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Why are Narcs nice sometimes?

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#1 Nov 7 - 8PM
Gravity
Gravity's picture

Why are Narcs nice sometimes?

My brother is a classic N..total textbook in every sense of the word. In fact, I wish I could give his on again off again girlfriend a link to this forum.

Sometimes.. and I mean SOMETIMES he can be very nice. It's rare, but he will have bouts of kindness. Just curious, what reasons to N's have for being nice? Is it always when they want something?

Nov 8 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

He's nice when he wants

He's nice when he wants supply.. yes something.. Like a 5 yr old wanting candy.. They do what works. You are an alternative source.. You are always there .. Hunter
Nov 8 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
Gravity
Gravity's picture

hoping for a NARC FREE WORLD

hoping for a NARC FREE WORLD one day!
Nov 8 - 11AM
Lisa87
Lisa87's picture

ExN's Motto is Mr. Nice Guy

He is always nice to everyone, very kind and generous and thats how he gets his supply. Always the next dinner, vacation, shopping excursion, help around the house, anything so he will be put on a pedestal. I'm sure he gets supply around every corner, comes across very genuine and caring to the outside world. Only those lucky enough to be in a romantic relationship with him will get the other side.
Nov 8 - 9AM
NarcJunkie
NarcJunkie's picture

Not really sure but

sometimes I got the impression that my Narc was actually trying to be a human being. And failing. And not understanding why. After the D&D he tried to be nice to me but when he saw that I couldn't act like nothing happened and that I was suffering he backed off again. Perhaps he was hoping that I would continue to admire him no matter what and was disappointed when I didn't. He bought me a present for my birthday which was something I like, but at the same time a very emotional reminder of our first date and he seemed surprised when I got upset about it. He said thank you once because I never gave him any trouble at work (other than existing). And In the beginning he would be grateful when I showed him kindness instead of freaking out - but as the months went by he got more and more annoyed that I didn't just go away and leave him alone. He didn't understand why I still sometimes approached him, why I still had the need to resolve things. Not sure any of this counts as being "nice" (maybe it was just in his best interest at the time) but it never seemed like he was evil or anything... more like totally incapable and getting annoyed at people for being so bloody human. ;)
Nov 8 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
Gravity
Gravity's picture

"nice"

I think what it comes down to is the key words "best interest." Who the hell knows why they are being so "nice," all that matters is it's ALL about them. With every single one of them. If they see it fit to be "nice" they will, and if they see it fit to be rude they will do tha too. All depends on what benefits them at the time. I think the scary thing is watchign my brother act "nice." I remember one time his on again off again girlfriend was in town and I got stuck on the side of the road with car problems. No one else was around to help me out so I had to call him. He was acting SO sympathetic and SO helpful that I was floored. Usually he would either a)leave me on the side of the road (like he's done in the past) or b) yell at me the whole way home about being stupid when it wasn't my fault. The scary thing about this is that they know VERY well how to be "nice," they just choose not to. When he came to pick me up, his on again off again girlfriend was in the passenger seat and that's when I realized he was acting nice to impress her and make her think that he was a good brother. He must have wanted something from HER at the time. God they are all so damn predictable. I also think at time's they will act "nice" just to prove that they are good human beings. They don't want you to think they're ALL bad, other wise you'll go away and leave them for good. The sad thing is how it is so wonderful when they are nice, you just want them to act like that again once you realize they are capable of it. They will keep you on a string walking on eggshells to say the right thing to make them act so kindly again when in reality it has nothing to do with how WE act, but rather what is going on in their heads at the time which really could be ANYTHING.
Nov 8 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
NarcJunkie
NarcJunkie's picture

Absolutely true!

When there's nothing in it for them they just wont bother. I only fell for the Narc because I totally misjudged his character. I thought his kind acts were sign of a good heart when really he was just trying to impress me and others. I guess I can see it now: almost every "nice" thing he did was done either to copy me (such as giving money to a homeless person) or because it was indirectly suggested by me (such as helping a colleague). Or because it would earn him the admiration of the group (like treating us to expensive drinks or food). I really gotta watch out for that in the future... check if they do kind things when there's nothing in it for them, no admiration, nothing.
Nov 8 - 12AM
Tigerlily
Tigerlily's picture

In my experience

They can be absolutely delightful when they´re getting first-class supply. They get kind of high and euphoric, and everyone around them briefly gets a share of the fallout. And when they crash, everyone gets a share of THAT fallout too.
Nov 8 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
Gravity
Gravity's picture

can DEFINITELY see this being

can DEFINITELY see this being the case. Sometimes when he's in a good mood and feels like he's getting what he wants, he acts "nice." And everyone in my family will get so excited, feeling like "oh! he's in a good mood today :)!" and then the next day you interact with him in the same way you did the way before and he's like "why are you talking to me?"
Nov 7 - 9PM
Tiffany30
Tiffany30's picture

Yes I agree, nice ONLY when

Yes I agree, nice ONLY when they want something! I am now divorced from mine for 6 months. Every time when we were fighting about something with our attorneys he would try to be nice so he could get his way, but I ignored him. I even had to take him back to court because I wasn't getting my court ordered payments on time, and the day before we were to appear in court he came over and asked me what it was all about...I just told him I didn't know, but I knew for a fact that he knew what it was about. He was just trying to get info. out of me. I am now 12 days NC!
Nov 7 - 8PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Not always when they want

Not always when they want something.......ONLY when they want something!