why do they contact you?

They contact you because as I once read, they need to make sure their supply is still in line. Before his new relationship fails, he needs to make sure you are still there waiting, so that he can go back to you, then eventually do the same thing over again. It's a horrible cycle. On Christmas I got the same thing. A text saying Merry Christmas after ignoring my calls and texts for 2 straight days, then going no contact for almost 2 months. He wanted me to think he did it because he's a great guy, and has "changed", but now after gaining knowledge, what he was doing was "testing the waters", sending a simple text like that to see if you would respond, or how you would respond. If you responded bad, he would wait longer, to give you more time to cool down. If you responded good, he would know that you are still a source of supply that he can always go back to. I was just in the same situation and that one text sent my recovery back 5 steps. So I just changed my number. The fact that just seeing his number pop up on my phone gave me so much anger and pain, I know that I have so much more healing to do, and it will only be done with ZERO contact, meaning never seeing his number again. My advise, change your number. Then YOU can have closure.

You know why he contacted you. First, it's Christmas & whatever he's got keeping him relatively busy not to contact you for 4 months has something else to do over the holidays. Second, he is taking a chance that you just might answer. What's he got to lose? Nothing. It's just a game to him. Always has been. You fulfilled his needs & played his games in the past. Whatever he's doing now is not necessarily fulilling all his needs. So he'll knock on the doors where he's received support & supply in the past. For all you know, many ex-women-friends of this N were contacted in off-moments during this holiday season where he seems to have been alone for a few minutes. You know how Ns cannot stand to be alone. And the mindset of an N is not difficult. You & your feelings are NOT important. N ode snot even realize that you have feelings. No empathy. Only N's feeling matter. It is all about what N wants & when N wants it. Your function is to give him what he wants & when he wants. He owes you no explanations. He can turn up after 4 hours, days, weeks, months, or years. Why? Because that's the way it is & that's what N wants.

This is just how it works in dealing with them. they contact you because they can't stand anyone having a fun christmas or birthday. they trigger a type of anxiety in everyone who gets too close to them. Many therapists won't take them as patients because they are so problematic. the only way people get past this is to have NO CONTACT. After awhile whatever the addiction is passes and you can laugh at them and their antics without getting caught up in it. My neighbor has been getting contacts at Christmas and her birthday for 15 years. she used to get upset but after reading the posts on this website she has the game in perspective and she just laughs and laughs now. Get to that point and you are home free.

Im in the same boat , first the socks and this morning an email from him wishing me happy christmas .Sigh , i can block texts but not emails . I have no idea why he contacts me , well i do know he wants me to go back with him so i can have the honey moon period and then the slow D&D for the fourth time , Like im ever going through that again ! Stay no contact and smile a little to your self that no contact drives them mad , its the only weapon you have with these men . Happy Christmas , im off to family now for a second dinner the first was with friends , i feel totaly stuffed already lol Big Love Scoop x