)

14. Do you ever feel uneasy around your partner? Even if you can’t put your finger on why?

15. Have you ever caught your partner in a lie?

16. Has your partner ever called you names?

17. Has your partner ever harmed you in some way (physically, emotionally, verbally, and/or sexually)?

18. Do you expect that love means your partner should be able to read your mind?

19. Does your mate claim his love for you but then does things to the contrary?

20. Are you staying in a relationship that you know is unhealthy for you?

21. Do you have children involved who may be being affected by an unhealthy partner as well?

22. Are you the one always apologizing for all that is wrong in your relationships?

23. Does your mate apologize but the apology always comes with a “but?” (“I’m sorry I yelled, but if you hadn’t gotten me mad first, I wouldn’t have had to.”)

24. Do you keep staying in a relationship where no one claims their love for each other?

25. Do you jump into bed with a new potential partner before you really know him well, worrying that if you don’t, he may find someone else?

SCORE:
Add up your “yes” answers and find out if you’re a Desperate Dater below…

0-5 While you’re clearly not a Desperate Dater, you have some slight tendencies to not be loving and caring for yourself as much as you probably should be. Ask yourself why you don’t deserve better.

5 – 10 You’re beginning to show a clear behavior path that indicates you don’t feel as important as those around you. This is the first step to accepting bad behaviors from others… and any old relationship that might come along.

10 – 15 I’d guess you’ve had some crummy relationships before and you keep wondering what it is you keep doing wrong that leaves your relationships in ruins. You’re becoming desperate for love and not recognizing when others are taking advantage of you. And you generally lose yourself to any relationship you’re in.

15 and up Yep. I’m sad to report that you are a Desperate Dater. You don’t feel complete if you’re not part of a pair or if you don’t have someone validating your value through a relationship – any relationship! Until you learn to value yourself first and foremost, your relationships will be frustrating, emotional roller coasters that leave you in a heap and wondering how you got there!

from: Mary Jo Fay, RN, MSN
http://www.outoftheboxx.com/quizzes/desperate_dater.htm