Why Is It So Hard to Say No?

I've often come across this lack of assertiveness in my work, mostly in women. You can change it with techniques that are simple though they may not seem easy at first. Often it's enough to say a firm no. Watch your body language, stand tall, no smiles, make eye contact. Think twice whether an explanation is necessary. If so make it brief, clear and polite. That will do. Difficult people including Narcs will start asking questions to make you feel guilty. In this case I tell them "What I said is not a basis for discussion but a statement." Depending on the situation you can then simply walk away or change subjects, but you offer no more explanations. You can practise infront of a mirror, then go and do it. The more often you pull it off, the easier it becomes, until you cannot even remember what your problem had been. Your confidence will soar. Feelings follow actions.

you will hurt his feelings if you tell him no. "No means NO,idiot." (Not you, him.} He obviously doesn't care about your feelings or his girlfriend's. Don't feel bad. If you don't be up front with him now you will suffer the consequences. If you are completely honest with yourself you would have to own some responsibility for the continuing attempts. Remember it takes two. He's dead in the water w/o you.

i read somewhere that narcs like to have the appearance of having a gf. (i was my narc's "appearance.")-so that they can use that as an excuse why not to get too close,or get intimate with other women...meanwhile teasing other women to feed their egos. If he's not a narc,he's a player. If it bothers you to offend him,you could make the reason about you. You could say you're having trouble getting over someone,or that you have closeness issues?

Girlfriend, you have to take time to heal, or your going to repeat the same lesson, over and over again. It's been 6 months, and I have done a ton of internal work on me, healing, learning, licking my wounds. if I were you, I would take a couple of months off and get to know yourself, heal yourself, and learn to love yourself, before you jump into the pit. Just a suggestion. Love to all Jen

Lobo, you have come a long way. Good job on being truthful about what you are doing. The cogdiss is a bitch. I will say if someone tells me they are not interested but then kisses me, I would doubt what they say. Don't let this new guy get into your head. Consider it a test for you. The attention you are getting now will not be worth the pain and suffering you will get later. You had the distraction, now move away from it and keep growing and healing. When a bad show comes on the TV, I change the channel. When there is nothing on I turn it off. Find something else to do, something that is good for you. We deserve better than scraps, drama, and emotional chaos. ds

Girl, what the heck are you doing? You know the answers, do you need me to yell at you? I know you don't . Saying "NO" is to protect you. Do you really need more Drama right now? Looks to me like you could be creating some! you don't even like how he kisses!! If it were me I'd have fun with it and play the jackass with No's! How mean to keep his girlfriend on a string! Why would your hurt this girl like you've been hurt? You are just going to make yourself look desperate! So did I make it easier for you to "Just say No". Be Strong, Hunter

1) No you are not crazy 2) what can I do to not feel bad about saying no? Remember yourself and that your thoughts, needs and desires matter 3) Why is it so difficult to say no to someone I don't want anyway? because we women folk are programmed from the start to say yes. Also, you are a kind and good person who doesn't enjoy hurting other's feelings.

Lobo I understand. I really truly do. First let me applaud you, that you recognize you are desperate for love and can't say no is a HU~UGE sign of growth. How do I know it's so huge? Because it was a huge sign of growth for me. To know it, accept it, and then say it out loud means coming to a really hard ugly truth about yourself. And I have a whole basket of ugly truths that I am sorting through on this side of the screen. So I'm with you. Okay, so you can't say no. I suspect that due to emotional abuse in your past (you have an exNarc in your life. So you have emotional abuse in your past) there is a part of you that feels that you deserve the punishment or pain that is being doled out. Also, not wishing to hurt people's feelings, not wishing to be selfish, not wishing to put yourself forward. Not wanting to reject someone else. All of this is fairly standard training for modern western women. Some of us get a much stronger dose, especially if you were raised in a Judeo Christian household. (I'm not trying to drive this into a religious discussion, I think that would belong in another place). So how do you get there? How do you break free of the cycle? The most practical method of getting started is the magic words of "I'll think about it", "let me get back to you", "let me check my schedule", "Not right now". Is it just in your romantic and sexual life you can't say no or do you have a hard time saying no to anyone? Because if you are going through the same journey I have been going through (And are still on), No is a bad word. Rejection is a mortal sin. And when you hurt someone else you are equally wounded. And it's not just in relationships. If this is true, then if you practice saying no in the rest of your life you will find it easier to say no in your romantic life. Because it is a muscle that needs to be exercised. And it starts with "let me think about it and get back to you", and in a sexual moment "not now". This buys you the time to return to a more rational frame of mind. You can rally the troops and find the ability to say no. You can't say no because it is a muscle that has wasted away. So you just need to give it some exercise. I hope that helps.

Who's there? A Narc. Lobo lordy, if you didn't even LIKE kissing the guy why on earth are you giving him the time of day? If you want to say no, say no. You know that this new crappy substitute narc will not make you feel better, remeber they come first always. You don't need this extra narc crap right now Lobo. Tell the waters and test your own resolve to use the word NO and mean it. take care hugs

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