Why do they leave?

Cupcake, I just joined. You are going back and exposing yourself to more of his illness. You can never be well if you do not stay away from the source. Distance and absolutely no contact is necessary. I have been there. Please: - have a dear friend hold you accountable;one who will not allow you to discuss him at all -Do not communicate with him unless you have children and must do so for them.Email only and have your friend review each one. This is for your emotional safety. I promise if you will consider this an illness; quarantine yourself for protection , you can recover. Please understand me; you have been infected and been made to think that you are "in ruins" with out the illness in your life. When you can isolate yourself from this and see what a truly gifted, talented person you are, you will feel better. I hope this helps you and God Bless.

I'm sorry you are going through this difficult time but dwelling on the relationship he has with this other woman isn't going to help you. Why do you think she has it so much better? How do you know she's not really miserable? Just because they've been together 4 years doesn't mean it's a happy 4 years. He might have a bunch of ladies on the side and like many others pointed out she may look the other way. Is that the way you want to spend your life with someone? Wouldn't you want someone who respects you, truly loves you and treats you well? You weren't willing to put up with his bs. Would you be happier putting up with all his lies? When I finally confronted my N about the two ladies I found out about, he angrily barked that I had no proof. True it was nothing in writing concrete but I would have to be a fool not to see. When I took him back it was with a heavy heart because I knew the truth that he didn't really love me. I don't know why I went back maybe I hoped that I was wrong or I just wasn't ready to let go. It was a painful four months before we finally broke up. There were things I wanted to confront him with but knew I risked losing him. I didn't want to live the lie any longer so I said the things I knew would finish it off. In the end I realized I never had him. If you are having any contact with him you have to stop. He will say and do anything to keep you under his control when he needs anything from you. That he's chasing you while supposedly so in love with her says it all right there. He loves NO ONE because if he did he wouldn't be cheating; risking hurting and losing someone he loves. Remember why things ended. My other abusive N that I had the misfortune of running into, actually told me he had the same problems with every woman he dated after me. Don't know if he beat any of them or tried to kill them like he did me. Knowing that wouldn't make a difference anyway it was a horrible relationship for me; he was bad for me. That's what you must see too. Maybe they are perfectly happy together but being with him was bad for you Even recently I heard his wife is keeping him on a short leash and has threatened to leave.

My N would do the same thing. He still does. He had nothing but good things to say about me, I have NEVER heard half of them. We know the same circle of people, and everyone knows I am quite successful and pretty "normal" so in a nutshell people respect me....so that means he cant say anything but nice things about me to people, cuz anything else would be a lie....and EVERYONE would know it. Maybe his friends/family know his gf is a good women....so he has to say nice things to keep her and keep everyone else fooled as well. Trust me, when I say, she probably has no idea of all the nice things he does/say. She gets to listen to his psycho babble and pretend he is changeable..... He is no good and never will be....also when we allow a certain behavior why would they change? They wont because they cant....and even if he could...he wouldn't for you, as you were never in that position. He always kept you in the background.....and unfortunately that's were you would stay. Im sorry if this sounds harsh, as I really dont mean to....but before me there were a bunch of different girls in his life, all of which were stuck in "position"....exactley where he put them and that was it. It really does suck.

Cupcake . You say that your ns talks lovingly about his girlfriend to others . My ns use to talk the same way about me to friends of ours , gushing about me , my friends use to remark about how much he talked about me . One evening he went to the pub with my good male friend and he relayed back to me that my ns spoke about me all evening . Funny . Because i remember that same evening he came home and spent 2 hours telling me how useless i was reducing me to tears .The point is ALL IS NEVER WHAT IT SEEMS. Big Hugs Peru x

Cupcake....he is probably making up most of what he says he is doing for "girlfriend". The reason he gets so attached is that he is sucking the life out of them, he has to have them for his supply. N's are emotional vampires, just because he is sucking on your neck doesn't mean that he won't leave your limp lifeless body laying in the dirt when he is done. My N's ex-wife and ex-fiance were very angry at me when they learned how much "better" he had treated me than them so I can see where your coming from. Just remember that he treated me the way he had to because he was playing a game. He didn't really treat me better he just treated me different because I was a different type of girl. Additionally, there were with him for years where I was only with him for 9 months followed by 6 months of him trying to come back...and back....and back. Trust me, the image he is projecting to you is just that...an image. It's not real. Stop the cycle today. Get your life back now.

Crazy People Make You Crazy. Your N is amused by your emotions. Put yourself at the eyeglass end of a microscope. You are watching a fly. It buzzes around frantically. Your N knows what it takes to get you to buzz around frantically too. He will play with your emotions for his amusement. You have a much wider range of emotions than a fly and the narcissist knows what he has to do to make you look crazy, buzz around frantically, cry, yell, argue, or any other human emotional reaction he can get out of you. If he’s really lucky he can make you look crazier than he is. Ns like doing this. They like emotional targets. They find it amusing.

How do narcissists experience love? The best descriptor of narcissists’ love style is game playing. We have found this over and over in our research. Narcissists are “players” in their romantic relationships. They get kick out of keeping their partner uncertain about their level of commitment. One day it is “I love you,” the next it is a total brush off. Narcissists have another advantage when it comes to deception and manipulation: they often believe their own story (!!!). Narcissists think that game playing IS love. They feel excited and cocky and act in a cool, charming way and think; "Wow, this is a really good relationship full of true feelings"(!!!). He could say he loved her, and not really be lying. However, because there is no actual caring or compassion, it is easy for a narcissist to hurt his partner again and again, even though he supposedly has “deep” feelings for her.

Mine actually said: "Gotta be mean to keep 'm keen"