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Why is this considered a disorder?

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#1 Jan 4 - 10PM
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

Why is this considered a disorder?

Not saying it should/shouldn't be. But, I have to admit. I struggle with calling this a disorder, because it feels like an excuse for bad behavior. These men treat women like crap...and that's a *disorder?*

But then I think of all the similar patterns with our stories here. The way these men tend to act out in similar ways. The cheating. The lies. The need to be in the limelight. The hoovering. The d&d. The luring, and conniving. The berating, insulting emails. The silent treatment. I mean, it's uncanny the resemblance our stories all share.

But still...a disorder? Is it really a mental illness? Maybe it is. I'd say the two narcs I've dealt with were mentally ill to some degree. They just aren't normal.

Maybe I'm answering my own question.

Jan 5 - 6AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Deidre 99

It is a personality disorder, like Briseis mentions and something like that is PART of your personality, who you are, and therefore cannot be changed through medication or whatever and even therapy is very very difficult at best and there has to be a willingness on the part of the person to CHANGE and since they are perfect in their twisted minds, they do not need to change, YOU do. If you have been following any of my posts about my 15 year relationship with the exn who is dying of cancer, you will know they NEVER change,I sent him a card, nice one and not even a simple thank you for thinking of me,just more false accusations from the past. They hate themselves and who in Gods earth would love them????
Jan 5 - 4AM
Scotchy71
Scotchy71's picture

Lack

They lack the ability to feel good feelings. Bottom line, they understand love, they just can't feel it. I believe it is a disorder, but the important thing to remember is, they choose to hurt others because they protect themselves at all costs. They're totally empty inside and need us to fill their void...they repeat their behaviour over and over because they don't think there's anything wrong with them so they can't change. No excuse for their behaviour but if you caused the devastation they did, could you just move on without feeling bad? No you couldn't because you have a conscience, they don't. They are angry at the world because normal people love and have empathy and they know there's something wrong with them but will never work out what it is. He's terrified of looking inside himself, he knows it's horrible in there and empty of anything....x
Jan 5 - 4AM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

It is A Disorder

It is A Disorder of..care..empathy..life..love understanding "I don't know what everybody else heard but attention is the strongest drug. People will do ANYTHING for it" That above quote is from the N best friend..birds of a Narc flock together.. They are disordered mutually.. It is a punishment of attention..Notice how the anything remains in CAPS..but the other less meanigful words remain not in caps.. That is because the disorder is not the attention..it is the ANYTHING.. They seek to do anything for anything..they are all or nothing species who will compete to the death.. They are not only sick in the mind but body They have chosen there sickness many years ago..it is like the devil presented a scroll for them to sign and they did without a blink..While ignoring The fine print..it said You will recrive..Women ..riches..Gold and a.Thrown.. But they refused to read the fine print which was boldly written in red and dotted with Black.. The fine print said you will hold all of these for you soul.. The N then signed away..knowing and fully aware of there sacrifice.. These men with proclaimed disorderes..are the chosen ones to lead a army of sin.. They were chose by themselves..to torment lives by themselves.. each individual N..is like being trampled by a army..you will feel it for days ..months..even years.. That is why I look at it as war..until the smoke clears..and im the only one remaning holding my Gun

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Jan 4 - 10PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

It's not a mental illness

It's not a mental illness because there is no medication or procedure to cure it or keep it in remission. It is a disorder because . . . well that's obvious :D It's more like you and I have the disorder, not the Narc. They're just FINE, we're the ones suffering. What we're experiencing is under the more general topic of personality disorders, NPD being one of several types (well, until 2013 anyway). In my mind, whether a person is a PDI or a jerk with bad behavior amounts to the same thing. Avoid.
Jan 5 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

I read a book called

I read a book called "Emotional Vampires" a while ago by Albert Bernstein (http://www.albernstein.com). Really interesting book, by the way. His comment was: "Personality Disorders, those strange mental illnesses that drive other people crazy." This is certainly true of xnh, his narc mother, and his P daughter. They think they're just FINE, but they drive other people to the brink of insanity with their behavior. Xnh even told me there's nothing wrong with him the night he dumped me. It is my understanding, from things I've read, people with a mental illness usually have specific problems as in (example) schizophrenia where they see delusions or hear voices that aren't really there. In mental illnesses, there are usually specific symptoms that can be treated, at least partially, with medications or procedures. Sometimes these people KNOW they have mental problems, and it bothers them to be this way. They WANT a cure for themselves. However, a personality disorder permeates throughout the person's entire being. It is not a chemical imbalance, etc. It is more of a developmental problem. Their entire personality is deformed. The disorder is so entwined in the person's "self" that it is inseparable. It IS their personality. They won't even admit that they have a problem, and it doesn't bother them to be disordered. Thus, there is usually no cure. Therapy cannot help a person that thinks they have nothing wrong with them, and they're comfortable with their own behavior as it is. Who cares if they hurt others? It doesn't bother them. It must be the OTHER people that are insane and have the problems. I hope I didn't mess this description up too badly. It's just my perspective. You are correct though, with "In my mind, whether a person is a PDI or a jerk with bad behavior amounts to the same thing. Avoid." Disordered people behave like jerks. However, being a jerk doesn't necessarily mean you are disordered.

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God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.