Will He or Won't He?

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#1 May 5 - 11AM

SoaperGirl

Will He or Won't He?

My narc, the last I had of it was planning to move in with a new woman living about 250 miles away from him. He bragged she had money, she has an expensive home3, successful business... looks like a great set up for a narc.

He fast forwarded her predictably (she is an attractive looking woman so, I'm thinking trophy woman), put his house on the market last month to sell (overpriced compared to value). I know he had started packing up his things at the time the house was put on the market. They are two months into their "relationship".

While I know he's a definite narc, and not capable of loving anyone, she represents to him a step up over me, with a very modest house and few monetary resources. As he bragged, it's all about what she can do for him!

Is he using her? Oh yeah! Without a doubt. I think he's still living in his old home until it sells, with plans to move with her then.

Yes, I suppose it is fair to say I still have a few residual feelings for the pretend/fantasy man I thought he was. I am realistic enough to know that actual guy that he is has nothing I want or need. Normal healthy me, wants a real man able to be in an normal, intimate, loving relationship. And that is what I'm going to hold out for. No question about that.

One thing BTW, I'm especially loving is that this "man" is not dominating my thoughts like he used to. I wake up in the morning, and I immediately start planning my day, what I'll do, what I'll eat etc. thoughts of him come last, and I do feel largely unemotional about him. He's more of an after thought now after my mind has ticked off all the aspects involved int he day to day business of living. I'm very happy about that.

Still though, its hard not to be at least a little curious.

My question is, once his house sells if it stays on the market long enough, say six months or so, do you think the the future with this woman will take place or will the narc in him just be a future fake?

Your thoughts?

#2 May 5 - 4PM

ifinallygotit

Turned icy

Just 6 weeks after he moved away for a job (after a 10 yr love) he turned stone cold and was delaying my visit to come see him. He said his son was staying with him and he would be gone in a month when he left for college. He never called me again...ever. Never broke up with me, never said good bye. Just sent texts for the next three months and then posted a pic of him on FB with my replacement - a hooker looking lady! Not rich! I guess flash is more important to his image than substance...he is an ex-celeb who went from being broke to a crappy desk job so I guess he thinks he is big stuff again... I never supported him (he is way too proud) but I am a successful professional. When we met 12 and half years ago I had very little to my name. Maybe he was more comfortable being the powerful one... when he moved he was in bad shape...

#3 May 5 - 11AM

michele115 (not verified)

If he's a narc like mine....

His house won't sell...they have a habit of overpricing houses from what I've seen because they think anything connected to them is just sooooo precious... He's putting on the "moves" but I've yet to see anything they do actually materialize - I guess that's just the cynic in me. I wish I could answer your question better Soaper Girl...you know at the end of the day...you gotta have a "who cares" attitude...really they create their own demise... It's a shame that yet another woman will be a victim, but it's not our little red wagon anymore is it? The heck with it!! Hugs!

#4 May 6 - 12PM (Reply to #17)

SoaperGirl

He's putting on the "moves" but I've yet to see anything they do

I was wondering if you'd kindly explain "What putting on the moves" means. I'm still learning a lot, and I'm not sure what putting on the moves means. How do you know if its fake or real? I am inclined to think fake because he puts on such grand shows when he gets a new "love". Its magical and fairy-tale dream come true and all that stuff. Thanks!

#5 May 5 - 12PM (Reply to #13)

SoaperGirl

It's a shame that yet another woman will be a victim

You're absolutely right that at the end of the day, a "who cares" attitude is in order. I guess what bothers me most is seeing another sweet, innocent trusting woman get badly hurt. (Too early to trust any man at 3 weeks because you just don't know each other well enough) to commit which I'm sure is the point of fast-forwarding someone so they don't see all the red flags waving in their face. Or else they'd know to Run Forrest Run! Technically, you are quite correct. It's not my problem, and she is a grown woman who should know better. I suspect she is a lot like myself. Probably hadn't been on the dating scene long. These guys are experts at ferreting out our deepest wishes, longings and needs. We make easy prey for them. They know how to play and push our buttons, and we trust them! But I bet you that in the future, I will be watching for red flags, and my family that tried to warn me will be front and center to inspect any else I am tempted to give my heart to in the future - so I will consult and respect their opinions because I know they really do love me!

#6 May 5 - 12PM (Reply to #14)

michele115 (not verified)

Soaper Girl

It is a sad state to be in...right about now, EVERYONE is a narc from my point of view...GEEZ...LOL I was just thinking today..."Dammit! There are good men, the problem is they're taken..." Although perhaps not the reality. The narc I was with moved a woman in a month and a half post break up...talk about DESPERATE...but in reality it is a very clear message just how pathetic, needy and empty he is...a true Gumby...plastic man if you ask me. It's his perogative...I'm glad it's in my past. Very much healing, but imagine the LIFE wasted had I still been STUCK. Hugs!

#7 May 5 - 12PM (Reply to #15)

SoaperGirl

Narc quickly rebounding with new woman

Yes, I realized at some point, my narc (didn't know he was one until later on), would likely meet another woman...but he claimed they met in a coffee shop (neutral territory) about 10 days after we were over. I' d bet my last dollar he'd been grooming her as my replacement that last month before we broke up. That's when he turned cold, icy and combative with me, taking offense at everything I said no matter how much I tried to appease him. I think you are right that it just goes to show how pathetic, needy and desperate they can be. For a normal person, that would be much too soon.

#8 May 5 - 4PM (Reply to #16)

natty

Mine was grooming a new girl too

Yep,he'd apparently been dating for over 2 1/2 months (according to the OW). I had always known there were "playmates", but when "dating" came to the forefront I was blown away. He and I were still living together but we were very distant. I think he was grooming her so he could move in with her either because he sensed I was growing weary or he was and wanted to secure a new place to live before I dumped him or he dump me. I beat him to the punch, the OW didn't know he was still living with me, until I told her. She's a lot smarter than me, I'm sure she gave him the heave-ho, he came back after 2 1/2 weeks(I have no idea where he was staying, I'm pretty sure not with her!) He was back for 2 1/2 weeks but things were weird, so he took off for his home country! That was Feb. 17th, last contact April 16th where I once and for all ended it. I'm sure he's been hustling someone here so when he gets back next Thursday he'll have a place to live.

#9 May 5 - 11AM (Reply to #12)

findingmeagain

You're absolutely right mines

You're absolutely right mines can't do shyt to save his life. Its because of his "ego" . He fabricates alot too . He claims to have went to school for air conditioning but when my aunt's AC broke and I asked him to look at it he got nervous and said he had forgetten everything he knows. He is a security guard by the way that use to tease me all the time about how he went to college . Funny when I ask him to do something thats his trade he panics .*sigh* Yeah because its another of the collection of lies ...Now telling OW the same lies found emails from the poor sap trying to help him get a job in AC lol smh poor thing . She'll learn soon enough.

#10 May 5 - 11AM

findingmeagain

Hmmm two months and she is

Hmmm two months and she is ready to move "ted bundy" in . wow what a dumb chick. three businesses and she isn't very bright. well i think he is gonna have that mask on extra tight until he gets what he wants. But once he moves in its curtains he is gonna get bored and let it slip off and thats it.

#11 May 5 - 12PM (Reply to #6)

SoaperGirl

Hmmm two months and she is

Just wanted to mention she has one successful business. Not 3 (it was a typo!). I did think she overpaid for the house though (nearly double over previous sale), and the business she has looks to have been bought from another woman (all located in in her expensive home). Still very appealing I'm sure to a narc. Begs the question though, where did she get all that money? Alimony perhaps or business loans? Just idle curiosity on my part.

#12 May 5 - 4PM (Reply to #7)

findingmeagain

Hey soapergirl I wouldn't

Hey soapergirl I wouldn't worry about that because once he bleeds her dry (if she lets him anyways) its going to be more hilarious. If she is truly a businesswoman then she should have some common sense and will eventually get tired of footing everything or be discarded.

#13 May 5 - 4PM (Reply to #8)

SoaperGirl

You'd think that would be the case

Well, I'd have to say there's a lot of missing pieces in the puzzle. I could probably track much of it down if I were determined enough. At this point, to do would make me feel pretty pathetic, almost like a stalker, so any inclination I might have to investigate further is at an end for the time being at least. My feeling is that not only did this woman get fast-forwarded big time but future faked as well. I think when they get to the six month mark, and he's still stuck in his old home - that's where he's likely to stay. That would be sometime in September I think. That will tell the tale. If he moves prior to September (and I remember he was pretty determined to get his asking price for the house , [as well as not wanting people to move into his home] - which I don't think will happen!), then I can see him moving, quickly becoming bored, and tearing down this woman's way of life, her health, self-esteem, and moving on to the next woman. At some point, that relationship is certain to breakdown. Not if, but when! Regardless, I would hope that by that time, I will be long moved on, establishing a new way of life with a new job, maybe even a new relationship with a normal guy, and being so happy and content, I will find the whole subject of him boring and inconsequential. Sure, there is a part of me that would like him to change, come after me and be everything I originally thought he was, but as we all know, that's just a pipe dream and not reality. I'm not going to hold my breath waiting. I'm hoping for better, and I think I deserve it!

#14 May 5 - 4PM (Reply to #9)

findingmeagain

soapergirl even if he doesn't

soapergirl even if he doesn't move he is going to probably get bored. mines moved in his own place in feb. and has tried to come back twice the first time i think it was a money thing. the second time i'm not really sure why. if these clowns don't get what they want quickly they move on.

#15 May 5 - 7PM (Reply to #10)

SoaperGirl

That's True, Narcs Bore Easily esp with sick targets

that's what I'm thinking knowing narcs want instant gratification. Didn't happen in my case. I was going to move into his home as soon as I turned old enough to take early retirement. But as the time got closer, rather I was suddenly diagnosed with breast cancer. About the time I was supposed to be packing and getting ready to move, I was suddenly undergoing biopsies and a mastectomy, followed by weeks of surgical recovery, followed by breast reconstruction, which even now I have to wait another six weeks for the final reconstruction procedure to give me an aerola. All told, my cancer journey is taking 10 months and 24 days from beginning to end. Throw in 2,000 miles of distance, and he couldn't get his hands on me hardly. I seemed to have remained just out of his reach. A good thing in retrospect, but still a bit painful for me. But I am healthy now, strong and well. But as you know, narcs don't like dealing with illness in targets. Throw in being kind of poor, and I turned out not to be such an easy mark after all. He waited for me for 1 year and 4 months, and I still couldn't come to him. So, he got tired of waiting and bored with me via vidcam. So, now he's got a woman with prospects and monetary assets who can provide generously for him, and I couldn't. Problem for him now is, he's got an old house with two heavy mortgages on it that's financially breaking him. (I like that!). hahaha. I'm guessing when his house doesn't sell (already been on the market a month) because it's overpriced, and he doesn't want to rent it out or have strangers live in it, that may be the end of things with the new woman if he can't move in with her right a way. hahaha. I love it! (Guess I got a little bit of devil me as well.) What the hey, he deserves some bad things to happen to him and the new woman may be saved as well from the heartbreak of this loser who can't love anyone.

#16 May 5 - 12PM (Reply to #2)

SoaperGirl

First 3 weeks he fast-forwarded (isolated) her in his home

No actually, she fully committed to him within the first 3 weeks, and "invited" him to move in her permanently (he bragged). People tried to tell them to slow down their bullet-train courtship - obviously fast forwarded, and apparently spent nearly every minute with her. When he posted her picture on his website- thinking back now she looked like she was on drugs or something - glassy eyed like the lights were on but nobody was home! I recognized the look - deeply in love with him and totally besotted over her new "Prince Charming". hahaha! (me laughing!) Yes, he is easily bored like a typical narc and they love drama, and hate stability. Since the narc's mask starts to slip, and the relationship often starts to breakdown by six months, I'll be fascinated to see how it all plays out. (just for the fun of it - I did try to warn her, but you know that goes!). We all do.

#17 May 5 - 12PM (Reply to #3)

findingmeagain

Oh okay i see yeah well he is

Oh okay i see yeah well he is going to do a number on her she won't forget ...yeah well the OW in my narc's life knew about me or knew the lies he told about me anyways. And she is too busy thinking of how she is so much better than me to realize the narc is part of the reason I didn't get to do the things I wanted in life. But thats okay because he is gone and can start now . The thing about her is she complains about her husband being unemotional smh I keep thinking about jack nickelson in batman "wait till she gets a load of him" lol.Her husband can't be that bad they've got a decent home, cars , and jobs. He was supportive obviously and provided for them but it wasn't exciting enough for her dumb, selfish behind. Well if she wants excitement she got it because the N is gonna take her for a ride she won't forget. I've got no remorse for her because she was his partner in crime at making me feel like shyt while they were out running around . so she will get what she deserves in my situation.

#18 May 5 - 1PM (Reply to #4)

SoaperGirl

I don't think she's going to get off scott-free either

Ouch! Sounds like your narc hooked up with a shark. Okay. Maybe some poetic justice there? Life is bad enough without women intentionally trying to stab each other in the back like that. I don't think your narc's OW going to get off Scott-free either. I'm now taking the tact of being a spectator. I'm in the audience watching how this show is going to play out. and I'm going to laugh my ass off seeing these people set up their own demise.

#19 May 5 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

findingmeagain

yeah that female dog played a

yeah that female dog played a big part in alot of arguements behind the scenes filling crap in his head. I should've known but this was my first time catching my narc red handed with his hands in the cookie jar. I trusted this jerk. he would make some very stupid insults that usually a woman would say like talking about things like why don't you get out and better yourself (but when i ask for his support and was he gonna watch the children so i could go back to school i'm on my own). he was spending some money too (not alot) on her like going to lunch, i think she paid for the hotels (yuck), and gas i remember him always complaining about not having any gas money. now back in the days when we were cool i would've LOANED him some money but the way he was acting he was on his own. i remember one time loaning him some money and when he gave it back he said why i have to always owe you mind you he made it like this first. that should've been a red flag then now i know she was giving him money out HER HUSBAND'S ACCOUNT! now the husband is supposely leaving her and now i wonder how she is going to pay for boytoy stupid heffa. oh did i mention she has 3 kids and gets the 15 yr. old to watch them while she is out whoring? smh oh i did the whole we're woman thing with her too and how we've got to stick together. she looked at me like i was a freakshow attraction. like she just doesn't understand or get not being a whore and liar. so i was done at that point.

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