Why do I care?

"The narc hated that I hadn't lost the baby weight 6 months after our baby was born." Okay, right there, he doesn't deserve to see beautiful you. Any guy who feels that way AND let's the mother of his child know it is pure shit. Nope, not love. In my book, not love. "The narc has hoovered and wants to see me for a chat and to be friends." Hahahahahahaha. Of course he does. That is so funny and so original. These guys just crack me up. You too? "A part of me wants him to see how I look now and how well I'm doing. Why why why do I want this?" Little one, we ALL want this. IF we see the N, when we see the N, we want to look good, feel good, and be well. It is part of our surviving. I think that is totally legit. You are looking good, feeling good, and working towards wellness because you love yourself. On a side note, we want the narcbags to know that they may have knocked us down, but we are rising out of the ashes with the glory of a phoenix. We will not stay down! "Why does a part of me still want validation from him?" Is it validation or is it, "Your loss, sucka?" Either way, it will continue to fade as you dive deeper and deeper into the beauty of your life and your self and leave him stranded on a desert island with only himself to play with. So, keep believing in yourself. Improve, grow, live, love, laugh, and whether he EVER knows it or not, you will be so busy glowing in your space that you won't give a rat's ass whether he is blinded by your light or not. I'm glad you posted this, LO. I think we all need to be reminded of such thoughts, because it helps to know that we're not alone in this journey. Peace, Adoette PS You look great! =]

I totally understand where you are coming on this. I feel the same way. My ex lives in a different state, and the longest I seem to be able to go without NC is 2 days. In fact I went 2 days this weekend but he contacted me this morning. And of course I responded. I think for me I both want the validation that he cares. But I also strive for the upper hand. I know that is a long ways from where most of the other folks on this board are at. But the first steps of being on this board and reading others situations is giving me a new perspective and strength to finally let go.

just know though that when you are trying to play this with him....you are not even equal in playing cos his mind works different and we will always think different.... no good will come out of it... when you find the center in you...you will not seek validation (not that i know how it feels ...i am working on it)..... you dont need any validation from him.....if you believe in god...seek validation from above no where else cos we will never get the validation that wee seek.