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Why so baffled?

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#1 Nov 29 - 3PM
lesd
lesd's picture

Why so baffled?

One thing I am a little confused about is why narcissists seemed to get baffled when they profess to be of genius level IQ. I know they tend to exagerate their intelligence, but they are definitely not dumb.

What I don't get is how they can devalue, degrade, belittle and mentally torture for days and then when you finally attack back, they seem baffled as to what they did wrong or why we are upset. My N's famous line after I explain his behavior is, "Was that wrong?"......Are you kidding me???!!

So which is it? Are they really clueless that their behavior is so damaging or are they playing dumb to avoid responsibility? Or both? My head is spinning.....

Nov 29 - 4PM
Clover18
Clover18's picture

I have recently not had

I have recently not had enough energy to post on this board but have been around to read it as much as I could. Last week after returning our younger son, the robot I was married to went to walk back to his car then turned to me and said, "I don't know why you have such a low opinion of me." After all the unspeakable horror he put me through, he doesn't know why I have such a low opinion of him... Actually, I no longer feel astonished at some of the jaw-dropping remarks that he comes out with (NC not possible as we have two sons under 16). Once upon a time I would have protested or attempted to explain it to him, but I learned the hard way, how futile this is. How whatever I respond with would only get twisted around and turned back onto me. So now I just smile sadly as I close the door in his face and thank the Lord that he no longer lives with us. http://libertyfromlies.blogspot.com/ http://stoptherollercoaster.blogspot.com/ http://byebyejekyllandhyde.blogspot.com/ http://knittingattheguillotine.blogspot.com/

http://knittingattheguillotine.blogspot.com/
http://stoptherollercoaster.blogspot.com/
http://byebyejekyllandhyde.blogspot.com/
http://libertyfromlies.blogspot.com/

Nov 29 - 4PM
mmacali (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Amnesia

MTV Oh, for sure! "Was that wrong? I am I wrong? Are you trying to tell me that I AM WRONG? There's no talking to you, it's all about MTV, MTV! You're upsetting me, DO I HAVE TO GET LOUD!" Classic one-sided communication from my N whenever I told him how I felt about something I needed to come to resolution on. This is crazy! I can't believe there are other people that know what it's like to have to endure this! It's my daily life! 100% of the time - I get no break, vacation, I'm constantly confused and I know I speak English, just like he does!
Nov 29 - 4PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

selective amnesia

Are they really clueless that their behavior is so damaging or are they playing dumb to avoid responsibility Both - sometimes its purposeful 'amnesia' but remember - their brains are different. Studies are showing they are missing grey matter and key brain chemicals... their limbic systems don't even function right. http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/08/29/narcissists-selective-amnesia http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/09/15/narcissists-believe-truth-relative-quantity http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/09/20/narcissists-cover-reveals-it-was-intentional http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/10/03/abusers-denial-its-not-river-egypt http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/10/16/youre-supposed-pretend-narcissists-lies-are-truth http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/09/10/narcissisms-one-track-mind http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/09/19/your-memory-use-it ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Nov 29 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
lesd
lesd's picture

Thank You

Thanks for the links, Barbara. I plan on reading every one of them tonight!

**************
I tell you how I feel, but you don't care. I say, "Tell me the truth," but you don't dare. You say love is a hell you cannot bear. And I say, "Give me mine back and then go there for all I care!" - Fiona Apple (Sleep to Dream)

Nov 29 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
itreallyisabouthim
itreallyisabouthim's picture

This blind spot they have -

This blind spot they have - it is so hard to understand. I once left for two days and had LONG conversations over the phone with my N husband about why I was upset. I sent e-mails. I wrote letters. I read them aloud to him in case he wasn't getting it because of problems in interpreting on which words the emphasis lay. I did everything but mime it. He doesn't even remember I left, unless I mention it. And if I were to ask him why, his answer would make my head explode, if he had one. They truly can't understand how they make us feel. They are incapable. Mine thought that as long as he did enough "nice" things, this should make up for the fact that he was totally unconcerned about my feelings or needs. I used to tell him that 16 loads of laundry do not equal 1 caring moment. However my N may have been different from others in that I believe he has a very low IQ. I think partly it's an act of convenience, but I have truly seen him struggle with basic concepts.