Without a soul

I don't even know where to start. STBXNPH came in for visitation. I stayed as far away from him as I possibly could. I had more distance than ever. He came to the house to be with kids, I left the house until he went back to his hotel. When he returned back to his state, he sent me either a text or email stating that he felt we were closer to reconciling than ever before. (WTF???) A few days later, my lawyer put the pressure on him to sign off on the custody papers. He finally did, but also sent me a letter stating that he was so sad to sign the papers, that he plans to move to my state and be a bigger part of the kids lives, and that he believes that him and I can work towards being back together. (once again, WTF?) He also went on to tell me how much he loves me, and once he sells the house, he can get rid of girlfriend and be with me and the kids. He just needs to be with her until he sells the house. In the letter, he states not to talk to my lawyer, my therapist, my family because they will all just say he is an ass, but I know him better. I know that he is a really great guy.

Of course I sent the sick letter to my therapist, lawyer, children's therapist, etc. So I go back to no contact while he is back in his state. He does not call the kids, except for once in three weeks. Any communication to the kids is from him to my cell phone in the form of a text. Both of my children get sick. Son has the flu, and daughter is hospitalized for two nights due to dehydration. He does not call to talk to them once. Again, any communication about kids is done through a text to me.

He comes this weekend for visitation. Son asks to sleep at hotel with his dad. The request is coming from my son. I call his therapist, we talk, she tells me to let son go with his dad. STBXNPH never asks for daughter to come with. The next day, he wants to take son to movies, but not daughter. The next day, he brings a toy for son, but not daughter.

It is the end of the visit, and I can no longer hold it in. I leave the house, go out to buy daughter a gift, and bring it home. I give it to her in a loving way, not pointing out the obvious. Later, STBXNPH wants to talk. He doesn't understand why I am keeping my distance.

He follows me down to the basement where I am doing laundry. He tries to state something about his gf, and why he needs her, and how his letter is true. How he has been supportive of me, etc. I don't empathize with his pain and his situation.

I can't believe how sick or cruel or evil another human being can be. He has the affair with a woman at work, he puts me through emotional hell while he flaunts his affair in my face, he drives his kids and I accross country so that he can have his gf move into our house the same weekend. I struggle to rebuild a life for the kids and myself. I rebuild a good life. Through the whole divorce he plays the "victim" role. I abandoned him. I took his kids away from him.

For eighteen months he plays the "I don't want to be divorced card. I never wanted the divorce. You want the divorce. Oh, you bad wife, cause you don't understand why I need to keep my girlfriend. I need to blame you for our divorce as well as tell you how much I love you and the kids and only want to reconcile. You are such a bad wife. Don't understand my poor situation."

He actually went on to tell me that he has been so supportive of me since the kids and I moved. He helped us to build the new life that we have made. His relationship with his gf has nothing to do with the kids and I and our divorce. His relationship to his affair partner and our divorce are mutually exclusive. (HELLO????) His relationship to me has nothing to do with her, and his relationship with her has nothing to do with our marriage.

I removed myself from my basement and asked him to leave. He finally left.

Tomorrow he meets with my lawyer to look over financials. I pray the divorce will be over soon. STBXNPH wants to keep up his sick controlling game beyond the divorce. He wants to have his gf and his family for as long as he likes. Who cares about the divorce, he can just hammer away at reconciliation. He uses the kids, his gf, myself, any one he wants.

The level of delusion, manipulation, lack of remorse, and victimization of himself is truly not comprehendible.

I just needed to get this off my chest, so that I can pull myself together for the next few weeks ahead. It is the final weeks of a long battle.

Manipulative, evil, mentally ill? He is all the above. Without a soul.