Wisdom from the other side

I've been out over two years. Limited to basically no contact for 9 months. The only contact I have allowed with XNH has been through work and that's out of my control.

What I would like to share with newbies and all of you who are struggling is that it gets better the longer you maintain no contact, much better!!

I was DEVASTATED when I left XNH in May of 2011. While he was cruel, very cruel, at times, I missed the good times that we had together. I truly loved the man that I thought he was. But I couldn't take the emotional and physical abuse. So I left. Not as simple as that, I know, but I hit a breaking point and enough was enough.

It was a very tough road. I was delusional. I thought my leaving would open up his eyes and he would miraculously see that I was the one and change. Sigh.

I found this forum in my darkest days. I needed some solace and I desperately needed advice. What I found here was support, great support, with some very tough love intermingled. It was what I needed!!!

What I found to be most difficult was to let go of XNH. I heard the advice but I didn't want to believe that he was like this. I thought if I could just prove to him that I was "the one who got away" that he would suddenly become the man I loved again.

Guess what? It didn't happen. No surprise. But once again, I was devastated.

In November of 2012, my eyes became truly opened. That's when he tried to triangulate me with his current conquest. The knowledge I had from being on this forum gave me the strength to say, "hell, no, I'm not an option for you. I'm better than that."

I became determined to work through the pain and as a result, become a better person. In other words, I got off the Narc merry go round. Done, done, done!!!

As a result of my work, I am now a very happy, independent woman. I don't have a ton of friends, but those I have are very precious to me. XNH tries to hoover me through my work phone but now I'm indifferent. My thoughts are that he needs to do what he needs to do to be happy but I will never allow him to abuse me or my two daughters again!!

Will he ever be happy? Personally at this point in time, I don't care! What I focus on, and what I care about, is me and the people in my life that I love.

I realize now that he never deserved my time nor did he deserve my love.

WS