Why do men abuse? When Love Goes Wrong, and You can do no right

The simplest, most direct answer is because they choose to! Sopme of the recent discussion of physical abuse of women got me to thinking and I pulled another book I bought a few weeks ago called: When Love Goes Wrong: What to Do When You Can't Do Anything Right by Ann Jones (Author), Susan Schechter (Author).

Millions of women are physically and emotionally abused by men every day, week, month and year by men who have been conditioned by their various societies that it is their right to control and dominant the women in their lives. Many men don't abuse despite society's messages and conditioning.. perhaps having been trained at home that such behavior was unacceptable in a man they don't abuse women, and hold women in regard with respect.

This brought memories of my second husband who beat his first wife. When I got together with Danny, I told "I don't care what you're reasons are, how provoked you feel, whatever your reasons, if you abuse me, hit me, I will prosecute you if you ever raise a hand to me. I will not cover up for you, I will not excuse you..I will have you arrested and put in jail!" He never did beat me although I'm sure he wanted to, but yet he didn't dare.

Later on, because he abused my daughter, I did swear out a complaint against him, he was arrested, put in the county lock up, sentenced, and ended up in prison for six years, on parole for six more years, divorced him and he was banned from our lives.

My daughter is with a good, kind, gentle man now, but I'm proud she left her first abusive husband, and refused to put up with his bad behavior. She stood up for herself and refused to take abused!

My message about all this, if you are involved with an abuser, don't put up with it, don't cover up for him, accept his bad behavior! I've had a lot of abuse and neglect in my life, mostly from parents, especially my mother. I've had to learn to be tough!

After the narc, I no longer put up with bad behavior from a man. My Abuse-O-Meter is set on high alert. I pay attention now to red flags from a man - If I get any sense that a man is a potential abuser, I shut him down and so fast it would make your head spin. He is gone, and not permitted to come back into my life!

We women don't have to put up with abuse! That's my message. You do have a choice! It is not always evident, but change starts with us and what we will accept from a man in our personal relationships!

Heck yeah, I've left a man without having money or other resources..It's tough to make such choices to go it alone1 Yet, I know it can be done. If you have daughter's , it's even more crucial that you set a good example for them, that abusers have no place in your life, and you will not tolerate any abuse from a man!

I hope this helps. If it does help even one woman, this will have been worth it. Thanks!