Why People Stay in Relationships with Angry People

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#1 Jan 22 - 9AM
titta22's picture

Why People Stay in Relationships with Angry People

Here is the link to the website i found this in.


Do you wonder why you put up with a continually angry partner, family member or friend? People who give too much, too soon and too easily often have neurotic needs that keep them in unhealthy relationships. Anger, the love addictions and codependency often go together to keep people in destructive situations. Anger kills romance and intimacy. It destroys the trust between two people and fuels betrayal until the good feelings of love disappear.

Love addictions come out of a neediness to be loved, which started when the young child was not loved and cared for in safe and supportive ways. Perhaps the baby was not wanted and picked up this message from the parents. Perhaps the child was criticized and scolded leaving her with a feeling of being flawed. Maybe she felt that she could never meet her parent's unrealistic expectations. Or decided that she was unworthy when she was rejected and abandoned by those she loved. All of these possibilities create insecurity and low self esteem in the child.

The person caught in addictive behavior goes through life trying to feel good but never making it. She seeks closeness and connection to try to make up for early feelings of loneliness and abandonment. And she invariably chooses partners who have anger and addiction issues of their own.

Anne Wison Schaef, in her book, Escape From Intimacy, Untangling the 'Love' Addictions: Sex Romance, Relationships, discusses the role of "love" addictions that underlie much of the pain of unhealthy relationships. Underneath the love addictions is the belief of personal unworthiness, which results in choosing a partner who is fearful of connection and intimacy. Sex, romance and relationship addicts are those individuals who lack their own sense of spirituality and seek their identity in other people. Their addictive behavior allows them to avoid personal responsibility for their behavior and escape intimacy.

Ask yourself why you need to love a person who creates pain for you. Ask why you care more for him than you do about your own happiness. Why is your caring so misguided? You know you can't change your partner. But you can become stronger, set some limits and insist on more appropriate behavior from him. Find the weakness in that prevents you from doing this. Real love is not about continued pain. It is about creating a partnership which each person cares and nurtures the other person.