where's helldweller?

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#1 Nov 4 - 6AM
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

where's helldweller?

Has anyone talked to her?

Nov 4 - 10AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

present and accounted for!

Hi, guys, and thanks for thinking of me. I was gone for a bit due to Halloween crazy stuff with my ghost tours, but doing fine. The narc and I have had some stupid, ridiculous moments on the playground ("Don't look at me." "Don't look at ME."--that level of stupid) But there have been no actual hoovering attempts or pleas for reconciliation or anything ike that. On my side is his absolute unmoveable stubbornness. The girls and I had a wonderful Halloween, trick or treating in our neighborhood and then having a bonfire in our backyard with some neighbors, laughing a lot, telling ghost stories, playing pranks. Not having to watch the comings and goings of the narc or feeling I had to "outdo" the laughter coming from his backyard was really, really nice. Here's the best part. I had two sort of dinners this past week, both with old love interests who are friends. The first one was a good one, the one I got together with before the narc told me he had cancer. We had a nice dinner, laughed a lot and caught up, saw a scary movie, and chatted with my sitter with wine for two hours when we got home. Kissed him on the cheek, though he obviously would have liked much more, and he went back to L.A. A couple of nights ago I went to dinner with a man I dated after I separated from my ex husband. He ended up marrying a young girl and, just as they were about to split up, she found out she was pregnant. They had the baby last month. I found out she didn't know we were out together, so I wrapped things up quickly without a spectacle. He obviously wanted to come back to my place, and I sort of laughed and said no thanks, go home to those beautiful girls of yours. I did not feel one shred of guilt about not sleeping with either of these men. I fully would have slept with the first one a few months ago because of my guilt over dumping him to go back to the narc. I DID sleep with the other one in May, after the narc moved into "our" house without my daughters and me, behind my back. He took me out that night and we got rip roaring drunk. There was no way in hell that was going to happen. I think I'm getting somewhere. I feel more like a person and less like a sex object than I ever have in my entire life.
Nov 4 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
tica
tica's picture

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

nice to get what you deserve!!! proud of you...there is always a preditator and a prey..know which one you are...in other words..keep the N Radar on at all times!!! big grin!!!
Nov 4 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

There she is :)

Sounds like the drama is drumming down. You are NOT a sex object, you are a woman. We don't "owe" the men in our lives our bodies. We GIVE our bodies as gifts, not as some kind of weird "please love me" currency! It is so depersonalizing :( to be a "sex object". It makes me want to go mess up my hair, have a booger hanging out of my nose, let my armpit hair grow down to my waist. I am a WOMAN. Not a warm place to put it.
Nov 4 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Good news!

That is really good news, it sounds like things are going well for you and you are keeping busy. It's so much easier when you are away from all the narcness. I'm glad things are going well!
Nov 4 - 10AM
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

yeah, me too.

yeah, me too.
Nov 4 - 7AM
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

I was wondering that too,

I was wondering that too, but I've been behind on the board so I thought maybe I just missed her.