will i trust again?

I am so sorry to say..no,you will never trust again..but,it's also a good thing..It's awesome to be so open and optimistic to true love...but,sometimes it takes something like this to make us really find it...those guys we thought were out soulmates?? Nope..no such thing,they were scummy narcs or just scummy,lol.....a real guy has flaws,we just have to learn to get past them...hey,i'm with you...all guys were total scumbags for a while,and my ex,well,hhhhhaaaattteeed him!...still do,but have a daughter with him,and i swear to God...once i got past what he did to me,i truly felt at peace..i know it sounds cliche,but i promise u...it's for real...the more i hated him,the more energy it sucked out of me...listen,i still hate him,always will,but i don't show it,i just know it...anyway,as for dating,i hated hearing it...but,you won't be ready for it for a reallllly looong time...i know..i hated hearing those words...but,i promise,once you get close to recovery,you'll totally understand, and dating wont even be in the top 3 of importantance...and this is coming from a boymagnet,never w/o a boyfriend girl..and life is so incredible and different....let yourself heal..you're gonna love the girl you find....:)

This week will be a year since I have actually seen the N. I not only wonder if I will ever trust again but will I ever love like that again? I don't think so.

The ex-Psych was in a unique position because he wasn't a boyfriend or spouse, but a teacher. His selfishness destroyed whatever remained of the teacher/student relationship. The final D&D was his endless lecturing to me about the teacher/student relationship, claiming that I had ruined it simply by "inappropriate behavior" and declaring my love. He put ALL the blame on me. To make matters worse, he sabotaged my teacher education program by falsely accusing me of "being dangerous to children" (needless to say, he's never done another personal reference-I had been in that program at least a month before he pulled that one) It's not that he violated a sexual or romantic relationship, because we didn't have that;it's not as if he were owing me alimony or child support. But it's that I was a student, he was a teacher... and he saw it simply as an act. He's still teaching. He got tenure 3 years after the D&D (better he have tenure than if he were pursuing me as "vengeance") After the final D&D, he admitted that he didn't respect students as people. I told him that was *HIS* problem. The rest of my professors in college were good people (even the flaky ones)... but he certainly took all my kindness&compassion for granted. He knew I cared about him... he didn't appreciate it. It's not that he didn't reciprocate my romantic love;it's that he took my unconditional love&tossed it in the trash. He sees his students as nothing more than playthings, and a great deal less mature than my year old nephew.

as far as the anger phase cropping up again and the self-blame for being so in a fog and PTSD'd that I put up with as much as I did. I'm so different now that the fog has lifted...but damn! I'm MAD. Nice didn't work for me at all, but I'd hate it if I let him steal that from me too. NO WAY! I'm still nice, but smarter. Hugs to you and I send the good vibes to all for healing and happiness. Sincerely (slowing down a bit from) spinning

Hopefully, I'm not being misunderstood. I'm not advocating "settling" at all nor am I looking to do that. A couple months ago, I heard Dr Drew talking about attraction to N's. Saying that if you have had an insane attraction to one in the past and you feel insanely attracted to a person again, it's likely that that person is an N. Whatever you may think of him, the theory makes sense to me. So, it's something I've pondered and will try to be aware of. My thoughts on this are in no way fully developed. It's a journey for sure. I don't think I'll really know what I think of it until I am in the dating world again. Truthfully, I don't know if that will happen any time soon. But it won't be because I don't trust. It might be just because I'm not interested enough in anyone who I am not insanely attracted to. Oooops - this reply should have been down below to jen & Happy. sorry.

You WILL be happy again, it just takes time...change the thoughts a little just to get through... I note you say I don't like men and I feel they're all scum and you know what, I'm right in that boat with you; however, I also know that it is part of the stage I'm in and that if rather then focus on MEN and how I feel about them AT ALL, if I just focus on me, my healing, my feelings, what I want, and make no room for the thoughts about men...I don't feel so down. In time as you get closer to YOU and the anger dissipates, light will fill those dark spaces that have got you on the Men are scum mode. I don't want to believe men are scum but yea, right now I do...but eventually, it will change and either I will come to prove they are all scum...and embrace indifference...or clean out my closet and prove myself wrong one day. Hugs!

You are still nice! I think you are adorable. He taught you strength and awareness! Some women would have put up with that for a lifetime, you took the Bull by the horns and tossed him in the trash where he belongs! Idealk

I agree with jen below. We will trust again. And I think you are probably selling yourself a bit short. I would imagine that there ARE people in your life that you do trust, proving that you have the capacity to do so. At least, when I get into that mindset, that's what I look at. I see that I have close friends that I trust and family that I trust. I have learned NOT to trust people that don't deserve it and that's the kicker. A LOT of the people I have known don't deserve it and I have slowly moved away from them. Yes, it has resulted in fewer people in my life, but the people that are there deserve their place. Does that make sense? Not all men are scum. I have a fabulous father, brother, and several good friends to prove it. But, I have never been captivated by those that aren't. I've always liked that man who is exciting and spontaneous, not the steady, predictable, perhaps boring, reliable type. Maybe because that's what I feel like I am. I don't know. It's very hard to "unlearn" your attractions, but I am trying. I, too feel like I've had the nicest part of me squashed and forever changed. I'm trying, though, to think that it's a good thing, that there is something essential to be learned from it, and that it will lead me to a good man down the road. And if it doesn't, I'm OK with that, too, because there's no way in Hell, I will go through all this crap again!!!!! I know I'm further down the road than you are and I remember feeling exactly as you are right now. It will get better. It will.

My last 3 ex' cheated on me and each time I swore I would never trust again and each time I trusted, I got burnt, so for me, NO, I will never trust another man as long as I live! I'm learning to trust me, cause I am the only one that matters! Sad, but true! And yes I view every man as scum now

Maybe it is just next step on our journey toward recovery. I feel exactly the same :(

but you WILL trust yourself again and your judgement. We all got the signs in the beginning, sometimes it was just a weird feeling, sometimes they told us who they are and we didnt believe them, sometimes we had dreams about them that warned us /in my case before I even met him. I am not sure if I can trust again anyone, but I know I can trust my feeling, my intuition, its this guidance that you have to trust and listen to. It will never fail to lead you in the right direction. AND WE ALL IGNORED THIS INNER VOICE IN THE BEGINNING! WE ALL DID IT! THINK BACK! REMEMBER AGAIN, you did get the signs.