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Worst part?

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#1 Oct 17 - 3PM
ash5233
ash5233's picture

Worst part?

I know we are all in different stages of this, and since I am new, and I know I'm going to think and feel so much more soon, I was just curious as to what the worst part of all of this is for each of you. Once you recognize it, what is/was the hardest part to digest?

I'm stuck in the angry phase. My pain is the worst when I think about how someone could do this to me, how someone I loved could hurt me so badly and continue to hurt me despite knowing that I'm so heartbroken over this. How could someone treat ME this way, when I have never ever thought about being this horrible to a person in my life.

Of course every single day I'm somewhere different, but it's all basically anger-filled right now.

What else will I feel? How do I cope with each of those thoughts and emotions and phases I know I will go through?

Oct 18 - 3PM
tooloyal
tooloyal's picture

Knowing that I allowed him to hurt me.

Looking back, it was quite clear the entire time that I was not dealing with the typical person. I was fascinated by his lack of character and integrity. He was part of my life and used me and abused me because I let him. That is hard to accept. But once I did, I was able to move on. Just take it one day at a time. Things will get better. I now am grateful for the experience. I know how to spot a narc and I gracefully exit before they can suck me into their orbit.
Oct 18 - 9AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Ashley

I am over 2 years out of a 15 year relationship with a narc and my best advice like others before me is to read everything, these blogs books on NPD, other websites too like Melanie Antonio Evans, it is a HUGE learning experience to recover, but recover you will if you do your homework. What astonished me is how he became another man after he moved away and I dare to raise the question via letter of a more equal relationship between the 2 of us, no big deal right, but for him it would mean giving up some control, no way.and then he became real ugly to me via letters again and said some horrible things, that was the shocker and /I wrote back who are you??that stage was a nightmare after all our years together and knew nothing about NPD at the time........
Oct 17 - 10PM
ready2receive
ready2receive's picture

The worst and best are the same

The worst part for me will turn into the best part, I hope. That would be - ACCEPTANCE - really believing that my N was such a mess and incapable of really loving me. Accepting that he brainwashed me and made me question everything I held true. I allowed him to make me believe I was a bad parent (even my ex-husband defended me on that one!) and he even tried to make me believe that I neglected him because I had to spend time with my children. NEGLECT? WOW. So trying to accept it all is the hardest part, but I know that it is key to moving on - which is where the best part comes in (I'm counting on that!). Peace to you...to all of us!
Oct 17 - 5PM
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

Worst part

For me it was accepting that the love I thought was so real was all an illusion. The person I fell in love with really never existed, and never loved me. Secondly, I gave my heart and soul to someone and was never truly known by this person. I was "studied", because an N must study their targets in order to mirror them. I thought this person was the love of my life and wanted to know everything there was to know about her. Yet, I walked away feeling she never really knew me at all...because it was and always will be "all about her" It leaves you feeling completely exasperated, drained, frustrated, and yes, angry. You are going to feel something different every day. The healing process is not linear. The best advice I can give you is to deal with the gamut of emotions you will be experiencing. You have to work through them, not over them or around them. Think of it as paying the toll now to ride on a healthy road in the future. One day at a time, and stay no contact! xx, Rose
Oct 17 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You feel what you feel., It

You feel what you feel., It takes as long as it takes to heal.. I will say the sooner you stick to NC the etterNo and faster you will move forward! You need to understand the person in question is disordered.. He does not behave as a normal human.. Read everything!' Hunter
Oct 17 - 3PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Ashley, for me the entire

process was tough but what I found most helpful was reading the blogs. The blogs here are filled with information that leads to understanding and for me knowledge was key in working through this. Many of the blogs also have information that helped me understand what needed to be worked on within myself to avoid repeating the same mistakes over and over. Lisa also has some really helpful blogs about retraining the brain and tips to reduce obsessive thoughts. As for the anger phase, for me it still crops up now and then. Mostly I'm angry at myself for being in such a fog that I allowed myself to be treated so poorly for so long. I find the anger phase much more tolerable than the depressed, wounded stage. When I look back now, I realize it was NEVER GOOD and I have not one good thing to say about the entire six years of hell I was in. That's the truth that I've worked hard to swallow. Read, read, read. It really helps. Knowledge is power! Most sincerely, (not) spinning. I REFUSE TO SPIN EVER AGAIN. A DISORDERED FREAK WILL NOT TAKE ME DOWN.

spinning