( - ) world view? | Lisa E. Scott

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#1 Jan 4 - 6PM

bgirl

( - ) world view?

Something that nags at me constantly is fear. Fear of another rejection, more criticism, more betrayal, more lies. How do you overcome this negative world view i seem to have?
To be honest, I would rather check out of life than check back in...:/

#2 Jan 5 - 7PM

onwithmylife

bgirl

hang i there i was 15 off and on with man, no kids but i am determined to get on with my life and hopefully meet a nice normal man and can leave him in the dust, ?II know he must be very lonely and sad as he has contacted me though letters and all very hateful and mean towards me, it is HIS pain he is projecting............

#3 Jan 5 - 7AM

Soldier Girl

bgirl

The only place we need to check out from is Narcville There is another world out there we have been living in Narcville to long The only way to check out of Narcville is to say f**k you narc And start treating yourself the best you ever have . Eat well sleepy well do what you like Hair nails done . New clothes what ever makes you feel good . Start getting better ! Narc will hate that And then call the taxi to leave Narcville Xxxx

#4 Jan 5 - 6PM (Reply to #17)

bgirl

You are right Soldier

You are right Soldier Girl...I HAVE to do this...for my kids. What I feel right now is that they are the only reason I am here...not for myself at all. I suppose 'waking up' takes a long time and finding a focus may take even longer....this piece of work has certainly done a number on me. I can't comprehend why or how but I can't seem to get him out of my head!!! grrr

#5 Jan 4 - 9PM

13Moons13

Girl, if you check out he

Girl, if you check out he wins and your chilldren lose..it's that simple. I will win no matter what..and I will drag you with me if I have to..DON'T LET HIM WIN..HE'S NOT WORTH IT!! YOUR BABIES ARE WORTH FIGHTING FOR...AND SO ARE YOU!!!

#6 Jan 4 - 10PM (Reply to #15)

bgirl

I know he wants to win. He

I know he wants to win. He even said to me... You would never do anything to hurt yourself would you? It's like they WANT someone to get really hurt to prove how much they love them.... When you love someone it is the very WORST thing to see them in pain. That's mostly why i put up with the nonsence...he was good at acting like he was in pain, turmoil, despair when he was without me....but i think this is ultimately what he wanted me to feel without him...and i do... He has won round one.

#7 Jan 4 - 7PM

lightandlove

world view

Stay with this though - no matter how negative and painful it might feel right now - cos you are on the verge of discovering something really important and insightful about yourself ! This is what my therpaist told me about 3 months ago when I went to her with the same feelings of depression and having feeling like there was no point to life. For some of us, the after shock of life with a destructive Narc, actually reinforces our " negative" world view. For me - my ex-fiance kicking me out and calling off our engagement did nothing but reinforce how I think about the world, men, relationships and myself. I sadly realised through self analysis that what happened to me in those 3 years with him and literally eroded my self esteem to such a point that I no longer did anything for myself and made him the centre of every facet of my world. 8 months on and I am finding me again, my world view is no where near as negative as I thought previously. I won't lie - I still have concerns about men and relationships but most importantly I KNOW that I am a good person and purely be being alive and loving of myself, my dog, my family and dearest friends - I deserve love and life and joy ... just NOT with him !!! I would kindly suggest that the the sadness you feel now is as a result of how he has treated you. Think about it rather than feel it - it gets easier each and every day. I have a long way to go ... but I WILL get there and you will too ! Keep strong ! By all means have a look at my story on my profile and you'll get an insight into just what I went through ... not to mention my miscarriage 3 days after he kicked me out ... an event that hurt me to my core and one he has never commented upon nor offered me his condolences ... do we really need to love men who could be so sadistic and callous ?? I think not... Sandra

#8 Jan 4 - 8PM (Reply to #13)

coffeeaddict66

WOW--Thank you for sharing this.

Your view and attitude after what you have been through is really inspiring to me. Thank you so much for sharing your story. My heart breaks for you. "I would kindly suggest that the the sadness you feel now is as a result of how he has treated you. Think about it rather than feel it " This is one of the simplest yet most profound statements I have come across. The idea that I can seperate - and think about what happened -- not necessarily keep feeling it. This helps more than you know, as I try to get my thinking straightened out.

#9 Jan 4 - 7PM

Sparrow

Check out of life? That's

Check out of life? That's the saddest thing I have read on this forum for quite some time. Are you seeing a therapist? Please do, and please mention these feelings. You are in the beginning of your journey, it's a hard one, yet beautiful at the same time, you will see. Give it time, and don't give up my friend, life...........it's worth living. Stay strong and have faith.

#10 Jan 4 - 8PM (Reply to #9)

bgirl

Thank you. I WANT to believe

Thank you. I WANT to believe that it is. I do. I just don't feel that it is. It is an inner struggle...torments me everyday. My therapist knows i have suicidal thoughts everyday...she also tells me she hasn't met anyone more committed to trying to alleviate them...so I guess it is one day at a time...and when i stop and sit and think about where I am everytime i feel that bad...i say to myself 'at this very moment I am ok...right this second i'm ok...so i'm hoping they'll start to add up soon.. Thank u so much for your kindness...

#11 Jan 4 - 8PM (Reply to #10)

Sparrow

I know this is painstakingly

I know this is painstakingly hard, believe me, I was there. I am proof that this can be overcome, as is many who have remained on this forum to help. Whenever you have these terrible thoughts, think about the reason why............is he worth it? Absolutely not. No one on God's green earth is worth taking your life for. No one. When the going gets tough, the tough get going............it's an old expression, and you must get more tough. For your own good. Please continue trying, don't give up.

#12 Jan 4 - 8PM (Reply to #11)

bgirl

I'm doing it for my

I'm doing it for my kids...not for me at the moment...but my counsellor says..you keep getting up for your kids and then one day you will find something that makes you smile for yourself... I hope so. I know you are right. He is SO not worth it...i am pretty sure he is the straw that broke the camls back so to speak...but a very heavy piece of straw all the same. I will keep reaching out for help until I get stronger... Thank u xx

#13 Jan 4 - 6PM

coffeeaddict66

Fear

Ah yes, this is the biggest problem I have faced and continue to face through this whole ordeal. I was a very strong confident woman that never questioned or second guessed myself. Over the course of this 7 year relationship I had no clue what was going on, and was completely duped about just about everything. I was living in a completely parallel universe completely different from what I believed was reality. This will shake your ability to trust yourself and your judgement to the core. I, like you almost feel it would be safer just to be done, but, that is not the case so we must learn to trust ourselves again.

#14 Jan 4 - 6PM (Reply to #5)

bgirl

Coffeaddict66 (btw love ur

Coffeaddict66 (btw love ur name) i was blindsided too...thought I was being so careful, so mindful of everything...he blinsided me...the betrayal cut so deep, because every reservation I had he dismissed and kept declaring he was indeed committed to me. Then when he knew he has broken me he dumped me, lied, denied, bolted and is now giving me the silent treatment, you never existed dose of non closure. The trauma of realising that along with now discovering what/who he is with and what I have now given up/lost for him is pretty intense to say the least. I am trying to figure out who I am...have no clue ATM. Thank you for your post :)

#15 Jan 4 - 7PM (Reply to #6)

coffeeaddict66

Unimaginable

Part of the reason I have difficulty accepting this is that I could never in my wildest dreams imagine doing this to someone. Thats why, even when faced with the truth along the way, I would allow him to explain it all away or I would even make excuses for him because there is no possible way a civilized human being would do this to someone that loved them and committed every shred of their life to them....right???? So I believed and forgave and believed and forgave....what a gullable idiot. Thats what Im left with and the self image I have to overcome by working through this fear. I hope the next one isnt as kind as me and chops it off. Yep, that attitude is something Im left with too.

#16 Jan 4 - 7PM (Reply to #7)

bgirl

EXACTLY!! Who would

EXACTLY!! Who would contemplate doing something so ruthless....my psychologist says i am simply naive and too readily look for the good i people...i used to be full of bubbles...enthusiasm, wicked sense of humour... now it feels so fake...he def got what what he wanted.. i am just hoping it's not permanent. Hugs to you. I'd love to share over a real coffee with u (mine iced of course)...but i"ll have to settle for a virtual one :)

#17 Jan 4 - 6PM

Hunter

This all boils down to

This all boils down to self.. If you are comfortable in your own skin what are you afraid of? Others? Not everyone will like you or agree and vis versa.. Relationships.. Well.. same thing.. This goes back to a narc relationship, it happened because we settled, knowing what you want .. Knowing who you are and accepting nothing less is how to avoid this.. tiger lily wrote a great post today about boundaries.. Boundaries is the bottom line.. Strive for the best, you'll get the best.. Offending others..too bad.. They probably were no good any way.. Hunter

#18 Jan 4 - 6PM (Reply to #2)

bgirl

Thank u...I'll find that post

Thank u...I'll find that post and have a read... I simply have no clue who I am...i'm guessing it will take me quite a while unitl I can do the work to find this out. I'm still kind of messed up and confused by all of these feelings plus i would love to follow all the steps to the letter, but it's finding the time to do so. Maybe I'll have to make myself priority for a while or I may not make it through this if i don't? Thank you for your time and perspective :)

#19 Jan 5 - 8AM (Reply to #3)

spinning

bgirl, you're not as messed up as

you think. Truly. That you know you have to do something, make a big, sizemic change proves that you are very well in tune with your inner spirit. HE DIDN'T TAKE THAT FROM YOU! You should feel very good about that. bgirl, I know exactly how you feel. I was there. Truly. At about four months after the vanishing act D & D (after a six year so-called "relationship) I felt zombie-like and half-dead. Simply cooking a meal for myself was a huge accomplishment. I began to meditate daily to a CD that was given to me by a dear friend who is a spreader of light. It is called "Getting into the Vortex" by Abraham Hicks. There is a book and a meditation CD. I did the first meditation every single morning. Turned the lights off, sipped my coffee and listened. I cried through most of it for a few weeks, not feeling it. I stuck with it, though, and soon began to feel something. It was at about that time I also went back to a Buddhist study group I was involved in but quit during the Freak Boy adventure. That was scary as I felt so wrecked, but a few people remembered me and the new people greeted me warmly. It helped. Then I started going to yoga...then I was asked to lead a writing group...dreadful but I did it. Basically, pushing myself out of my "comfort zone" coupled with meditation and feeding my spirit really helped me turn a corner. From there, beautiful things started to happen. I'm just sharing this bgirl because it worked for me. It may not work for you or anyone else, but it is something to consider...getting in touch with your spirit, feeding it, knowing that it still shines within you may help you too. bgirl, this is a painful journey, but believe it or not, you are in the verge of a breakthrough. Keep striving. Hugs to you and good vibes for continued clarity and strength from, (not) spinning. AND STRIVING FOR THE DAY WHEN NO ONE WILL SPIN OVER THESE DISORDERED FREAKS OF NATURE

spinning

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