A year ago.....

We were married on April 18th, 2012. If you read my story you will know what a nightmare that was. I haven't been the same since that day. Now I am remembering how I felt one year ago. I knew something was off. Things were not perfect but we were getting married. I thought I was happy. I thought I was excited. He tried backing out before we left claiming we couldn't afford it (destination wedding) All of my friends and family were so happy for me. I finally found a great guy. Very few people knew how he really was. I knew we would have challenges, especially with our parenting styles. I had no idea what a nightmare my life would turn in to.
I can't get these thoughts out of my head. I can't seem to stop crying. I feel sick to my stomach. I partly feel sorry for myself, I'm party mourning the loss of what I thought I had, I'm partly very angry with him.
Our divorce is final. NC is working great. (he hasn't even tried to contact me so I'm thankful, he is making that part easy for me)
I have been in weekly therapy. I just don't know what to do to feel better. I'm not functioning at work, at home....I have little energy. I feel like I am just getting by. I feel like I am digging a hole by not doing daily tasks for myself. I know time heals everything but I really need something......anything to just feel better.
I want to plan a little get together with my friends for the 18th. A kind of "I'm free" celebration. I just don't want to be overly emotional and have it turn in to a pity party. I'm posting just in case any of you have a great idea of something little that you did that made you feel better.