You Will be Forgotten....
You Will be Forgotten....
I never got to write a simple good bye, good riddence note. He foiled my moving plans by being at home when he shouldn't have, went for gold with a few extra anti anxiety pills and went for it anyways and now I'm free. I have already learned my lesson starting to tell him what was wrong...my bad, now I know about true twisting is. Now that I'm out, I see him for the true nut case he really is. Here is my overdue goodbye.....
The day I moved in with you I had realized our fairy tale had ended. I did the "catholic" thing and moved in pregnant with our twins. There were so many red flags in the early stages of dating I ignored. In hind sight, was newly single, off an abusive first marriage and a single mom. Sweep in prince charming and you had me hooked. The fact you couldn't tell me exactly how many children you had in the first 6 months should have been a flag, hearing from your own daughter about her brothers. You had also dumped an OW to be with me. What I know now, I feel bad for her because I don't think I got the entire story from you.
When I was in the hospital with our babies, you couldn't be bothered to spend time with us. You took off the next day after their birth and you weren't at the hospital. My bet you were with the phone # I found in your wallet. The next year in my babies lives were hell for me, you were never there. Always off with your friends and I was home alone with newborn twins. That was quite the time and journalled that if I made it through, I had a five year plan to escape.
The five years came and went. I must have been falling into the fog. I believed your lies. I followed your rules. I dismissed my family and friends. I lost my dreams, I lost myself. I could not go out to a simple movie without you losing it. You had me do all the housework and clean up after you and your other children because it was "good for me" "kept me active". Even maids get paid for their services. You financially abused me, it was only the last few years I've been finding out about your "secret" accounts. My entire paycheque went to pay the mortgage and I had to account for every dime YOU contributed, making sure I wasn't wasting YOUR money.
Let's add in the sexual abuse, ahhhh let's call it what it was...rape. I lost interest in your porn star moves years ago, did you know we have 1,203,115 pieces of stipple on the ceiling? Yes, I counted. The act of having sex with you nauseated me but I had to do it so you wouldn't go off on the kids, thought it would make you a happy camper. Was I wrong.
Verbal/Emotional. You were a master at it. Gaslighting, crazy making, you owned the manual, I thought I was going nuts.
And let's not forget MY affair (yes I did have an emo affair after years of neglect last summer) Now everything that has happened in the last 9 years you blame on my indiscretions. When we had the come to jesus meeting, moderated by your sister, little did I know then last November, that everything that I told her was abusive treatment towards me for the last 9 years. I was so confused and mistreated since we moved in together, I didn't know what talking to another man would do, perhaps it was the starting of my mini rebellion. I needed validation that I still existed since you cut me off from the world.
And now....you are in denial any of this happened.
And now....you are trying to desparately get me back.
And now....suddenly you are father of the year when you clearly had no interest in your children
And now....my bio D from my first marriage is somewhat important to you, even though you treated her so bad over the years she wanted to commit suicide because of you.
And now...you suddenly and clearly see what you have done to me.
I see right through you. I am tired of the games and I am out. I know I'm supposed to be NC, but guess what you little troll....I'm not going to play your stupid games any longer. You are using the children to contact me and only me....quit telling me that "you're so cold", get used to it because I have NO feelings for you. Knowing that NC will drive you further into insanity will give me great satisfaction.
Good bye N, please find your next supply SOON.