Yesterday if felt great,,today I'm a mess again?

So yesterday I realized what a bad match we were. How mean he could get when things didn't go his way, he would get mad at anything then try say it was a joke, he was a bully.

Today I am missing him all over again. I don't know why I care but I keep wondering what he is doing,where he is living, why he left in the middle of the night and moved back to Fl. did he go back to his ex wife,,is he living with a friend, does he have a job, does he miss me, is he with a different woman, did he ever love me, why did he hate himself so much he lied to make himself look better?

I hate days like this. I'm watching a show and this couple is all cuddled up on the sofa. I'm wondering if I will ever have anyone to cuddle with again? AND will it be real if there is a next time.

Yesterday I was perfectly fine being alone.