Why Can't They be Alone?

Why can't they ever just be alone....whether it is with their kids, or themselves? I spend a lot of time alone, and I get lonely sometimes, but I also enjoy my own company. I guess I'm answering my own question here. They don't enjoy their own company do they?

Carolyn's picture

I asked a narcissist why he could never be alone as his need to be with other people constantly resulted in his fighting and alienating them,and then they would drop him, and he would be out joining groups and clubs searching for more people to be with- was just a vicious cycle of craziness-he said 'when I am alone no one is there' He described it as the panic children feel when they are lost. He did not have any clue about why people did not want to be with him after they got to know him. He was not only needy but mean and people were horrified by the things he did and said. that was all lost to him.
quietude's picture

Exactly, I can't imagine the horror that is knowing there is a big nothingness as you contemplate yourself. But they don't even go there, since they think nothing's wrong with them. This thought - just looking at the narcissist organically - is very frightening to me, and really the only thing that makes have any empathy for them.
devoured_soul's picture

When they are alone, there is no one there to feed the supply they need. My ex N cannot be alone and boredom kills him. He needs to be the center of attention. If alone, there is no center, no one "around" to feed him. He did alot of charity work. Noble? Not for a narcissist. It's for THEM. They get the accolades, the "look at me! Look what I did! How great am I!?!?" They do not enjoy their own company. They hate themselves. Like you, I get lonely, too. But I don't hate being with myself...
Barbara's picture

You have to remember - you are not dealing with a HUMAN BEING. You are dealing with sick evil. Period. THEY ARE NOT HUMAN. You can NOT judge them as if they ever were, are or could be. Narcissists hate to live alone. Their inner resources are skimpy, static, and sterile, nothing interesting or attractive going on in their hearts and minds, so they don't want to be stuck with themselves. All they have inside is the image of perfection that, being mere mortals like the rest of us, they will inevitably fall short of attaining. http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html#alone Now how COULD they enjoy their own company - WHEN THERE'S NO ONE & NOTHING THERE! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
James's picture

While there are many comments and theories on this question I believe the following statement and as already stated by Barbara from the quote Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) :How to Recognize a Narcissist is one that I tend to agree to the most and best describes it. http://dslweb.nwnexus.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html#alone It’s in my opinion that they fear being alone because as Joanna Ashmun states their belief and mental capacity is limited and with the driving force of boredom as a constance factor that both of these factors as well as others unknown as yet adds to a need for reflection (mirroring) of others. Those if too much time is spend in solitary they may began to feel out of touch of this reality. Also because of their reality build mostly of a false sense of self and false existences of others they will began to get confused feel anxiety and a type of physical and/or mental separation of this false reality. All which is terrifying and confusing at once. Being without a source of supply (admiration and attention) too long can and may have the effect much like an addict going through redraws from their drug of choice. In short they start to feel disoriented confused and out of touch with their own reality and in need of a “fix“. This is I believe why they can’t live alone and/or be without some form of companionship for long periods of time. In closing it’s like they need a daily feedback and/or acknowledge of their own existences. Of course the more we learn about this disorder the more we will know.
Debra's picture

My N would always tell me he could not spent periods of time by himself. He needed people for supply and to define him because without his sources he was no one--a failure at everything==his education, his job, military service, all relationships and interactions, and would eventually alienate almost everyone he knew. Any form of criticism could not be accepted and the person who delivered it was out. He would tell me when he was alone for periods of time he would feel terrible anxiety and have horrible dreams that included hallucinations of an unknown dangerous "thing" trying to get him. Sounded like extreme paranoia to me. He would turn to drugs and alcohol to ease his pain. When we were together he told me this pain went away and needed to see my "adoring eyes".. The more I read on the subject of narcissism I see mine was a textbook case..