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YOU IS..............

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#1 Nov 10 - 8AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

YOU IS..............

So many here in pain, so many feeling low, so many doubting themselves. This is all part of the process and very understandable......

I can't help but think of one of my favorite scenes in the movie "The Help". Aibilene, knowing that the little girl she took care of was neglected, made sure to remind her every day that she mattered. In hopes that she would grow up feeling that she did indeed matter.

YOU IS KIND......
YOU IS SMART.....
YOU IS IMPORTANT.....

Please know that this applies to each and every one of us as well and we need to remember this at all times. ESPECIALLY when we are feeling low.

Never doubt yourself, never allow them to make you doubt yourself. We are all beautiful human beings and the narcs, very ugly human beings.......

We all deserve better and will have better one day. They won't. Never will.........they will wander the earth aimlessly seeking out their next kill. We will thrive, with a bit of hard work and effort, we will thrive!

Knowing your worth, is a beautiful thing.....and a very important tool to get through your journey!

Stay strong and know you are not alone in this.

Nov 10 - 1PM
greengirl91
greengirl91's picture

Thank You for being you! And

Thank You for being you! And for believing in us, when we forget to believe :)
Nov 10 - 1PM (Reply to #18)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Greengirl, you are very

Greengirl, you are very welcome! I believe in each and every one of you! Never stop believing in yourself! Your the little engine that could! :)
Nov 10 - 9AM
emtg
emtg's picture

The Help

Odd that you would mention this movie! Something about it I loved and saw it during the worst phase of all of this. I bought the CD and have been listening to it all the time (Great Bob Dylan son - "dont think twice it's alright") and I say the three "you is" to my dog every night. He had a rough go when neglected and physically hurt by my ex n. thanks for this - great post to wake up to!
Nov 22 - 4PM (Reply to #16)
really
really's picture

I say it to my dog, too!!!

I say it to my dog, too!!! He was a rescue doggy (Beagle) who someone let go because he was a handful! He's doing really well now and even better since I started spending all my time with him rather than the N.
Nov 10 - 10AM (Reply to #15)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

You are welcome emtg! I am

You are welcome emtg! I am glad the movie inspired you to buy the music. That is a great song! I am glad you tell your dog that every night too. That is terrible that he beglected and hurt your pet. See, they pick on anything that is defenseless......it's just what they do. I would venture to say, that before you met him, you would have never given someone like him the time of day...... Stay strong and know that you are so better off without that animal disguised as a human being. :)
Nov 10 - 9AM
ordinarycourage
ordinarycourage's picture

Pearls of Wisdom

So true...I'm planning on wearing my pearls from now on!
Nov 10 - 9AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You is.... Applies to you

You is.... Applies to you Sparrow!!! Hunter
Nov 10 - 9AM (Reply to #12)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

You is...... too Hunter! :)

You is...... too Hunter! :)
Nov 10 - 8AM
alicat
alicat's picture

Thank you Sparrow! I needed

Thank you Sparrow! I needed this! I am sitting at work crying! Just depressed over everything! I read this post and it made me feel better. Thanks again!
Nov 10 - 9AM (Reply to #10)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Alicat, you are welcome. I

Alicat, you are welcome. I am sorry you are crying today. Crying is good though. Get it all out. There will be a day when you have no tears left for him. I promise. Chin up and stay strong!
Nov 10 - 8AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Self worth; Self esteem

Is the key to recovery. Once this kicks in again or maybe for the first time, the PD begins to lose their significance. They don't have the power really, only to the extent in which we give it to them. We have the power inside of ourselves to determine our destiny. Casting your pearls upon swine will only bring about more pig shit. Cast your pearls upon yourself and those worthy of your love. I love this Sparrow as I love all of your posts. Thank you for being you, you are an amazing loving worthy powerful woman to this site and I'm sure to all who know you. God bless, Goldie
Nov 10 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Goldie, your kind words touch

Goldie, your kind words touch my heart. Thank you so much! And I love the pearls/swine analogy. Very cool and so very true! What's that other saying? Your can put a dress on a pig, but it's still a pig. I think thats how it goes. Have a wonderful day my friend!
Nov 10 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
GeorgiaGirl
GeorgiaGirl's picture

As we like to say in Georgia

you can put all the lipstick you want on a pig, but at the end of the day it's still just a pig.
Nov 22 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Lol, Georgia

Yup that about sums up the relationship with a PD. God bless, Goldie
Nov 10 - 10AM (Reply to #3)
blueworld
blueworld's picture

sparrow

i posted a comment no one responded to so im going to ask you. what was i dealing with? you guys all expressed the crying thing well i cried and he sometimes he would call me a faker or mock me this was usually in his raging at me but others.... he cried during movies moulin rouge in the scene of dexter when rita got murdered nomeo and juliet songs they sing on glee the notebook at the end of bridesmades when wilson philips sings with everything i went through the compulsively lying about big things small things or nothing the physcial and verbal and emotional the constant getting numbers and lying to my face about it and all the blame placing and silent treatments and everyting too much to list.... doesnt add up? my narc was emotional does this mean i didnt deal with a narc?
Nov 10 - 8PM (Reply to #5)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

Blueworld-He probably was not

Blueworld-He probably was not crying for the character in the song/movie. He is all about himself and he was crying because there was something there to trigger his victim mode. Just a theory. I have a narc relative that seems to cry over ever case and cause known to man. You would think they were the most empathetic person in the world. In reality, their actions never match all their crying. Your narc probably just cried because he is a miserable, lonely, soulless creature and feels sorry for himself. My daughter and I say the you is kind phrase to each other everyday. That just broke my heart when someone that was so beat down had so much love left in them to give to another. It also gave me hope. That was a moment (even if it was in a movie)that pushed me forward in life.
Nov 11 - 3AM (Reply to #6)
NarcJunkie
NarcJunkie's picture

Agreed - my narc cried all the time

Everytime he thought about breaking up with his gf (while he was pulling me in) and everytime someone asked him how he was doing after the breakup, he would just tear up right away. "I can't break up with her, it would destroy her"... "Look what I did to this girl... but I HAD to..." He even honestly thought she had committed suicide one day when he couldn't reach her. Talk about feeling like the center of the universe! ;) I bought into this for the longest time, then I realized that he wasn't crying over her at all - he was just being a drama queen and using his tears to extract NS. If he had TRULY cared about her he would have: - talked to her and tried to save the relationship - asked himself: what can I do to make HER feel better? - met up with her when she wanted to see him instead of avoiding her (the girl came back into town 10 months after her D&D and he "wasn't ready" to see her and basically hid from her) They cry because they feel sorry for themselves or as an act to get you hooked. Tears work really well with girls - my Narc knows that. P.S.: his ex gf is doing great and has found a new bf... so much for her being "destroyed" lol
Nov 10 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Blueworld, I am so sorry that

Blueworld, I am so sorry that you created a post and no one responded. Please don't think that you were being ignored. Sometimes, I notice, if a lot of people are creating posts at the same time, some can move quickly to the "Topic" file and alot of people don't reference "previous" posts, they deal with what is on the board at the time they are logged on. If inthe future, you find you are not getting a response, repost or comment under your post asking for someone to read it......it doesn't happen often, but it can. For me, I have not been on as often as I would like to be but am trying to play "catch up" now. As far as emotions go. I believe some narcs do experience emotion, after all, they are human. But I don't believe they even understand their own emotions. There are so many different types of narcs in the world. Fromthe list of things that you said seemed to move him, they mostly have to do with loss. The Wilson Philips thing though had me a little baffled but maybe the "happy ending" for someone who suffered loss? I'm not sure...... Sounds to me as if he suffers a bit more than NPD. He may be bipolar as well. Couldn't know for sure. But, with that said, you can not help him. He will not change. Please don't read too much into his emotional displays. They could also be an act......and as far as it not "adding up", it never will. With every layer of him that you peel back, you will find more and more wrong with him. Cut your losses, be thankful no more harm than what has been done is done.....work on understanding you, because you are who is most important in this equation! And remember, reach out any time. We are all here to help!