Worries

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#1 Sep 2 - 9AM
Mariline
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Worries

I am having some financial worries at the moment and I was having a really bad moment. I fel reaaly low. I still do. But I realize that if the N would have been still with me it would have made no difference, on the contrary: I should have been worrying also about him, about not sounding too concerned and depressed, about not letting him know because he would have considered me a failure.

OMG how alone I have always been. It's not self pity, it's just a realization.

Girls a word of encouragenet today would be really appreciated. Thanks.

Sep 2 - 9PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Marilene

Yes, sweetheart, illness was cause for 1) telling him and feeling like crap beacause he didnt care or 2) not telling him because it would upset him. Jesus. The wrongness.
Sep 2 - 10AM
tigger73
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How alone you have always

How alone you have always been, but what strength you have always had, and that is the one thing he did not take from you. You are not commited to an institution, you are still walking upright and have the rationality that he is ill, you came out of it INTACT. Finanacially strapped, but mentally INTACT. And no money can buy that. I can totally relate to having to worry about "his" reaction to everything. I didn't even properly grieve for loved ones I have lost because he would be pissed. It made him uncomfortable. I was alone in my own mind for 10 years. But he never was able to take my soul. I always knew it wasn't right, not normal. I always said in my mind, gosh, how lucky I am that the one thing he can't control is my own thoughts. I never let him have that. And if he only knew my thoughts about him and his raging ugliness.....you will be o.k. Again, no amount of money can buy peace and happiness and wholeness......all the things WE possess, and all the things THEY will never have. At the same time, I pray that Karma is good to you and you are able to get the finances in o.k. shape. Hugs to you today. I am your sister and your friend, and we are all here for you today.
Sep 2 - 11AM (Reply to #11)
Mariline
Mariline's picture

Finanacially strapped, but

Finanacially strapped, but mentally INTACT. And no money can buy that. Thank you Tigger. Your words really touched me. And thank you for your prayers. I really need them, of any kind....and I must be strong for my son, and I must get out of here. I must. Thank you, having you all here is really a gift without price.
Sep 2 - 10AM
wholeagain
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Dear Mariline

I really understand what you're saying. When you're in the middle of it it's hard to see how much of our brain power is going toward worrying over how they'll react to everything, keeping them emotionally stable, etc. The same was true for me--every worry was made bigger by worrying about how he'd handle it. And also because when it came to finances he had no concept of reality, and liked to spend money like there was no tomorrow. He had to look and feel good at all times! You're a strong woman, and I know you'll make it all work. When I'm feeling worried about finances I try to take a few minutes to sit, get quiet and make sure the universe knows I'm open to success, prosperity and opportunities. Yes in your relationship you probably were alone in many ways, but you have a lot of sisters here :)
Sep 2 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
Mariline
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And you are wonderful

And you are wonderful sisters. You do not realize how much help you have given me. May God bless you all.
Sep 2 - 10AM
Amy
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Mariline

You are very strong from everything I have read. This too shall pass! I know you will get through it!
Sep 2 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
Mariline
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Thank you Amy (((hugs))) I

Thank you Amy (((hugs))) I need some miracles or a sort of "creative" maths LOL ...thank God for this site
Sep 2 - 10AM
Used
Used's picture

mariline

i know what you mean, i was having my heating fixed a couple of weeks ago, and thought wish exh was here to take it off me a bit. am i insane, if he was here1 he would have had tv on and tell the workman not to be so noisy2 or start talking to said workman about anything and everything[then when gone ex would say he never stoped talking did he?, i wouldnt know n only you sent me in kitchen for refreshments. or3 he would have sodded off out. i too felt so alone with him, i used to ask my self why do i feel alone, i know now. i wouldnt go back with this idiot if he won the lottery, i wish he would, he could buy all the weed and all the booze he wanted and kill himself in a year, fingers crossed..
Sep 2 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
Mariline
Mariline's picture

:-))))) no used they would

:-))))) no used they would waste money , it should come to us instead, we would use it for being healed and healing (your comments made me smile!!!!! and your N resembles mine a lot)
Sep 3 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
Used
Used's picture

healed

yes i know what you mean, idiot that i was even after i divorced him i was still giving him money, he said to me once, you can afford it, when i kicked him out, he was a skunk of the first water, oh and as for workmen, they would have been lucky to get paid anyway from him,if they did it would have been less than they expected, he was a con man too.sorry i went on then i was suppose to say at least we can be healed, they are rotten to the core. and i find this board and people like yourself helping me heal and change. they wont.
Sep 2 - 10AM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Don't worry about being worried

You've got it right about Ns. They cannot stand it if you have YOUR OWN PROBLEMS. You're not supposed to have a life outside of them. Being worried IS NATURAL. You don't have to apologize for your feelings anymore. You're free of that. I hope your financial problems get straightened out. You're a good person, you have feelings, you can do it!
Sep 2 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
Mariline
Mariline's picture

Thank you Susan. I do

Thank you Susan. I do appreciate this. (((hugs)))