To women who've been NC for 3 months or more.

NC does not feel so great in the beginning. It's really hard. But I will say each day you can stick to it is all the better for clarity and perspective. It really is hard to see the situation clearly so involved, close and letting them 'work on us' with the smooth moves and words that all amount to control, control ,control. I had to break the habit of FB peeking, that is a way of breaking NC as well. I am finally over the hardest part of it, and feel 10 x's better. best to u!

I've been NC for 10 months, and tomorrow will be 11 months since the D&D. My life and health are ever so much better today. The stresses from living with xnh and his hideous P daughter were horrendous for me. When xnh D&D'd, I was in constant pain from an autoimmune problem. I'd had a chronic cough for about 10 years. I've never been a smoker, and the cough had started after I met xnh. Sometimes the cough was so continual and violent that I would fracture ribs. My blood pressure and cholesterol were through the roof. My osteoporosis started backsliding right before the D&D, and I lost some hard-earned bone density that I could not afford to lose. I was crying myself to sleep every night, and throwing up blood during the day from the coughing. I went for literally years, where I missed work at least several days every month. I was a complete mess, and heading rapidly towards a hospital (or a grave whichever came first). I was spiritually, emotionally and physically dying, IMO. Xnh being the "loving husband" that he was (not), was forever attacking me about my health. He was continually telling me how much I was holding him back and ruining his life because I could not do such very important things as...camping. God forbid that my health problems interfere with xnh having fun. rofl. He actually told me that he "wished I'd just die and get it over with", and that "maybe he'll just beat the sh*t out of me until I divorced him." What a pile...I mean pal! Throughout my entire relationship with xnh, his hideous P daughter was also constantly stirring up as much drama and chaos as xnh. The last year xnh and I were together, I'd thrown her out of the house after she'd spent time in jail, and had gotten thrown out of college for selling/using drugs. Xnh took my throwing her out as a challenge, and used it an an excuse to increase his abusive behavior toward me. I'd simply had enough, after years of her psycho behavior, and could take no more. Instead I got xnh abusing me more than he had previously because I wouldn't let his little princess back into my house (and it was my house - I'd owned it well before I'd met xnh). Since xnh cheated on me, D&D'd, and then left, I have had a steady stream of disasters happen to me (I've posted about this before on this site), but even with all of that, I am much happier today, and my health has improved so much that I find it unbelievable. My autoimmune problem has all but disappeared. My blood pressure is within the normal range (and I'm not on blood pressure medication). My cholesterol is still somewhat high, but with medication and diet, it is coming back towards normal range again. I've lost 15 pounds so far. My cough was finally diagnosed as GIRD, and post nasal drip from allergies. The cough is almost completely gone now. I'm on a different osteoporosis medication, and exercising again, so hopefully I'll be regaining bone density again. I haven't missed work for months since xnh left (well except for this past week - I fell at work and re-broke my same ankle that I broke last summer - call me a clod. lol). Overall, my life without the constant chaos, stress, and drama of xnh and his hideous P daughter is so much happier, and my health (both emotionally and physically) have improved so much that I consider it absolutely miraculous. I now wake up happy in the mornings, and go to sleep contented at night (not crying like when I was with xnh). Stick firmly with the NC. Your life will be so much better in the future without a narc in it, and you're so worth the effort. :) Hugs.

I was with Narc #1 for a very short period but up until recently in NC (claimed to be my friend...lol) and have had nothing to do with him for four months. Narc #2 I have been NC for 15 months How do I feel??? I feel soooo gooood!!! I smile, laugh and take everything in my stride. I have no one beating me, spitting at me and generally terrorising me or putting me down or gas~lightening me or taking me for granted and it's bloody fabulous. I still come on here to read and keep strong but not because I still love either of them but because narc #1 is pretty scary and I need the affirmation, but I am doing great and feel happy, relax and confident.

i'm over a year out. Went from missing work, losing about 15lbs, smoking like a chimney, crying, shaking, pale ghostly complexion, gut wrenching knots in my stomache, obsessive thoughts, self loathing/blame, feeling like I would die my heart hurt so bad...... and now.....loving my job again, healthy weight again, in the process of quitting smoking lol, pink cheeks, no anxiety, seldom think of HIM specifically but more the SITUATION I was in with him, self love and acceptance, and knowing that I will live a happier life without him and not missing one damn thing about him. This will be you too! Stick with it. And if you woulda said that to me last year, I woulda said "F" off and let me die in misery lol There is life and happiness out there beyond this horrible experience. There really, really is. Hang in there, lady!

I am 7 months NC. This is after a 25 year very abusive marriage. I am married to a very disturbed man. We are currently divorcing. I can honestly say that I never thought I would be able to get away and stay NC. I have never broken NC with him and we have a teenager together. I have never had the urge to contact him because when I would think about all of the pain that he caused me there is no way that I want to feel that way ever again. My life is so much better. I enjoy my freedom and I also enjoy my family and friends. Many of my oldest friends have reappeared in my life and i have so much support. Now everyone can tell me how they never liked him and how crazy they thought he was. I can see how crazy he is now that I am physically and mentally removed from him. I don't ever want to see him or talk to him. I love Nc and it has been my savior. (NC and prayer) I noticed that he is no longer the first thing on my mind in the morning and he is not the last thing on my mind before I go to bed. I have so much peace in my house and our son seems so at peace. He refuses to talk to his dad because he told me that he feel that his dad is using him and always trying to make him feel guilty. I knew that eventually his dad would show his true colors. Hang in there and try your best to stay NC. If you fail then just keep trying. I had an addiction to the psychopath and I had to detox from all of the drama and chaos. I am just patiently waiting for the divorce to go through and I will truly be free of him forever. I am not fully recovered and I am working on all of the trauma and abuse issues in therapy but in no way do i feel the way that I did when i first came on this board. i was a mess both physically and mentally. I feel so much stronger now and in control of my own life again. Peace and stay on the path to recovery.

Some days are still very very difficult, but my head is clear and I am slowly starting to get mentally healthy again. I have NO DESIRE or craving to call him, I find the things I miss about him are the very things I only wished he would have been, in otherwords I wished the illusion he gave me would have been REAL, that still is very painful, because lets face it, I will never love like that again, I will never feel the intense immediate attraction I had like that again with any man because for one it was NOT REAL, and secondly it was all an act and of course you have the mirroring that is involved too. It was a sick, pathological unhealthy relationship and in the course of the 5 years I was involved he managed to brainwash me into thinking this relationship was normal, it was about as abnormal as it comes. I feel great in the respect I am no longer devalued as a human being, betrayed to and raped psychologically as well as physically by this man. I feel rough and raw around the edges but OH MY GOD, its so much better to be NC go through the detox than to live one more minute the way I was living x0x0x0x