Why i attracted my narc

I have read a lot on here about people thinking why they attracted a narc, what they need to change etc and at first i thought "no one i have ever met was a narc and i was fine before i met him"

then recently i have realised something. it just clicked with me that when i was raised by my parents i was always told what i couldn't do. they never encouraged me or anything i wanted to do.

my dads family were abusive but it is all kept secret from me so i only know certain things. my gran on my mums side was my babysitter for most of my youth and she always talked about my grandad behind his back, saying negative things.

i've been wondering if my mum is a narc, but she is a nurse, which is a caring job. but she doesn't have a sense of humour, she's very OCD and stuck in her ways and she can be quite controlling.

even though i live alone now, she still acts as if she has a say in my life. she doesn't like that i'm gay and doesn't want any of her family knowing, yet she expects me to visit every weekend and spend my entire weekends there. she told me that my home is still there and not where i live now.

i've also seen her explode for no good reason. example, she complained that she had no money because "I spend it all on food to feed you greedy bastards" one night as she set our dinner plates down to us. liitle things like that are just coming back to me. she's also very passive aggressive sometimes and doesn't speak to my dad but is nice to everyone else. i don't think my dad realises she is abusive because he is used to that from growing up.

then my dad says hurtful things and passes them off as a joke to people. he's what one would call a "shit stirrer", starts arguments etc just for fun and then says people need to take a joke.

this is why i left home at 20, but i'm also remembering after a few days with my narc when he actually showed affection to me i said he was too clingy, and i ended up apologising saying that "no one has ever been this nice to me so i am not used to it".

i'm only realising now, my looks attracted the narc and because i hadn't been in any other relationship i was perfect for him as i wouldn't have anything to base him on. and because my parents were impossible to impress, i found him similar, and for some reason i love trying to impress people that can't be impressed, so i think that's why i kept sticking with him.