1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. All About Him Forum
  5. why does this lesson have to be so painful

why does this lesson have to be so painful

7 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Dec 6 - 1AM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

why does this lesson have to be so painful

I just hate hate this. I hate that i was out today... taking care of me... get home to an email from Narc stupidly open the damn friggin thing... when i broke Nc i sent one to him basically ending it..after he started his games..i was getting physically ill by them...and he started this odd conversation about a crisis he was in and how he fearful he was that i would tell backupgirl.....

. well he had an issue with that email of course and today DAYS later replies.days..wtf!! then says he will be in touch...is he even serious...really. like he didnt read what i had wrote. i did the stupid usual and called his cell phone...ive been blocked...wtf... so i did the bold thing and called his house line.. hoping the stupid naive backup was there to hear...told him i am DONE DONE... honey...we are done. that there seems to be a misunderstanding and i dont know who you think i am but im not some sorry sap we are done..
I was very very calm..not raging like he would be. ..and that was that.
i just want to shake this crying...this dwelling on such a loser....

i had already had him blocked on my cell(cant figure the land line out) but didnt have this one email of his blocked...LOSER he thinks he is going to be in touch... wth.

and in part of the email he made it seem as if i was the ONE pursing him all these months...it is so sick...that is what made me cry the most tonite. mentioned how im not to send pics to his phone like i did in the past..as it is not secure...wth...( never could figure out why i wasnt given the secret email account... or an email that was more secure0 just makes NO SENSE he is so friggin sick...HE SENT me naked pics of himself... and now suddenly it is not secure and he needs me to know this...why??

the one friend i can talk to about this blames me for being the ow...and now i feel like such a low life. a loser.

my therapist- he left a msg if i still needed to come in... i thought I was doing Ok, obviously not since im back to crying over this narc.

I blame myself for everything.... he destroyed so much of my life..soooo much. today for a day i regained it until that email. this is just the same old pattern...my friend made me promise to never talk to him again. she said you left that msg tonite now really mean ...you have to really mean you are done. she said he is NOT a friend...friends would not treat you this way..it is abuse...you are being and have been abused. :(

i fear he is going to come seek me out in person as he always feared i would tell backup woman everything... i have enough on him to end his entire world...i have to admit for the first time im scared.

Dec 6 - 8AM
TNR1
TNR1's picture

Destiny...OMG...this is so

Destiny...OMG...this is so not your fault. These Narcs are cunning actors who can mislead anyone. Do not take his blame...he is projecting on you big time to save face. It's amazing the lies that they can convince themselves (and others) about. The important thing to remember is that he is disordered. Right now...stay with the people on this board who understand and care about you. Feel free to PM me anytime you need support.
Dec 6 - 7AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

The one friend you can talk

The one friend you can talk to blames you for being the OW? What kind of friend is this person who finds it necessary to place "blame" when helping and supporting someone? Blame is a harsh word, and I don't feel should be a tool in your tool box at this point. Now, taking "ownership" for your choices, your actions and decisions. That is healthy, but BLAME? No, blame is not a necessary word for your friend to feel the need to use. Blaming yourself, can cause you to take a different road in your journey and let me assure you, it will be the longer road. What's done is done, and the important thing is to recognize what has happened to you and to heal. If we are looking to blame anyone during this time, we would have to blame almost every significant person that has been in your life since you were a child. They are all ingredients in this mixture, you are NOT to be blamed for what has happened, and your friend is wrong to tell you so. As a matter of fact, your N is not to be blamed 100% either, the people before him have a part in this experience as well. Because if not for them, whoever they are, you would have not been so suseptible to the narc in the first place. Stay NC for your own good, don't spend so much time worrying of the "what ifs". Just know that if the time ever comes, that you need to handle it accordingly for your own good and the good of your healing.
Dec 6 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thanks - i just dont have

thanks - i just dont have anyone to talk to about this... or any real friends for that matter- i see now that set me up for being a target of the narc. he has literally left me in ruins...affected my health..used his position as a helpful conusultant to prey on me... i always tell my friend i will and do take ownership in my part.... but she just doesnt get how this all happened how it wasnt like this in the beginning...how things were smooth he was supportive not blocking me etc. the email i got yesterday from narc would never have happened. the thing also is i have the power to ruin him for good to make sure he never does this again to another client.. but i have to focus on me... if anyone knew the half of this... i have a chronic illness...he made himself my main source of support.. i see now i shouldnt have let this happen... and i keep thinking what human would do this to a person who he knows is not in good health...especially recently... i know he is disordered.... but yet that doesnt seem to help at all. he has smeared me to almost everyone he can possibly think of... i just feel like my life is ruined.
Dec 6 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
Redhead
Redhead's picture

Hi Destiny

Mine has done many of these things you've mentioned also. Just tell yourself that now you are blocking him by going nc. My narc has also put the smear campaign on me too. His true character will surface to all in time. Sparrow is right - stop blaming yourself. These guys are EXCELLENT cons. Hold your head up high, stay with us on this forum, and keep reading.
Dec 6 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thanks and I do have him

thanks and I do have him blocked where he can be blocked. I just dont know how to handle this smearing of me... sending private emails to a third party etc. he has literally made it impossible to find a replacement for him ( wish i could go into more details but cant) it is just so beyond sick at this point. he even fears one family member and has her blocked.... when she said it is time his backup woamn knows the truth .... he called this family member in the wee hours of the morning and woke her up. backup thinks im a crazy stalker loon..... it just sux
Dec 6 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
Redhead
Redhead's picture

Destiny

Yes...it sucks. But this does not define you.