will he get to keep it forever?

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#1 Apr 7 - 2PM
Healingnow
Healingnow's picture

will he get to keep it forever?

Hi,

I am wondering what happens after they have stolen all your good traits and personality and soul.

There we are left feeling invisible and wondering where our soul has gone. How do we get it back from him then?

He walks around now with my personality, can he keep it? Does it fade off of him?

Do I have to 'grow' a new one?

After all in the begining he was the empty shell now I am...........now that wasn't any basis for a relationship was it!

When I saw him the other week he looked fine and I feel a wreck is that cos he has all my characteristics now?

I hate to think that he stole from me and I may never get it back.

Apr 8 - 6PM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

soul sucker.....

with the psychonarc, it's more like he ripped my soul from me, chewed it up and spit it out....i don't think he has retained any aspects of me that he is currently using to entertain his drunken doping psychotic felonious boyfriend....i think he has finally reached a point where pretense and a mask of sanity is no longer necessary...must be quite the relief to him........
Apr 8 - 2PM
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

My exN

When the narc's ex gf befriended me, she told me that he told her he didn't want her around our kids cos she cussed too much & that he & i didn't cuss...he was worse than a sailor! He also told her we were at church as soon as the doors were opened....What a freakin liar! I went to church but he never went! They pick & choose what part of "you" or your personality they want to mock. I'm sure he picked up some traits from her that he is using on his new gf. The new "Perfect Woman". The one that has changed him & he's no longer the same man...
Apr 8 - 5PM (Reply to #12)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

same here

yup - Psycho Boy would email or phone and tell me how much he NEEDED ME and NEEDED my friendship & love... blah blah blah. Then I found out not 5 mins later he would be on the phone or email to one of his other girlfriends saying he was "tolerating" me and "trying to let [me] down easy" because I was fixated and obsessed with him. you can't listen to a word they say - especially about exes. even IF you know the ex was acting obsessively - ask yourself - WHAT DID THE N DO TO "SET OFF" that BEHAVIOR in HER?!?!?! Things don't happen in a vacuum. ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
Apr 8 - 7PM (Reply to #13)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Wow Barbara

You are so right. You can't trust anything about what they say on exes. It depends on the audience and what they need to say. To me he said "Thank you soooo much for my bday lunch. I really appreciate it and I really mean that. (said with apparent genuiness and sincerity. Let's work on what our bonus structure is". That same day to his other married emotional lover "because she sprang this "I want to marry" you at my bday lunch today - totally unexpected (lie, lie), I will be transitioning myself out of here as soon as possible to retain her dignity" (can you just puke over the fake virtue here!!!!! OMG! That email was sent 7 months ago and he is still here. And today he even called me to see if I needed him to put $ in the company!) OMG!!!!! And then the very next day when he found out he was canned by the Owner, this is what he said to me... "X, let's try to work this out. I will make the changes you have asked for. You know how hellish it will be if I am not employed. It will be a nightmare" Hmmmmmm.....what happened to all that virtue he told the OW???? He didn't seem to be really wanting to transition himself out of here asap! Huh? But, since the OW is very virtuous, he says these fake kinds of things to win her over. puke. And so true on the obsessiveness. When I was in couple Christian counseling when all of this hit the fan. I basically told the Counselor. "I think this is all me. I don't know whether he loves me or not..." The counselor's response. "You aren't acting in a vacuum. Whatever you are feeling is because he is wanting you to feel it or supporting you in feeling it. You can't love someone for this long if they are not doing something to make sure you love them." However, his conclusion is that my N did love me and did want a relationship with me. And that if I loved him, and my marriage was an emotional vacuum, then I should move on and be with N. But I have learned alot since then.
Apr 7 - 3PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

healingnow

I feel like they take certain things from us, stories, antidotes, experiences, and make them their own...but more like a parrot just repeating "Polly wants a cracker" to get a cracker. They don't care about anything but the fact that they know the cracker is yummy, so they say it, and they get what they want. In N terms, they get desired reactions from people, with fake emotions, and lines that 'work'. Say, if you're into yoga and know the terminology, he may meet a woman who takes yoga classes. To impress her, he may use the terms, speak enthusiastically about it, and say he's done 'some', not from experience but by what you TOLD him. NOT that he has a passion for it, but to use it as a lure. It's not that they take what's good and deep about our soul, feelings, genuine personality. That would imply that because of us, they suddenly are able to feel, empathize, etc. I can't speak for others, but I feel my ex did not get the 'core' of who I am. As far as rebuilding?? I think yes, somewhat, but that's individual circumstance. Some people say they will go on and love and trust again...I'm not so sure I will be able to. It's sad, but better than hooking up with another predator.
Apr 7 - 5PM (Reply to #10)
Healingnow
Healingnow's picture

leaps and bounds

Thankyou so much Quietude, You have just brought me on leaps and bounds in my healing. I will always remember and say often that Polly wants a cracker, that has really tickled me. 'I feel like they take certain things from us, stories, antidotes, experiences, and make them their own...but more like a parrot just repeating "Polly wants a cracker" to get a cracker'.
Apr 7 - 2PM
woundedsoul36
woundedsoul36's picture

IDK

I've often wondered the same thing...I think he will use it to hook a new woman (NS supplier) then he'll start leeching her traits. I think they go by trial and error of what works best to seduce new victims...so it's like an ever transformation process.
Apr 7 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
Healingnow
Healingnow's picture

woundedsoul36

Hi there, Yes it was your comment I took this question from. I thought rather than reply I would make it a proper question cos it is so important and I realised it is really bothering me about who I am or will be. So thanks for helping to realise what it was that I wanted to know next.
Apr 7 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

soul

you will grow a new one they are incapable - which is why they steal and ravage the souls of others ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
Apr 7 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Healingnow
Healingnow's picture

but

But if they only want a soul then why don't they just take the good bits, why find the things that hurt you the most........you know they get information out of you and then use it to hurt you. Why why why that isn't just polly wanting a cracker.........surely thats polly being a crackhead lol
Apr 7 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

healingnow

That's applying normal logic to abnormal beings. N's have so many negative traits, including being very contemptuous, critical, entitled...and hurting us makes them feel superior to us, which feeds their grandiosity. Getting information to use against us helps them to maintain control. I don't think there's such thing as a 'nice' soul-sucker?? Healthy relationships may 'take' from each other, but in a good way, for growth, closeness, etc. That has nothing to do with why an N takes.
Apr 7 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
Healingnow
Healingnow's picture

thinking

Hi, Well thats got me befuddled now. I suppose i was thinking, well if you are going to take my character traits and soul then try to take it............why hang around and hurt me for fun aswell........maybe thats what I meant cos it's not necessary to do that. I suppose it's like saying to the kidnapper just take what you want and don't hurt me. As you say that would mean applying normal thinking to them. They don't care at all so they will take whatever they want to and enjoy watching your pain. No polly you can't have the fu@@ing cracker, go get your own. Sorry i just think that is hilarious....its an insult to poor polly though.
Apr 7 - 6PM (Reply to #6)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

befuddled

I like that word! Well, we just are not capable of really understanding them, not even experts can. As a matter of fact, dwelling in their heads is dangerous territory. I've asked myself why, why, why a thousand times. I've learned to accept my ex was just an N freakazoid! Why did he go to such trouble and expense to be with me, and then drop me like yesterday's news three times over without warning?? Why does a psychopath murder people over and over, and doesn't care? That's a much more extreme example of course, but you can no more try to figure out why they do this anymore than you can try to figure out why N's do what they do. But you can recognize common patterns in them, and how that relates to the way we were treated. It's important to grasp that their brain is literally different from ours. That's why people say they are NOT human. They lack the very traits that make us truly human and humane for that matter. They are emotionally little children who never developed beyond the gimme - gimme point..they have no identity so steal it from others. They are empty inside so must soak up supply like a vampire needs blood to live. You're so right, they do not care. Ya, no more crackers for polly, mines off getting crackers somewhere else, thank goodness...lol.
Apr 7 - 7PM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

excellent

That's applying normal logic to abnormal beings excellent quietude and right on... even the experts can't explain them - so stop http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/09/03/hurting-you-isnt-something-narcissists-do-accident ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals