where to begin...

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#1 Mar 23 - 5PM
CeliaH
CeliaH's picture

where to begin...

we are now at the 12th day of having been discarded. I havent received any texts, emails or info through a third party. I feel ok that he is not here but I hate to sound repetative... I am lonely. I cant seem to stop thinking about him, what he is doing or thinking etc...

He is from another country and immigrated here 5 years ago but we have been together for 9 years. I went above and beyond for him and sacrificed financially, spiritually and most of all emotionally.

i am embarassed to admit this but when he first got here, he hit me twice and i rationalised it. I lied to myself saying he was really stressed being in a new country etc..

He promised he would never do it again, which he hasnt, however he escalated his game onto destroying me emtionally.

He always left for his country several times a year for weeks on end and never bothered to buy a ticket for me to go with him. He always made sure to go alone (hence the cheating).

I knew something a wrong and I started investigating.. long story short i found out from his nephew he had been cheating on me there (yeah right only once). I kicked him out 3 times and of course making ME feel bad i took him back with no real boundaries except for the false promises he made. He blamed me and somehow made me feel bad for snooping in HIS personal affairs. Get a load of this crap>> he told me, and I quote " i soon as I had sex with her and realized it was over it wasnt worth the risk of losing you..." REALLY?? only to find out later he did more than once with that same girl.. how many have there been, i dont know.

(did I mention just before him leaving i was diagnosed with ovarian cancer?..Yes i hid it from him before he left but he found out while he was there and stayed there for the reaminder of his vacation)

I was going through treatments AND dealing with this and really never got any support from him except for him saying "I will always be there for you". Again yeah right!.. My oncologist and psychologist would try and get a hold of him and he never really responded, maybe only once or twice.

Moving on... things relaxed a little and we moved to a different house and things were "ok" but i had somewhat already detached from him.. i guess self preservation knowing if i investigate i will find something again. I knew he was good at hiding but NOT better than me at finding the truth.

He recently came back from one of those vacations in january and i had another gut feeling.. i left it alone until now and caught him in another lie. I think he was communicaating with a woman over there. I confronted him.. but not in a civil decent way.. i called him an F******g liar, a cheat.. not to cry on my shoulder but go cry on his girlfriends etc... I told him he might be smart but i am a hell of a lot smarter than he is etc.. etc.. Well! the look on his face was unimaginable. Almost like a doe caught in the headlights. I walked out onto the patio waiting for a fight but instead he walked out with a napsack and i havent heard from him since.

Of course i texted i tried to call a fewe times but no answer...silence.

I am not sure how to go about this with my daughter who is now 9. She isnt his but he has known her since she was 6 months and she considers him her father and he says he loves her (again yeah right) He has posted tons of things about her on facebook and forever talking about her accomplishments.

I just dont know what to do anymore.... lonely but at least i see now after some research what he is.. i only wish i researched this before but i was blind and had no idea what was happening to me.

Mar 24 - 8AM
Used
Used's picture

celia

Mar 24 - 8AM (Reply to #8)
CeliaH
CeliaH's picture

hi used

Mar 24 - 8AM (Reply to #9)
Used
Used's picture

very satisfying LOL.YES

Mar 24 - 9AM (Reply to #10)
CeliaH
CeliaH's picture

lol

Mar 23 - 6PM
Iwasfooledbyyou
Iwasfooledbyyou's picture

Hi Celia ..... I'm so sorry

Mar 23 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
CeliaH
CeliaH's picture

thank you

Mar 23 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
Iwasfooledbyyou
Iwasfooledbyyou's picture

Hi my dear ....... Well, as

Mar 23 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
CeliaH
CeliaH's picture

Oh i dont want him back. I

Mar 23 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
done as dinner
done as dinner's picture

Say "Nope" to "I hope"

Mar 24 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
CeliaH
CeliaH's picture

OH MY GOD!!!