Why?

Why? Why would I think I was special to him given the way he treated me. What brain disconnect did I have that I still want to believe he is grieving in some way. I can’t get picture of him with OW and now realize that given that we live in different states that she may have been primary women all this time. I just want to throw up at how delusional I was. I wasn’t thinking of any of the consequences of what if’s outcomes at all. I just let it happen and it hit me soooooo hard when his was luring me back once again and hours later with her. I know it was a gift but boy does it still hurt. Given that I called him out, he will never contact me again. I know too much and I have done all the right things in blocking/changing phone. I just want some time to pass so the memories are not so hurtful.