WTF AGAIN REALLY?

Ok so I know I posted a couple days ago trying to figure out WHY my x sent me a request on Words Wth Friends.........and I got great feed back from members. It was either a "Hoover" or a mistake, some flook through the game/Internet/whatever.........so I deleted the request and went about my business since 2 weeks ago he told me to "lose his number" & "never contact him again". Well ok, fine......that works for me. I'm trying to "heal" and the less I have to deal with him the easier it should be, right?? I want it to be EASIER!! I want to just "get over it" like my friends keep saying. Actually, I'd like to punch SOMEof those "friends" in the face and say its NOT THAT EASY!!! Don't they thinki would "get over it" if I could?? I am NOT the same person they knew before HIM, unfortunately if they aren't physically around me, they can't really SEE that. They find it difficult to believe that the "strong, independent, take no shit, resilient" woman they all knew could be decimated like I was.

Now WTFing F? SERIOUSLY???

Anyway, I did post about the game request but and i think I also briefly mentioned the stupid email he sent me last week out of nowhere. I had been locked out of my AOL acct for a few weeks because I think someone hijacked it. I finally went in and changed my passwords and whatever and checked my email and there it was, a random email from HIM from a few days earlier. The email was HIM "thanking me for turning him on to astrology" because it "really explained WHY he was the way he was in relationships" and blah blah blah. So the email was basically HIM using something that I enjoyed (and he was unfamiliar with until meeting me) to excuse his bad behavior. I chucked at the email and deleted it.

Well, this morning, I get a "ding" on my phone that I have email. I didn't think much of it because now that I have my new phone I no longer shudder when I get that text notification like I did before with my old phone. So I pick up my phone and once AGAIN, it's an email from HIM?!?!?!? When I click on my email icon, my phone automatically opens the newest message and THIS message is another astrology thing about "The Gemini Moon Sign". It's a long thing, obviously copied and pasted from some astrology website. I glanced at the first couple of words before once again LMAO and deleting it........I deleted it because of wanting NC from him and I LMAO'd because he's a FKKNG VIRGO!!!! I almost wanted to respond and tell him that it's real nice he found a hobbie (or better yet an excuse for his disorder) but if he was gonna send me "explanations" like that, to at the very LEAST, make sure he's sending me the correct information using his CORRECT SIGN!! Although, looking at it, Gemeni seems like a better sign for him anyway since it's the "twins" and he obviously has TWO SIDES!!!

Anyway, before anyone panics, NO, I did not respond to his email as much as I wanted to. I just knew that responding by correcting him would put me deep in the hurt locker and just instigate MORE emails because he ALWAYS HATED BEING WRONG!!! And any time I pointed out something that he WAS wrong about, I mean actually WRONG, boy did I get it!! So much like that LAST email and his previous texts from a couple weeks ago, I didn't respond. No, I walked out to my pc, opened up ALL my email accounts and BLOCKED HIM! I know I should have done it sooner but think I was still in "denial" over his being an N. Sometimes I still find myself trying to "deny" it and THOSE are the hardest feelings to overcome when they hit.

I also posted that I had started a job 3 days ago because I really thought that working would help keep my mind OFF him & the relationship but I ended up resigning today because I could SEE how the trauma of his abuse, mind-f&cking, isolation and manipulation for the last 2 years had deeply affected me. The first day he and the relationship battles ran through my mind all day. And even tho I felt empowered that I had actually "survived", I was a very scary day. Well yesterday we were doing a work sheet comparing characteristics of "good listeners vs bad listeners" (because it's a customer service job) and I found that when I was filling in the "bad listeners" column, EVERYTHING I wrote was about HIM!!! Ugh......then I started to become very anxious because I was afraid of what would happen with me when that first "irate caller" came into my phone. I realized right then and there that I was fooling myself and was NOT READY to be back to work. The people made me nervous, the training made me irritable and I just wanted to leave. I felt it was best for me, and the company that I not continue the training and resigned and then immediately contacted a place for counseling because I realized that I can't do this on my own.

Anyway, I hope everyone is well..........