Withdrawal

when I was where you are at now, was to keep my focus on my goal: to detach, to be free, to be out of this horror. By horror I mean the emotional pain inflicted by this r/ship. I have been saying to myslef: "Yes, you will suffer for a while, it is unavoidable. But if you keep NC, if you stay away, you will be free one day." Then I use to close my eyes and started dreaming about the day when I will be FINALLY emotionally detached. I made it to be my dream. I basically changed the dream from being happy with him to being detached. And it did became my new dream. All I did later was done in order to make this dream come true. Face those difficult moments without fear and hate. It will be much better! Love Winter

You are experiencing the same withdrawal as anyone with an addiction. For example, drug abusers. When they stop using, they detox, go through withdrawal, experience the physical pain and the emotional pain, and want badly to get a fix, just to make the pain go away. They are just really tempted to use again, and have to use all their strength not to. And they need to reach out to their support group to help hold them up and get through the craving. You did the right thing by reaching out and posting instead of calling him. It's hard, I know, but staying NC will be well worth it in the end. It gets easier in time. Stay strong. Enjoy your daughters rehearsal. It's truly what its all about and will bring a smile to your face if you allow it. :)

Once the fantasy is gone, with gaining knowledge/comparing experiences/working the tools learned, then you are able to objectively view a N, see what they really are, and all love evaporates in an instant. The addiction/withdrawal ends and all you see is an evil monster and at the same time a sad, pitiful excuse for a human being - truly insignificant. 5 weeks NC and loving it. NC = sanity, peace, self respect and freedom.

I understand what it feels like to miss them. I was kicked to the curb 2 months ago I often ask myself why would I miss someone that was so cruel to me? ( I haven't heard from him in about a week just emails of terror calling me names saying i was the evil one, i deserve to parish in hell etc..and that was just the mild stuff. at that time he sent me a pic via email of his newest victim that was in a bikini and he made some really nasty comments about her compared to me..so hurtful so cruel....I blocked his emails. God good i ask sometimes what to hell is wrong with me? why do i still love this A-hole? this monster of a demon. he can't be human, he just can't be...Someone that twisted my mind, terrorized me night and day, that broke me , shattered my heart my dreams my life and just didn't care ..threw me to the trash like i was a piece of crap. (this isn't the first time this has happen)it happen a zillion times over these last 4 years. Yet I think of him everyday as well.I miss him and it takes all the stength and memories to not contact him and really this is the first time i haven't. In the past i would contact him begging for forgiveness saying i was sorry for things i didn't even no i was sorry for? This time it is differnt, i have had enough and i won't contact him as i no this is what he wants , he wants me to beg him to come back and i will never do that again because he will just do this to me over and over and over. he just doesn't love me plain and simple and that is a hard reality to swollow after giving my life to the man. I lost my home, the car of my dreams i worked so hard to get, lost a great job due to the mental torment and he depleted me of my life saving, everything gone just gone. He still has his home, his vehicles, his bank account he still has everything and i am left alone with nothing. to much time to think, i no this is for the best. he got my last dime and i was no long a use to him , he even said i had nothing left to offer him. whatever. i just take it one day at a time because really that is all one can do and just hope for a better tomorrow and pray that what i feel in my heart for him fades a little more each day.

I know it feels horrible at first. I needed to be reminded constantly and countless times why again I was staying away from him. Especially when that feeling comes, its easy to think "It couldnt have been that bad with him....not as bad as missing him." I had been keeping a journal quite some time before I left him. At a friend's suggestion, I wrote down all the things he said and did that were so hurtful and infuriating to me. Things I remebered from before, and things he was doing at the time. Then by the time I was trying to go NC, I had alot of things written down. Every time I missed him, I'de read those things. When that didn't help, Ide talk to my friend, and she was good at setting me straight again. Its so sad for a while, but keep it up and some day you'lle be so happy you did this! Keep up the good work, it will pay off!

I'm on day 43 or so of NC and the longest I was able to go during my first attempts was 6 days. I always know that the first 11 days are the hardest, I just breathe and try to get through it. You are an open wound, you are raw and hurt and it is going to feel like you are going out of your skin. But it DOES GET EASIER. And part of the process is feeling all your feelings. I know this sounds strange, but the fact that you were crying and feeling sad IS A GOOD THING. It means you are processing having them out of your life. They are leaving you and your system and it is so very hard...exactly like a drug. But so very worth it when you are on the other side. I promise you, this strict NC, it will lead you to a place of peace and serenity. I'm there but I still remember the crazy and hectic period of being in contact with him...I shudder when I think about it. STAY STRONG!

I was like that all week. It does feel like you are split down the middle and cut WIDE open. I know Its so hard but for the best. Most of the past month I feel as if I have survived the electric chair and I am simply fried!.. Hang in there. This blog helps a lot...keep reading... P

Contact = Pain Silence = FU! You got this! Stay strong!

They are a drug....and just like with drugs...withdrawls are part of the process...but the worst thing you could do is take another "hit" of them.... You will get through this... Turn your focus onto your daughter...she is innocent in all of this and is looking forward to having her mommy watch her with pride at this rehearsal...I know it's hard to be around people...it's hard for NC...it's hard to get out of bed sometimes in the morning....but you are doing it and you will continue to do it!! One day at a time...baby steps...JUST KEEP MOVING FORWARD!!!!!!!!!! xoxo

No Pain No Gain!! Be strong Hunter