Why do they do it?

21 posts / 0 new

#1 Jan 18 - 9AM

Emma

Why do they do it?

Why do they do it?!

I was nearly a month NC and everything was great. I felt like I was slowly returning to the person I used to be. I was smiling, laughing again, not being so withdrawn, and as far as the xN was concerned, I felt indifferent.

Then up he pops..like nothings happened. So all the feelings come back. I find it so frustrating. It's like they have some kind of radar.. They know when we're moving on and they HAVE to fuck it up with contact.

I have never felt so angry. I emailed him and I know I shouldn't have but I just needed go get it out and for him to know I'm not tollerating his shit anymore.

I hate you for the way you've treated me and for what you've put me through...you have killed absolutely everything.

Do me a favor ... NEVER IN THIS FUCKING LIFE TIME GET INCONTACT WITH ME AGAIN. I FUCKING MEAN IT...JUST STAY AWAY.

Please someone tell me that after this..he will STAY AWAY!!!!

#2 Jan 18 - 8PM

LearninToDanceI...

Why do they do it?

If they feel they're not getting enough supply from the new or other woman, they will try and real the exes back in as a "back up supply". They may start to feel threatened that they will lose the other woman, then go after us hardcore, because they fear the threat of having zero supply. It's pathetic. We are to be used for their backup supply and we must NOT FALL FOR IT!! This isn't the "N" coming back to sincerely tell us he loves us and that he screwed up by leaving. DO NOT BUY INTO IT! I do have an ity bit amount of sympathy for the "Ns" however. Those poor souls. Damaged, SO very damaged. Sad that a human being would have to live their ENTIRE life in misery. And you'd think they'd be exhausted all the time from the energy they put in to faking who they are, and brainwashing their power supply. Sheesh!

#3 Jan 18 - 7PM

ichooselife

Im going through the same thing!!!

Damm them!! They do it on purpose, yes to make us miserable. Mine is hanging out in my neighborhood, of all places--the tiny little square of grocery stores, mall and library that he knows I constantly go to. I wish the day would come that I'de know it was the end of this bs too. All I can do for now is save all his emails (as proof that he keeps contacting me after I asked him not to), and wait for him to buzz my apt again so I can call the cops and get a file started. Its so unfair that they are able to do this to our lives. I hate the suspence this brings, truly. I hope things back-fire on them full force!

#4 Jan 18 - 7PM (Reply to #18)

abreva

the waiting does work. be

the waiting does work. be encouraged that the effort you take to save the emails and call the cops WILL make some difference. I have been dealing with a problem with my kids (regarding their father) for 6 months and just got some encouraging news that it looks like someone at the school is going to actually DO something. Finally. Patience.

#5 Jan 18 - 7PM (Reply to #19)

ichooselife

Thankyou....

This is really good to hear :)

#6 Jan 18 - 10AM

dabussard

No they never really stop

I have said those mean things and he still bothers me... I have my N blocked from my phone.. New years day he had the nerve to call and text my husband's phone... I'll tell you they stop at nothing.. Last Saturday night, I got a call at 2:30 a.m., I was half asleep and just answered without even looking at the number... He called from one of the OW's phone and I could hear them having sex.... Anyway to try and stay in my head... lol... Sick freak... My husband and I are going to change our numbers as soon as our house is refinanced... And that can't come soon enough...

#7 Jan 18 - 7PM (Reply to #16)

ichooselife

wow, they are true nightmares!

Its amazing how they are all so much the same in this way!

#8 Jan 18 - 9AM

Isis

Silence, the best answer

Silence is the best answer to deal with an Narc. From my own experience, during the initial period, they also try to pretend they want no contact, but later they'll get in touch. Like it was already said only by staying NC you can have your peace back. Any type of contact, even if negative, is supply and Ns want supply.

#9 Jan 18 - 10AM (Reply to #7)

Emma

I did NC for nearly a month,

I did NC for nearly a month, the longest we've gone without communicating. I was moving on. But he ALWAYS comes back one way or another. It gets so tiring.. He does like to act like he initiated no contact, as he blocks me before block him. Then after he's calmed down he takes me off. It's all so childish.

#10 Jan 18 - 8PM (Reply to #14)

LearninToDanceI...

Dear Emma

I would block my "N" in every way. I would block him from my cell phone, my facebook,and any other type of network. It would also be to your advantage to have your closest friends and family block him as well. He WILL look for some other way to make contact, even if you have blocled him. He will try friends and family. If he blocks you on Facebook, just keep checking to see if he has unblocked you so that you can quickly make the move and block his ass. Good luck with everything. Knelz :-)

#11 Jan 18 - 10AM (Reply to #13)

Isis

Typical

Exactly, mine also likes to act as if he is the one who wants the no contact, but that's to protect his "image" of a nice guy who's always so misunderstood and a victim of everything, even from the air he breathes. Then they can spread the word we're the crazy ones and they're the "normal" human beings.

#12 Jan 18 - 10AM (Reply to #8)

spinning

Emma, you can bow out of the game...

...if you are committed to no contact, you wouldn't know if you were blocked or when he unblocks you. His actions are not part of the equation until he disregards YOUR BOUNDARIES, which means hoovering in any way shape or form. You have all the power here, not him. He'll keep coming back as often as you let him. When you stop engaging with him and stop playing the game, it will stop. No contact is the key to freedom from confusion and pain. The sooner you commit to complete NC, the sooner you really will be able to move on. Sincerely, (not) spinning. BECAUSE I'M OUT OF THE GAME

spinning

#13 Jan 19 - 2AM (Reply to #12)

bgirl

Spinning you are right. Under

Spinning you are right. Under my therapists advice... I sent him a text wishing him all the best (lol) We removed our children from his direct care and informed the organization of what had transpired. (they even had their lawyers look into it) I moved 400km away (not an option for every one... I know) I have never looked him up, contacted him or asked about him since. The withdrawal was horrible. I thought I would die. But I'm still here, baby steps is all I take. I will take any step necessary to never see this man again

#14 Jan 18 - 10AM (Reply to #9)

Emma

Spinning

I'm not playing his game, I gave up playing his game long ago. Esp after my son has caught me crying time and time again because I couldn't take any more...the N had emotionally crippled me. I have been NC..I have ignored his Hoovering attempts and his texts..at the moment I feel at my very lowest eb and I thinks he knows this, which is why he's been so persistant..there really isn't much more I can take. I have been as blunt with him as I can be. If he doesn't take notice then the police will be the next resort.

#15 Jan 18 - 7PM (Reply to #11)

ichooselife

Yes I think calling the police on them means much more to these

freaks than knowing they're destroying our lives, unfortunately. I am still in awe of how ruthless they are! Dont hesitate to call the police. I swear I can't wait till my N gives me a reason to do it....Ive let him do way to much damage. They will take notice when things start to affect THEM. They're 100% selfish plus sadistic. But God forbid that THEY be uncomfortable in any way. We have to make it not worth their while, and incovenience them as much as possible. I hope things get better for you soon, and me. Hang in there.

#16 Jan 18 - 10AM (Reply to #10)

spinning

Good work, Emma, don't let him

take any more of your peace of mind, your sanity, your time and your precious time with your son away from you. As my sister constantly reminds me "With some people NICE DOESN'T WORK." You have tried nice. You have tried bluntness. You have tried everything you know. I hope you won't have to deal with him ever again, but if you have to call in the police, do it. Sometimes that is what it takes for the message to resonate. You do not deserve to be held hostage by a disordered one's games. I am so glad you are choosing yourself! Sincerely, (not) spinning

spinning

#17 Jan 18 - 9AM

indenial

Possibly not

If he's still getting a reaction from you. Any attention is attention to a narc. He will probably respond with something to make you feel like shit. Whatever reaction you give them they manipulate to suit their own agenda which is basically to make you suffer. Mine seems to have a knack of knowing when I'm ok and pops up to toy with my mind some more. It just destroys your sanity in the end. I live in a constant state of fear of what he may do to mess my life up some more I hope for your sake he does stay away now and I'm glad that you have been feeling times if normality again. Don't let him ruin that for you

#18 Jan 18 - 9AM (Reply to #5)

Emma

I didn't have to suffer his

I didn't have to suffer his shitty reply, he's blocked.. He's peeved. He came round yesterday to drop off some of my things. Usually I'd see him, burst into tears, ask him in, I'd suffer his belittling crap and we'd agree to try again. But yesterday I changed the cycle. He knocked, I took my bag without even looking at him, said thanks and shut the door. Not what he was expecting at all. I can only imagine the names he called me as the door was slammed in his face. But it felt great. I felt like I had some power for a change. Then he blocked me before I could block him. He was well pissed!!! As far as I'm concerned, I've said my bit, hopefully he'll listen and move on. Back to square one .....

#19 Jan 18 - 9AM

spinning

Emma, he will stay away

when you stop engaging with him. If he continues to "pop up" call the cops. If you mean it that you do not wish to engage with him, then you MUST NOT, even if it is to tell him to stop. Negative supply is supply. Bolster your boundaries if you are serious about no contact. Block. Delete. Change your patterns. Silence and non-action are your armour. If he persists, call the authorities. It's really that simple. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT IS NOT AN OPTION. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION

spinning

#20 Jan 18 - 7PM (Reply to #2)

ichooselife

Its sooooo hard not to react sometimes. I can totally see why

his ex used to hit him over the head with frying pans!lol

#21 Jan 18 - 8PM (Reply to #3)

LearninToDanceI...

LOL!!!!

Oh I just have to say, that gave me a good laugh. :D

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