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Which Step Does Wanting to Throw Up Fall Under?

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#1 May 28 - 11AM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Which Step Does Wanting to Throw Up Fall Under?

I posted this in the Steps 1-3 Forum, but think maybe it should go here as a step forward. I think I've turned a corner today. I'm not missing anything about my exN right now, or wishing he would contact me so I can ignore him. I'm not craving him or feeling sad. I actually just feel like throwing up. The whole thought of him is disgusting to me. Up until now I was afraid that if I ever ran into him in the near future, which can only happen the next time I take a trip to his city to visit my friends, that I would either feel weak, or heartbroken and still want him, or become enraged and go off on him. Now I think I would just feel and look so disgusted with him, the only thing I would worry about is vomiting in public. The expression on my face, the way it is now, would probably shock him and be a Narcissistic Injury more than anything, and NOT supply. I know he wants me to still love and miss him, or hate and be angry at him, but NOT be repulsed and sickened by him. That's how I feel today, anyway. I know feelings cycle back and forth, but right now, no more tears for me and it's not because I'm holding them back. The thought of him just really nauseates me.

May 28 - 10PM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

G-d this is inspiring news.

G-d this is inspiring news. This is great!
May 28 - 7PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

You're very close to having

You're very close to having indifference. I'm happy for you...that you want to vomit. :P lol Never thought I'd tell someone THAT. lol But, I have been there. I actually have nothing but pity for my recent exN. Truly. Pity. I feel like he is just a tragically lost soul. And I pity the women that he will suck in with his lies...and feigned ''attempts.'' I know that he will be even worse, because the more women he adds to his break-up collection, the angrier he will become. The colder he will become, and no doubt, the more calculated he will become to hurting women. I'd say those are my feelings if any that I have. Do I have fleeting good memories? Yes. No more tears though. In some way, the experience made me tougher. I'm not a push over anymore. I am grateful for that end of it. I hope you have a great weekend, SK. You deserve great things in your life, and you will certainly find them without that jerk in it. {{{hugs}}}
May 28 - 2PM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

I know EXACTLY how you feel.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Xnh just totally disgusts me. I'd actually like the privilege of throwing up ON him. Something like that scene from the movie The Exorcist where Linda Blair's head spins around backwards and she projectile vomits green soup at the priest would work. Only in my case, xnh is the one that's possessed by the devil, and I'm exorcising myself of his evil. Instead of barfing at a priest I'd rather let xnh have it all back on himself. lol. Initially when I read your title for this post, I was guessing that vomiting would be during steps 1-3. However, I think I'm somewhere between 5 and 6, and xnh still makes me want to puke. Therefore, I hoping to work completely into step 6, and part of my healing process is getting to a point I only want to retch mildly whenever xnh surfaces because something about him tickles my gag reflex. That's one of my goals anyway. :)

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

May 28 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I feel I've made progress

since I'm just sickened by the thought of him instead of crying about, missing and craving him. I just hope it lasts until I finally reach a point of indifference. Of course, I know already how the old feelings come back around to bite you in the ass.
May 28 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

It is progress that you find

It is progress that you find him sickening. Your eyes are open now about what he really is like, and it's revolting to you. I know in my case, I find xnh more disgusting with each passing day, and I am realizing more and more of the deceptive, underhanded, viscous things he's said/done to me during our relationship. He's like an old rotten onion. His evil just seems to peel off a little (sometimes in huge chunks) each day so that I can view more and more rotting layers underneath his "illusion" as time passes. I don't miss the "real" xnh. I've realized, heard, and seen so many things about the "real" xnh since we divorced that I was totally blind about when I was with him under THE FOG. There have been numerous "aha" moments, where I'll be remembering something xnh had said or done, and it will flash into my mind, "That SOB was telling what he REALLY thought when he said/did that! That as*hole meant to hurt me there. Why DID I think he was really being nice at the time? What a jerk!!!" There is no going back once you see them for their true selves. Narcs are NOT pretty inside. Now like you, I hope that I finally reach a point of complete indifference about xnh. Right now, I still have the temptation to drive over him whenever I see him in a parking lot. Somehow, I suspect that's NOT very indifferent. lol

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

May 28 - 12PM
Smarter-thanthis
Smarter-thanthis's picture

I can't wait to feel like

I can't wait to feel like that !!!! Good for you today! :0)