Why? Why me?

I am posting today because I think I just got the worst news yet although predictable. As you know from my previous blog, the xN and I were together for my birthday this passed Thursday. Many of you are going to see a different side of me as I continue to write because I am so pissed off yet so distraught, hurt, degraded, a basic piece of sh*t. As I was enjoying a nice relaxing day at the pool with two of my best friends, one of which is my xN mother. They are not close as a son or a mother would be, this steams from many years ago. She totally wants me to just walk away from her son, understands everything he is doing to me and supports me in all the ways a friend should as well as his Aunt and Grandfather. However, today she told me that he is indeed flying out to California. California is steming from our break-up. He went to Texas for a stupid medical convention, thus meeting a girl, which persued my gut feeling and in turn I confronted him about respect. Mind you this was all when I was putting my grandfather to rest. He walked away, yet again, left me with NOTHING. No answers but my insecurites. Totally felt like it was my fault. Fu*k him. Now, he is going to be in California for an entire week with this random girl whom is going to school to be a physician (makes me feel pretty low even though I am a registered nurse with my bachelor's on the way). He is such a fuc*king liar. I had no idea he was even going but I knew, just knew this would happen. He is predictable. Even when he disclosed little information about her. He put his Facebook profile pic of him and her and I reacted with the "having respect for me" type thing. OH..but I OVERREACTED!? Really? My gut is in the pit of my stomach just picturing them having sex, talking relationship gossip like we used..for petes sake, I was with this nightmare Thursday night. I hate him. I hate every piece of him. I wish he was my pillow right now so I could beat it up against the side of my wall. I can't believe he is doing this to me..I just can't believe I am going through this AGAIN! I feel like such an idiot, I have for awhile. He has made me into this fool, a fool for petty love. How can I ever get through this week knowing he is out there?!?!?!?! I begin my new job this week, a huge position I have been looking forward to but with this on my shoulders, I don't even know if I can do it. Why does this happen to me? I promise I am such a good person, I try to please everyone to put a smile on their but I lay here with pure misery. I can't even believed I loved him. I only wanted to show him what love was allll about and I STILL get the nonforgetful basterd in my life. I don't even know what to do..I am so hurt, such at a loss. I want to curl up and just sleep this all away. Please help me with any possible advice. I promise, I promise I will make a strive forward..I just need a boost. I can do the NC thing, I just know I can. I just need to know how to get through this week when he is gone with her..especially after all I have done for him. What pain he has caused...I can't even put it into words anymore.