why so lonely?

I have been NC for almost 5 months and when it first happend(I kicked him back to his home state) it was crippling for me to come home to my empty house and have no one to talk to,or sit outside with or walk the dog with. I started walking my dog every day I could. It was so hard to do that for a long time. I wouldn't walk where "we" walked. It broke my heart. I now look forward to that. And I now say F*U I walk my dog everywhere we walked! Even harder were the weekends. Knowing he was back home partying and hanging out with our friends doing something every weekend with someone and I was alone with no one to do anything with. It devastated me! We had talked of doing so many things in the summer. I didn't know what to do with all that empty time. I felt soo alone. And then I got in contact with old friends, my Goddaughter found me on FC and I got to see her after 15 yrs. And now if I want to work in my yard or watch movies or take baths I am finding peace knowing I can do that without worrying about whether he's bored or not liking what we're doing. i still have days that I feel soo alone and I am so lonely and that life is passing me by. i love being with people and socializing. This is the first place I've ever lived that I don't have that. But I remember what I read in a book that helps me find a little peace... I am right where I am supposed to be in life. For something better will come.

I know exactly how u feel, I still miss him next to me while I drive..we used to go everywhere together and I still miss sleeping w/him and coming home to him. It will get better, look at the things u r greatful for about him not being there,like getting the bed all to urself, or cooking and eating whatever u want or just not having to put up w anyones bullshit. When u have nothing to do..do nothng ..indulge in a relaxing movie day in bed in pijamas all day, I love to do that! I pretend I am away somewhere, I turn off my phone and watch movies allday in bed and if a thought of him come to mind, I remind myself nope, today is all bout me and relaxing u r not invited to this party..and it works! U dont have to be busy or have plans all the time. The lonliness will pass but u have to learn to have fun by urself and enjoy ur own company..if u cant enjoy ur own company y would anyone else? xoxoxo we r here for u!!!

Yes, I know this feeling though I do not have it all the time,because I have a most loving and caring person in my life (living in a platonic marriage). So it must be much worse for you. Like you I cherish my time alone. Let's not forget that whatever that relationship we had has been like, there were times when even a narcissistic person gave us something and enriched our life. While sadly we could not have that without the turmoil and stress, we miss the good parts. When I go out for a walk, I miss his hand that always held mine. Just thinking I shall never have this again (no matter how glad one is to not have the rest anymore), creates those lonely and sad feelings. No point in analyzing it though. It feels as if someone has died, but time will help and heal.

I think most of us do. When you are taken advantage of for so long. What you are suffering from is post traumatic stress disorder and that effects you especially when you are alone. Even if you don't have plans with friends, make a list of all the things you want to/need to do and then just keep yourself occupied. It will help you from getting more depressed. There are a lot of people on this site that are either going through or have gone through what you are experiencing. Keep coming back here, there is always someone to run your thoughts by. J

I would say maybe he made you somewhat dependent on him, or dependent on the drama, or maybe it's just a residual effect of the abuse? Is this the first narc you've ever been with?