When you suspect everyone is a narcissist :=(

How are you...it's been a few days, I apologize to you for that...but I couldn't see or absorb too well so I had to take a little break... Regarding your post, my experience has been - and note we have agreed we have *similar* bacgrounds not just on issues narc...that I've realized that my challenges are not just "man" based or partner based, it's all around based...somewhere along the line...waaaaay back, I was molded a certain way - to be a caretaker, to overlook slights and that is not to say that I need to count "EVERY POINT and EVERY SLIGHT" but I think it comes down to boundaries and demanding respect and courtesy. I think and I have found, that in an effort to want to be seen as the "nice girl" as the "good girl" as the one not to make waves, for a very long time I was very accomodating. Someone could do something inconsiderate - even a friend - we may have plans to do something and they call last minute and cancel, or just announce something contrary to what we've agreed and instead of calling them on it an letting them know that yes, we were still friends but that behavior was unacceptable to me - HINT: don't make a habit of this - I did not call people on what were "implied" boundary violations...and so since I did not speak up - what they wouldn't dare do to others, they had no problems doing to me because I allowed it. I think everyone has a sense about what they can get away with and with whom - sounds cold AND there are still many many decent, empathetic people in this world - but I find that there is something to be said about the kinds of people we have attracted, made excuses for and have found "acceptable?" when in reality, many in our circle could be very nice people but kinda take us for granted...kinda feel they can dump on us because we're such "good listeners"...will seek us out when their asses are in a sling because we're good at rescue and problem solving, but when all is good they are kinda on their merry way not thinking much about us?...what this guy did was rude and unacceptable...I think you did the right thing and I believe and if you read the posts, part of this process is not awakening to the Narcs...it's awakening to LIFE...we become aware of a lot of disordered activities/actions those around us friends, family are engaged in and we are very in tune and still raw from this major narc attack and are very protective of ourselves. I think what you did was the RIGHT thing to do...it is the beginning of Diedre noting what she finds unacceptable to DIEDRE...and for each of us that will be different - BUT if it is unacceptable to Diedre, and one wants to be Diedre's friend...then they have to learn respect and how not to violate boundaries. If he has a problem with it and can't meet you half way to discuss, then whatever he is - you have no need for him for the basis of friendship dictates that we respect one another, are considerate of one another and meet the other half way. Your message should have gotten a response either way, even if to say: "Im sorry that WAS rude but...and we all know that whatever comes after BUT is B.S. nonetheless, the fact that he would have made some effort to clear the air would have said something. His lack of response speaks VOLUMES...don't second guess yourself. Hugs!

I can relate. In the early stages of recovery, your body is in a hyper state of alarm.....your parasympathetic nervous system is stimulated to the MAXIMUM....your "fight or flight" response. part of PTSD, I suppose. It's normal for you to be "on guard" right now. Definately normal. Don't worry, it will fade. You will find the balance of recognizing a narc/PD in a blink......but not thinking EVERYONE is out to get you. Part of the process for sure and you aren't alone in feeling this way!

I've sabotaged some relationships out of fear that I will be hurt again and endure the same treatment. I guess its part of PTSD. Its like you have mentally been at war and now you are constantly on guard.

but I am more relaxed now, having had a bit of a clear up in the friends and acquaintances department... Having gone though such a period, I know who is a good friend, a bit of a shit friend, a user-type friend and who not to give the time of the day at all anymore.... On the whole I am not complaining. I was being used a lot by so called friends, always bending over backwards to accommodate everyone else... no more.... I have a finely tuned psycho and narcdar these days too... In the workplace, it becomes very easy to get what you want out of those when you realise what they are.... So yes, hypervigilant for a while and angry, so angry.... 5 months and a bit NC has made all the difference.... it does pass and make us stronger...good luck x

Deirdre, I have been seeing an awesome guy for 11 months. Last night I texted him a bit later than usual and got no response. A half hour later I texted again, "OK, I get it. I AM NOT PLAYING THESE EFFIN GAMES WITH YOU! HAVE A NICE LIFE!!". Early this morning he texts, "I'm sry. I fell asleep last night". This is a good, stellar guy who I KNOW loves me and shows it in so many ways. I'm just so on guard anymore, and not willing to be played with again. I guess I have to remember that there are good decent men out there who are not into playing mind games, and he's one of them. I'm gonna take a deep breath next time before I erupt. LOL. Veronrose

You're aware, trust me they are out there in droves! I had this conversation with my therapist, we don't notice normal because it is normal! Get it? Going forward be aware, I had 2 BF's and because of this board I acquired a 3rd woman I trust Very much! Other than that be very careful! Idealk

YES! I have felt that way as well....super sensitized to returning emails, texts and worried about mind games. I doubt people's motives and think there may be other agendas. And that is NOT me! I usually have a good feeling for where people are at....and am usually patient and understanding when people don't get back to me. I HATE what she's done to me!!! I have to remember other people are human too...with their own needs, time frames, lack of follow through, forgetful, sometimes rude....but not pathologic :) I think this is probably normal when we've been harmed and are looking out for ourselves not wanting it to happen again. ~KG

I am so angry right now I know it's going to be a long long time before I can ever trust again. That's sad......Sometimes if I am just talking with a male, say a friend, or my son, I have huge waves of rage........I need to come to terms with what has happened, express it in a healthy way, and heal..... I think what happened to you is normal....Don't beat yourself up.