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WINNING for an N

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#1 Nov 30 - 6AM
BlueMoon
BlueMoon's picture

WINNING for an N

Years ago I had a therapist, when I was dealing with issues about my father, that said something I wished I had had a lightbulb moment about in my last relationship...

A Narcissist MUST win, EVEN if it is against their own interest to do so...

Isn't that interesting??

He/She will f**k themselves over just to be right/on top if it comes down to it.

Dec 13 - 2PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

I am watching this with a

I am watching this with a business partner. He wins in his mind but not in fact. He blew up our contracting business and I have started another. He did it by making the clients uncomfortable and no one recommended us. he thinks I am going to send him business with my new venture. I am an old hand at narcissists and I just play along. the website will be ready by January and I have two other contractors who will be doing the work. The reason he blew up the business was he didn't fell in 'control'. They can't get along with the give and take of doing business emotional or finanacial with other people. their obsession with manipulation and control comes first and they end up in a mess. My second business will do fine and his is already sliding into serious problems. He just lost his number one client and has no other regular ones. maybe that is why they blow themselves up they are exhausted from trying to control all the world around them and just fall apart.
Nov 30 - 9AM
mmacali (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I WIN!

That's what my ex-used to say all of the time with enthusiastic pride! He instantly made that statement a fun, inside, special catch-phrase - people loved it! However, one time he didn't win. And I heard him say something that truly showed me how sick and twisted he really was. After being arrested 10 - 15 times for DV in our old neighborhood, we moved. Then, one day (not too long ago) he called the police to have ME arrested. Much to his chagrin, HE was the one who ended up being arrested. I have posted this before, however, what I didn't mention, is that he ran downstairs yelling at 8:00am on a Saturday morning for "anyone to please help him, he was in danger and needed to call 911!". There are 10 units in our small apt complex (think Melrose Place), so naturally people (everyone, really)came out and, since they didn't know us much, they immediately empathized with poor, charming him. So, when I picked him up from jail 3 days later(the DA did not file charges, lucky loser), he was hesistant to get out of the car when we pulled in. In a rare moment he stated, "I am embarassed to see the neighbors." And I was quick to say, "It's called the Walk of Shame, I have to do it everytime you are arrested and I pull up with you in the car". I felt almost sorry for the loser! This is the same loser who was whole-heartedly determined to have me hauled off to jail for HIS signature crime 2 days ago! I should have said, "YOU LOST!" and looked the neighbors in the eye smiling and ridiculing. But, after 7 years, I knew better than to stoop to his level. I just didn't know how low that really was.
Nov 30 - 9AM
mmacali (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I WIN!

That's what my ex-used to say all of the time with enthusiastic pride! He instantly made that statement a fun, inside, special catch-phrase - people loved it! However, one time he didn't win. And I heard him say something that truly showed me how sick and twisted he really was. After being arrested 10 - 15 times for DV in our old neighborhood, we moved. Then, one day (not too long ago) he called the police to have ME arrested. Much to his chagrin, HE was the one who ended up being arrested. I have posted this before, however, what I didn't mention, is that he ran downstairs yelling at 8:00am on a Saturday morning for "anyone to please help him, he was in danger and needed to call 911!". There are 10 units in our small apt complex (think Melrose Place), so naturally people (everyone, really)came out and, since they didn't know us much, they immediately empathized with poor, charming him. So, when I picked him up from jail 3 days later(the DA did not file charges, lucky loser), he was hesistant to get out of the car when we pulled in. In a rare moment he stated, "I am embarassed to see the neighbors." And I was quick to say, "It's called the Walk of Shame, I have to do it everytime you are arrested and I pull up with you in the car". I felt almost sorry for the loser! This is the same loser who was whole-heartedly determined to have me hauled off to jail for HIS signature crime 2 days ago! I should have said, "YOU LOST!" and looked the neighbors in the eye smiling and ridiculing. But, after 7 years, I knew better than to stoop to his level. I just didn't know how low that really was.
Nov 30 - 9AM
mmacali (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I WIN!

That's what my ex-used to say all of the time with enthusiastic pride! He instantly made that statement a fun, inside, special catch-phrase - people loved it! However, one time he didn't win. And I heard him say something that truly showed me how sick and twisted he really was. After being arrested 10 - 15 times for DV in our old neighborhood, we moved. Then, one day (not too long ago) he called the police to have ME arrested. Much to his chagrin, HE was the one who ended up being arrested. I have posted this before, however, what I didn't mention, is that he ran downstairs yelling at 8:00am on a Saturday morning for "anyone to please help him, he was in danger and needed to call 911!". There are 10 units in our small apt complex (think Melrose Place), so naturally people (everyone, really)came out and, since they didn't know us much, they immediately empathized with poor, charming him. So, when I picked him up from jail 3 days later(the DA did not file charges, lucky loser), he was hesistant to get out of the car when we pulled in. In a rare moment he stated, "I am embarassed to see the neighbors." And I was quick to say, "It's called the Walk of Shame, I have to do it everytime you are arrested and I pull up with you in the car". I felt almost sorry for the loser! This is the same loser who was whole-heartedly determined to have me hauled off to jail for HIS signature crime 2 days ago! I should have said, "YOU LOST!" and looked the neighbors in the eye smiling and ridiculing. But, after 7 years, I knew better than to stoop to his level. I just didn't know how low that really was.
Nov 30 - 6AM
4joys4
4joys4's picture

This is so true.

This is so true. Unbelievable, isnt it?
Nov 30 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

winning

I agree! My ex actually said to me in one of his last e-mails to me, YOU WIN. Yes, that was my goal...WTF???
Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #18)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

After D&D's mine would

After D&D's mine would say...havent you figured that out by now you cant win? The winning was never mentioned to me during the relationship part...but he made reference to it when talking about other people. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Nov 30 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

precisely

They HAVE TO WIN... have to. its a SERIOUS PATHOLOGICAL need http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/02/winning-game.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Dec 1 - 4AM (Reply to #15)
Clover18
Clover18's picture

This is where the OW is rubbed in our faces too

Sometimes, the Narc uses the OW against us in this Need to Win offensive. I know that my exNH doesn't really want to be with OW and her kids but my refusal to take him back means he is with them because he thinks that still hurts me (and he doesn't care that it does still hurt our sons) and he thinks it makes me the loser. Which in his twisted head makes him the WINNER!! I am convinced that she is a Narc too so she also thinks she is the WINNER!!!. Yes, he is a winner - he won a lowlife, selfish, lying, cheating dogbreath. Yes, she is a winner - she won the great big booby prize! http://stoptherollercoaster.blogspot.com/ http://byebyejekyllandhyde.blogspot.com/ http://knittingattheguillotine.blogspot.com/ http://libertyfromlies.blogspot.com/

http://knittingattheguillotine.blogspot.com/
http://stoptherollercoaster.blogspot.com/
http://byebyejekyllandhyde.blogspot.com/
http://libertyfromlies.blogspot.com/

Dec 1 - 6AM (Reply to #16)
grossot
grossot's picture

clover18 - agreed

This may have been more contact than I should have made but there is an ongoing argument between he and I re: this Christmas custody. I'm trying to keep exchanges EXACTLY the same so as not to provide him a loophole. He's trying to con me into giving up my Christmas weekend with my daughter!!!! So he pulls out the GF card "I know you don't like it when gf spends time with dd but....yadayadayada" I said, "actually, I'm more comfortable with gf around for supervisory purposes!" He said, "well her kids won't be around so it gives her more bonding time with dd!" http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

Dec 1 - 6AM (Reply to #17)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Oh Puhleaze!!

Clover, What a load of crap! He justs wants to mess with you for Christmas. He knows this is another way to get at you, to hurt you. And he knows this is the best way to do it now, to pull out the holiday card. He doesn't want your daughter any more for Christmas than I do (I'm sure she's lovely, but you get the idea). And I will bet if the GF really doesn't have her kids, she sure doesn't want yours around. And too, what fun would that be for your daughter? She would just be alone and ignored while they "bond". Do not let her go! You stick to your guns on this one. Your daughter needs as much normalcy as possible during this time. As you know, her needs come first in this. This really pisses me off when I hear people trying to use kids as pawns in their evil plans.
Dec 1 - 4AM (Reply to #14)
Clover18
Clover18's picture

This is where the OW is rubbed in our faces too

Sometimes, the Narc uses the OW against us in this Need to Win offensive. I know that my exNH doesn't really want to be with OW and her kids but my refusal to take him back means he is with them because he thinks that still hurts me (and he doesn't care that it does still hurt our sons) and he thinks it makes me the loser. Which in his twisted head makes him the WINNER!! I am convinced that she is a Narc too so she also thinks she is the WINNER!!!. Yes, he is a winner - he won a lowlife, selfish, lying, cheating dogbreath. Yes, she is a winner - she won the great big booby prize! http://stoptherollercoaster.blogspot.com/ http://byebyejekyllandhyde.blogspot.com/ http://knittingattheguillotine.blogspot.com/ http://libertyfromlies.blogspot.com/

http://knittingattheguillotine.blogspot.com/
http://stoptherollercoaster.blogspot.com/
http://byebyejekyllandhyde.blogspot.com/
http://libertyfromlies.blogspot.com/

Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

Is that what i used to think was

Hi Is that what i used to think his pride and stubborness was? It is really narcness.
Nov 30 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

yes!

Is that what i used to think his pride and stubborness was YES! PATHOLOGICAL NEED TO WIN ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Dec 1 - 9AM (Reply to #13)
4joys4
4joys4's picture

They need to THINK theyve

They need to THINK theyve won. But they are such big losers. So pathetic. Biggest losers ever made. We are the winners because we can recover. They will never get better. They will never be happy. The last time I saw the N he said to me "OK. You win." Which really meant, "I WIN. I'm going to do something now that will destroy you". But did he win? NO! I am still here. I am recovering. I have a heart. Kiss my a*s Narc! LOL
Dec 1 - 7AM (Reply to #6)
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Winning the "Game" they play

This is SO true of Narcissists. OMG!!! It is actually a source of humor for me that my N BF has to 'win' ...doesn't matter if it is a discussion of who/what is 'best'...or who knows 'more'...or who is more intelligent, or who's job is 'more important'...he always has to have the upper hand in absolutely everything! If I laugh at him when he does this (plays the 'I WIN' game),...he gets angry/irritated and then gets more personal...which actually makes me laugh more...because THEN he starts to say things like..."You're just jealous of me because I am more 'special' than you,(which I find SO funny, as I NEVER heard anyone, esp. a grown man say something like this, AND he 'outs' himself as a flaming narcisisst by making such statements)...he will even say he is more 'cuter' and 'better looking' than me...more 'smart'...and eventually he will even flatly state "AND I am more sweeter than you too!" (which makes me go into fits of laughter. It is very funny to witness...as he is VERY serious and gets VERY offended that I find such statements and puffed up ego as hilarious. I especially find it funny when he likes to play the 'victim'...and will argue that not only is he a 'victim' of my 'not taking him seriously'...which is 'abusive to his feelings', but he is a 'bigger victim' because I laugh at him whenever he points out how 'special' he is and how much more 'superior' he is than most people...including me...I really laugh heartily, or at the least...console his 'poor baby feelings' and treat him like the 6 year old he is acting like when he says this ridiculous stuff! I truly find it SO funny...this need to 'win', although I recognize this need Narcissists have can also cause them to become deliberately damaging or even deadly/lethal. It is amazing how they will jocky into position on anything, any subject...whatever...to be 'the best'...to be seen as superior. They really have no clue how they give themselves away (as to their true N nature) by this behavior to WIN at all costs.
Dec 13 - 1AM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

just remembered something...

I just remembered something. A few days after I found out the truth about Psycho-Boy and subsequently told his wife what was up so she could protect herself & the children - he IM'd me: "O.K. You got me back You win!" At the time I remember thinking "WTF? 'I win' and I 'got him back'? He doesn't appreciate how serious this is or what he's done! How childish!" I was blown away by him saying that. Of course now that I know he's a sociopath I see that was only thing he could have said, considering he's an alien baby in a man-suit.
Dec 13 - 7AM (Reply to #12)
4joys4
4joys4's picture

Barbara

Thats enough proof that it was all a game to him. It's meant to be sarcastic and hurtful, but it is also them deciding to move on to easier targets. And it's one more stomp to your head while youre down as they are walking out the door.
Dec 13 - 3AM (Reply to #11)
mmacali (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Ha

How wonderful of him to let you know that you "won". Wasn't hard to say it, was it?
Dec 13 - 1AM (Reply to #8)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

ah, the memories...

Ugh, how assuming he was to think that was the ultimate goal. WTF is right! More proof of an overblown ego. It disgusts me that they think they're such a prize. Even though it probably had little effect on my ex to completely ignore him, my blissful fantasy is that I stepped on his ego...even just a bit.
Dec 13 - 7AM (Reply to #9)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

They know no bounds when it comes to winning

The pathological N knows NO BOUNDS when it comes to "winning". They live to "win" "Winning" is EVERYTHING TO THEM. When I exposed my exN, he sat out office table, hands together in a pyramid shape, scheming, plotting, of how he could turn everything around, and end up on top. All they care about is being number 1. Hence comes their SECRECY and DOUBLE LIVES they lead. Pulling one over on you, the boss, the neighbors, their family, proves to them in their mind that they are number 1 and superior. It is sick, sad, and disgusting and so glad to be free of him!!!! Thank God!!!! I had the DETERMINATION TO LEAVE!!!
Dec 13 - 1PM (Reply to #10)
JusticeSeeker (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Aint that the Truth!

My stupid Ex would always, ALWAYS have to win...I kid you not, he got a rush and an intense need to beat me when I won Tic Tac Toe once! So, we played rock, paper scissors...he beat me on the tie breaker and wouldn't play anymore...I was just goofing around and laughing because he was being his old self. He said "we are tied, now we can quit"! He didn't want the risk of me finally beating him, so he left it as a tie! Never would play a game with me after that! What is this 2nd grade????