Why oh why...yes, I'm feeling pity for him again.

Why? Why do I have pity for this man? Not in as much as it has anything personal to do with me. Like I'm not 'sorry' for breaking up with him. NOOOO WAY! LOL Let's just get that out in the open.

No. It's like, I don't know him anymore...and I got another voicemail today. A few, saying he's depressed. 'Dee, you should just call him. I know it would make him feel better.' Ah, they don't get it. The minions don't get it. I'm not calling the man, no worries, everyone. But, it's like, who is this man. Is he a heartless bastard? Yes. Is he a troubled, lost soul, lonely...desperate for attention...seeking women, but never finding happiness? Yes. He's both. How can he be both.

Dammit. I cried for the guy today. Not in the way you cry for an abandoned child, or children you hear of starving in Africa. No. I don't feel that kind of pity. But, he suffers from himself. Yes. That's it. He suffers from NPD. He does. He won't admit he is the one with the problem. None of them do. But, he suffers, like someone suffers from an incurable disease. But, at least they see the doctor. These types won't. They just continue to upset people. I heard he got into a fight with someone. He has so much anger. I don't know why.

I don't know why I am sharing this here. Just thinking out loud. I don't dislike that I feel this way. There was a time when I got angry over feeling pity. Now, it's like hearing of a stranger--almost. But, as I listened to the voicemails ...I thought. I dated that man. I might have even loved him. I don't know anymore. But, maybe he did love in his very very VERY limited capacity. And he yearns for that something or other that he can't have anymore. And despite his NPD, he knew, I understood him, and wanted to help him. And maybe, he wanted me to. But, he caught himself, and morphed into the bastard that I saw more often than not.

Oh, everyone. Why do I feel this way. I'm not pmsing. lol I just listened to my voicemails from this same girl who contacted me at home over the weekend...and thought. How can this man, never ever learn? He is getting into fights? He's too old for such behavior.

He suffers from himself. I feel like crying again. I hurt for him today. I know I am healed, because I can honestly feel pain for this stupid idiot! lol

Oh gosh, you probably all want to strangle me. But, I thought, maybe someone out there in cyberland will identify with this...

No worries. I still think he's a colossal asshole. :=P

~D